Give me a freaking break!! Do you honestly think you are the only one here who could be/is being ruined financially by their MLC spouse? Please woman! I am sitting here in my house where the last mortgage payment was made last October! I am on unemployment, barely able to pay the utilities and my car payment, let alone the mortgage. Do you see me on here crying and whining every freaking minute of the day because of my problems? NO YOU DON'T!!!! Am I worried? You bet your sweet bippy I am! Scared sh**less would be more accurate. The difference between me and you is I decided a long time ago that wringing my hands and crying about it will get me nowhere! I had to give it to God. I have to trust Him that He will take care of me and this will end ok.
Your whole deal about the Google maps thing is a joke and you know it. You know those are ads that mean nothing. And you also know that you can not get information about your husband's computer by just getting into his e-mail. It doesn't work that way.
I am starting to believe that we are all giving you exactly what you have wanted from the start. Attention. The more unstable you act, the more we get concerned. But, now I am wondering if you are doing it on purpose. Yeah, you say you are going to the doctor, seeing a counselor, semi-taking medication. Big deal. We can all do that, but if we don't put ourselves in it and really try to make ourselves better, it won't amount to a hill of beans.
Do I sound harsh? Yeah, I probably do to you. And perhaps to others. But, I see a lot of people taking time to respond to you instead of others on here who do need help and advice. Those others have real problems, too. And this might come as a surprise to you, but some other people have problems a WHOLE LOT WORSE THAN YOU!
I am friends with a family where the wife acted just like you. She craved attention of every kind and we watched as she went to one doctor after the other. She would always come back with a new diagnosis of how messed up she was. Well, wouldn't you know it....she was playing everyone! She had a faithful husband who eventually found out she was having an affair....well, not actually an affair...she was just having sex with multiple men. Now her unstable act is biting her in the butt big time! Her husband has all that history to use against her. She will wind up losing everything.....especially her children. And the friends that she had have now seen her true colors and are coming to the aid of her husband and children.
You are on that path if you don't stop all this and take the advice from these wise sages on this forum. You are acting like a person does when they immediately have the bomb dropped on them. We probably all acted nuts in the beginning, doing things we regret. But, you are far from being new to this! What's the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. So, I hope to see some improvement in your posts. Baby steps will be fine. We all go at our own pace. However, IMO if I continue to see you wallow in self pity, I will have to believe I am right about you only wanting attention. And frankly, I have my own issues to deal with than to get involved in your pity party. Please prove me wrong.
im sorry for your situation but if you are angry about your situation don't take it out on me.. No this is not for attention, believe what you want. Someone sent a post saying that some people here are here to support each other and I appreciate the support. I have a disability, that is why I have such a fear of being on my own. I have had it for 30yrs. You probably think im making that up to but that is you problem. You shouldnt judge a person until you've walked in their shoes.
You are ignoring everything everyone is telling you. You do not even ackowledge what people are saying. As for legas separation we do not have them in Canada either however, you can get a separation agreement in place. AGain talk to a lawyer.
Speaking of rejoice ministries. Don't they tell you NOT to spy? Pray when you are feeling down? Yes read restored marriages and learn that they left their husbands to God and worked on their own issues and raised their children.
California, community property state...pretty much anything a spouse does with or without the knowledge of the other spouse is still the responsibility of both...that is why as soon as I realized the path my H was going down, I got a LS...so I only got stuck with 10K...had I done my homework I could have backed out of that but I panicked and changed it to 0% card...sounded like the smart thing to do until I found out that I was only an "authorized user" and not really responsible for what was on it once I got the LS...
I protected myself, my assets, my children...and I am financially stable at this time...H, well he still needs to file BK...but I don't because I have a LS...there is always a way to protect yourself...but if you sit there and throw up the white flag you will be taken prisoner everytime!
rysmom, you may have a disability, but once you are aware of it you are responsible for it...I work with special needs kids...the ones who thrive are the ones who are not treated "special"...they take responsibility and do what they can, trying their best...
You are using your disability, your weaknesses...you want us to tell you what to do only so you can tell us what you did...and how upset you are...how unfair things are...how you can't take it anymore...poor you...you wish you could be strong...bla bla bla
Take responsibility...you have a son, you have managed through life this far...do what you need to do and stop whining about everything and LOOKING for problems where some may not even exist!!! At this point I don't think anyone would blame your husband for not coming home (not condoning an affair) because your not worth coming home to right now!
Sorry...but you need more then this board can give...attention is not enough for you!
AND I MEAN EVERYONE that's posting on this thread on the last two pages.
As an outsider some of it looked like an attack and rysom some of it looked like you had lost it for a minute, it happens.
Rysmom if he's having an affair. Read the resources it's a band aid!!!You had the best of him for a lot of years, show him you're still the better option.
Stop the getting on the computer,EXCEPT TO come here, that's it.
AND THAT IS IT!
I of all the people in the last year have posted some of what you have,YOU can't worry about what's he's doing, shoot, he doesn't know what he's doing!
Don't embarrass yourself too much, I posted like a hamster on crack, big deal if someone ripped me, they were there before me and compared to what they or I was going thru it really didn't matter.
At the beginning we're all looking for the magic bullet or the quick fix, it's not there.
And sometimes people a little further along forget about what they went thru.
And that isn't phrased rite, they have the hindsight of trying to stop us from doing what they did and they're going to be rough on us sometimes.
But an ultimatum, now that isn't the way to get anyone to change or listen.
EVERYONE ON HERE OR HAS BEEN HERE OR JUST BEING A PERSON WE'RE IMPORTANT.
Don't threaten to go somewhere else if someone isn't understanding, most of us bought every kind of relationship book we could get our hands on, all of us have different languages.
And we wouldn't be here if we weren't abandoned so to even think about abandoning one of our own, come on.
AND WE'RE GOING TO HURT, that easy, we're not going to have the financial support we had or can offer and we got a whole new world of omg's.
SO LONGTIMERS HAVE SOME PATIENCE WITH HER PLEASE.
And for a bit us LBS' we don't know what we're doing either.
I still don't ok, but I can tell you this.When someone tells you to breathe, they mean count to 1000 cry whatever you have to do and man it hurts, but you do not know what tomorrow will bring.
But if you spend anytime trying to figure him out other than hey listen he's MLC, that's it, MLC, there is no rhyme or reason and we all felt abandoned and scared as hell, still do.
If someone posts something you disagree with blow it off, use the information and if it doesn't apply to your sitch, just flat blow it off, there is no reason to defend yourself.
Why even bother giving an explanation, THIS IS ABOUT GETTING OUR SELF ESTEEM BACK.
Sometimes to tell war stories, but ultimately....
We all have been where you are, some have lost a bunch of money, some didn't lose any.IT'S MONEY,you can have it, you can lose it, BUT IT'S MONEY, IT CAN BE MADE BACK!
Some of what I read, you do need to re read, because this is not to be funny, but man it was spelled out on the history on your google maps. and much like an MLC'er you denied what was being posted to you, I lost count at 3 that made sense, but you were too worked up.
If the MLC'er is going to do what's right for them, then you do what's rght for you, but unlike them you're sane enough to go 32 yrs and you were never happy?IS THAT RIGHT.
you're going to get advice from not only your posts but reading others threads, MLC what they do to us, it's pretty text book, what we do, now that isn't.
Take my hand and don't be called a hamster on crack, read other threads and the resources and if he contacts you, post it, other than that just learn, if anything the more you learn about it, the easier it is for you to laguh it off and focus on praying and getting your self esteem back.
I did not proofread this and well It is what it is.
With that reply I think you have confirmed what I suspected. The only reason I said anything about my own situation was to show you there are others out here who have their own problems, but you don't hear us going on and on about it. But that escaped you and you went straight to being the poor victim who was being picked on. And we are supporting you!! Support is not always agreeing with you or contributing to your drama. When someone supports another person, they are there to confront you when you're wrong and encourage you to do better.
You aren't the only person with a disability nor are you the only one afraid of being alone. But you are the only person on this forum who continues to give us the "woe is me" act. With all of the marriages this midlife crisis forum represents, you continue to want the focus to be on you. As if your situation is worse than anyone else's. And God forbid some of us have tried to give you the tough love approach. You whine that much more instead of taking it as constructive criticism.
I will not be posting to you anymore. It's pointless since you refuse to listen to anyone and I do not want to contribute to your need for attention. I hope you get the help you desperately need. And I pray for the protection of your son.
This board is full of support. I am sorry that you don’t see that.
Support is NOT someone sitting around, listening to a pity party, encouraging you to do things that will hurt you, and commiserating about all that has been done wrong to you.
We do empathize but we want to support you in your healing and growth, not in feeling sorry for yourself. Sometimes tough love is required for that. Usually when someone is faced with a bit of reality, they open their eyes and take a look at themselves. You, on the other hand, either ask people to stop posting because they are abusive, or you completely avoid what they have said to you.
I have watched this thread and have completely agreed with everything that others posted to you. Especially Mr. Bond because he was the one who was taking the hard stance before others were. Which is maybe not what you needed to hear, but you need some sort of a wake up call.
You have minimized what others have said, even when they have empathized and tried to show you their fears, their vunerabilities, and tried to show you you ARE NOT ALONE. You have avoided answering direct questions people ask of you and you said that you havent’ found any support.
I agree with CovenantKeeper. You want attention. You may not see it that way but it sure looks like that from the outside.
Rysmom, you need to get help. I pray that you do that soon.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
You are re-directing anger toward your H/sitch to people here. I know I said before anger was bad, but maybe you can use it to your advantage. Your H dumped you, his handicapped wife of xx years. Alrighty,then-- SHOW THAT B*STARD you don't need him, that you will be just fine without him! Amaze your son! Be the heroine of your own story! Be the inspiration for a Lifetime movie! Get help for your mood swings first so that you can do these things and more. Use your flair for the dramatic for something good.
Thank you for your word of encouragement. Hope you are doing okay. Today has been pretty good. I went to my history class and now Im going to do the reading for class. I did not call h today and im not going to. I didnt drive by either, this is progress for me. It is a nice day today and im sitting out in my yard. Thank God I have a nice yard to sit in. Hope you are enjoying your day.
