What should i do?

[zengreentea]

I have been reading the forum for a couple of months and finally got the courage to post. M 45, H53, M 16, SS 24, SS 18, S 14 EA 2 PA 1 D Day 4/17/09. Many False starts

The OW is a coworker and the are communicating via work email and text. I found an email last week where the OW says "don't you know I'm mad at you and we could be friends if you just got divorced". I don't want to get divorced. I am a train wreck emotionally. The kids are so sick of all of this they just want it all to stop. Our friends are sick of it and think we should just hang it up. I just want him to stop the EA and work on the marriage. Help.

[gman]

zen -
i know waiting for that first response after working up the courage to post seems like FOREVER. I am no vet and they will chime in very soon.

Does H know you know about the A?

take a deep breath and relax.

Gman

[timehealsall]

I am glad you were able to make that first step.

I read this board and posted on another infidelity board for almost three months before having the courage. I REGRET not having posted sooner. I was just so ashamed to. Had I had the tools then that I have now, I'd be in a better place in my M.

Is the OW married? Have you enforced boundaries?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Z,

Your husband keeps doing this because you ALLOW him to. "1.5 to 2 years"???? How long has he known that YOU know?? What have been the consequences of his infidelity, and what boundaries, if any, have you laid out as a result of them?

Your husband will begin respecting your marriage as soon as YOU do, Z -- not a minute sooner.

Puppy

[Greek]

I have been reading the forum for a couple of months and finally got the courage to post. M 45, H53, M 16, SS 24, SS 18, S 14 EA 2 PA 1 D Day 4/17/09. Many False starts

The OW is a coworker and the are communicating via work email and text. I found an email last week where the OW says "don't you know I'm mad at you and we could be friends if you just got divorced". I don't want to get divorced. I am a train wreck emotionally. The kids are so sick of all of this they just want it all to stop. Our friends are sick of it and think we should just hang it up. I just want him to stop the EA and work on the marriage. Help.

My dear Zen...your H has no reason to end his A. He has been permitted by both you and his mistress to have his cake and eat it, too. If you want handle this like a strong woman, you will say, "H, I have decided that I will no longer live in an open marriage. Will you end your A with OW?". If he says anything other than "yes"' your reply will be "I will be interviewing lawyers first thing in the morning and my objective is to divorce you."

And just like that, you have establish a boundary, claimed your self worth, and taken charge of your life.

No whining. No buts. We'll help you with all of your "what Ifs". But this first step is a must.

Greek

[newmama]

Hi Zen- what are the obstacles in your way of standing up to your H about the A?

[Steve McQueen]

I found an email last week where the OW says "don't you know I'm mad at you and we could be friends if you just got divorced".

she was writing that to you? or your husband?