Yes, I made up the word LeftBehindness. Just trying to give a lighthearted look at the stages of the LBS. I am sure that there may be something similar on the Boards but the sitches seem so depressing today that I would like you all to have a chuckle. So here goes. I am making this up on the spot but feel free to expand as you wish so that we can all get a laugh today:
STAGE 1- Immediate Post-Bombatic Syndrome
1.You lose your appetite. Magically and instantly. 2.You give a snort of derision when you see couples holding hands. Silly fools, don't they know the pain that awaits them? Alternatively, you burst into tears. 3.You are constantly blinded by the onslaught of tears. If you are female, investment in waterproof mascara becomes a necessity. Uber cool dark shades are permanently affixed to your face. You buy tissues in bulk. 4. You spend a small fortune in self, relationship and marriage improvement books. You study these as if you are preparing for an exam. The pages on the books are underlined and highlighted until the rainbow of colors makes your head hurt. You start to build a small underground tunnel to house your ever increasing and to-be-kept-secret-at- all-costs library. Its not like you need to spend the money on FOOD anyway. This not eating thing really frees up your income for more BOOKS, huh? 5. You become secretive. For al intents and purposes you are working on the Great American Novel on your computer. THEY will NEVER pry your DB connections from you. You will assume aliases and change your identity if there is ever the slightest hint that they have caught on. You hide your DB books under old newspapers until the construction of your underground library is completed. 6. You look like something that the cat dragged in and coughed up. Tear-ravaged face, snotty nose, blood red eyes, hunched over and defeated expression, saggy ill fitting clothes. Meanwhile, you keep pursuing your WAS, confident in the knowledge that they will not be able to resist the hotness that is YOU. 7. You make constant trips to the bathroom at work. It is not because you have developed a week bladder. It is because it is your refuge. You can CRY there. And it is so peaceful and soothing to be in the silence with the only interruption being the flushing in a nearby stall. Sometimes you make trips to throw up the crackers and water you had earlier. 8. You avoid TV shows, reading for pleasure and listening to your favorite music. You don't KNOW why. It just seems wrong. Who has time for pleasure when the world is full of so much pain? You are drawn to stories of tragedy and hardship. You have so much in common with these people. You, too, have known great suffering. You are one of THEM. Misery loves company.
I know what you mean about the book collection. I bought a Kindle just before the bombing. Now I have 87 books on it - and I have read most of them.
Me: 45 WAW: 45 | M22 | T25 | No Kids Nov 09 W Filed | Dec 09 Separation Mar 17 2010 Divorce Papers Signed | Divorce Hearing Cancelled Moved back home May 2010 PA Confirmed June 2010 | W left Dec 7 2010
9 you keep living in parallel worlds, the one you wish still existed and the real one, you wake up wishing THIS didnt happen... DISBELIEF
10. You forget all the wrong doings of your spouse and suddenly, look!! he/she is the best spouse on earth, God's gift to you and look what you did..., pushed him away GUILT
10. you start walking on eggshells. It's not you anymore, it's a scared kid walking around that only looks like you- FEAR
11 you doubt your eyes and instict. If he /she says they are "just friends" who are you to question your honest spouse? SELF DOUBT
12 you start obssessing and your M is all you can think and talk about. Your real life friends have heard the same "logical chain of thoughts" over and over and over again... INSANITY
13 if you are a woman, you invest in underwear, hoping sex will do it. And since you are now 10 kilos lighter, you buy those thingies you always wanted to buy but didnt dare to- DESPERATION
14 you google "Marriage/divorce/how to bring him back" looking for the magic receipe (you find DIVORCEBUSTING if you are lucky)
15 you buy compatibility reports of your signs and the "year ahead" forcast-some try phychics... HOPE for some good news
16 you cook his favourite dish, pick up the clothes and shoes that bothered him, suddenly your house looks fab -and you do it while being with 3 hours of sleep-SUPERPOWERS
17 work becomes a refuge. You are thinking of your M anyway, but things look normal over there, maybe they will be normal at home when you ge back? A STEP AWAY FROM BEING FIRED
18 you watch your wedding video over and over again, someti,es on purpose around the time he comes back... (Poor efforts to CREATE GUILT)
19 You turn to GOD, this CANT be the end (FAITH?)
20 Yo start IC, hoping yu stil have time to "correct" yourself- AGONY
I wanted to say don't read this portion of the thread, read it and throw it away. You gotta stay on the positive, be aware of the feelings you may get caught up on, and figure out how your going to handle it. It may be easier to just fully enjoy your life and not worry about it.
21. You start to realize that the person you are crying for is not crying because they left you. You start to believe this. The tears stop.
22. You understand that no matter how many mistakes you made in your marriage, none were so great that you caused your spouse to have an affair. That choice was made independently of you.
23. You see the facts as they are and know that your husband didn't accidently fall down and poke his d!ck in her or your wife mysteriously ended up naked with a stranger (or friend, whatever they want to call the other person).
24. You gain clarity of the hatred your spouse has to you by having an affair. Not only have they lied to you, they've literally risked your life with the potential of infecting you with a STD, some which can kill your immune system and kill you.
25. You notice that the lies your cheating partner tells you constantly contradict each other, such as saying that the marriage was already over when they started an affair, and worse, they try to rewrite the past to fit their own warped version of reality.
26. You look at yourself in the mirror and honestly think, I'm a good person and I don't deserve this BS.
27. You make peace with the idea that the past might have been wonderful and magical but the present sucks. You start to look past dealing with a liar and a cheat to the future where you don't have someone constantly criticizing you for THEIR shortcomings.
28. You talk to your friends who have been divorced or have reconciled their marriage and accept that what worked for them might not work for you. You begin to see that your situation is totally unique. You realize you have the power to stop letting the spouse hurt you.
29. You start to pull away and your spouse might start to gravitate towards you. You further know that your spouse sees you as a part of their own sad power game. You don't hate the player or the game. You don't really care one way or another.
30. You get texts from your spouse and ignore them. Not because you are faking no interest but bc you honestly have no interest in them as a partner.
31. You can imagine yourself much happier being away from their selfish ways.
32. Little memories of them from the past are about as interesting as the part of skinny jeans or 32-inch waist belt you wore when you were in your 20s. Meaning, not interesting in the least.
33. You look at your kids and don't think they remind them of their other parent. You see your kids that are wholly independent of you or your spouse.
34. You find out how wonderful life is withouth being weighed down with a depressed/confused/cheating/lying/adulterating partner. You bloom.
35. You move on. So long and thanks for all the fish.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
