I've detached somewhat, but the sitch keeps requiring my W and I to be together, at least in some situations. We had to hire an attorney to represent us in a lawsuit with the biz. Attorney mentioned our situation complicates him representing us with an impending D, and if it got adversarial (isn't that part of a D?) he could not represent both of us.
This Thursday we have a mediation hearing to discuss financial settlements. I don't see how this can not further complicate the matter. I guess it could simplify it in shaking out if we are really working on a D, or on a marriage?
Last week my wife got a cell message threatening to kill her. No name, with an intentional garble. A few days later she finds out a former fellow employee has been visiting her house looking for her for weeks. Since then he has left a few notes and was waiting for her at work one morning. Her explanation was she loaned him $ and she had to pressure him to repay it, and she transfered to where he wanted to go, now he's pissed.
She called the cops and reported it, and is considering filing for an order of protection (she's become an expert on this). I read one of the notes in which he asked her what was going on, that he didn't understand it.
I'm at a crossroads this week. How she handles the mediation will tell me alot. I am also at the point to pursue this stalker/BF sitch as I don't feel I'm getting the straight scoop. This would be incident #7 and I told her one more of these and it's a deal killer for me (mlc or not).
One more complication, but maybe the one that helps focus me?
May as well tighten and clean yourself up while you watch. I'm telling some of the guys, may as well be around female company who like you, because hanging around a wife that doesn't really want you around really destroys the old mojo.
I fail to understand why you continue to be this woman's savior.
I wonder if you are not enabling her behavior by refusing to cut her off and leave her at the mercy of her actions.
Take note that I would not normally say this to someone who's spouse had begun to wander in some way. But your wife has not BEGUN to wander. She is a chronic adultress with major, MAJOR psychological issues that she refuses to address.
By being her protector, you allow her to never fully address her problems.
Personally, I think I would have been inclined to communicate to her that I had no interest in her ongoing man problems. After her many indiscretions, the only way she could merit my concern would be to remove contact with any new men in her future. At some a show of good faith on her part is LONG PAST DUE.
You continue to allow her to play her game, and you continue to choose to play a part in her escapades. This is ultimately unhealthy for both of you.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Her stalker is HER problem, and Bill is right, where is her show of faith?
You can only go so far before you just need to throw your hands up and stop, DBS. Life is definitely TOO short for this kind of stuff to go on..and she's trying to drag YOU in the middle, too?
She doesn't need rescuing, she needs to learn to handle HER OWN problems, with NO help from you. She got herself in it, she needs to get herself out of it.
What a tangled web we weave when we try to deceive...and the crap gets deeper. I believe you're right, there is MORE to the story than what's being told right now.
Better put on your boots..and these need to be the ones that come up thigh-high.
Focus on the financial situation..that's where your head needs to be right now.
Not in her drama once again.
Back away, DBS, back away.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
We have a financial mediation this Thursday. Me thinks it will smoke out what we are really working on. A marriage or a divorce.
I have not been "hands on" with this "BF" turned stalker. She called me at 2am last night and I asked her why this guy is doing what he's doing to which I got the...oh hell, never mind it just sounded goofy as all get out, and much like the previous and past crap. I feel sorrier for the poor slob who was led to believe he was something to her, then for her.
For some assinine (or ass8) reason she thinks as long as she doesn't sleep with them it's ok to be a playa?
And yes you're all correct. My name is Dan, and I'm an-an enabler. Damnit!
Well Dan, at least you've got the wits about you to recognize it, now stop it. Let her feel what it's like to not have you there to fall back on and clean up her messes. That will definitely get through to her faster the consequences of her poor decisions.
