Robx Really? Is that what you got out of that? When a woman doesn't want foreplay and doesn't engage, but gets upset when you don't leap at the opportunity to ravage her and be done in 5 minutes.... that is a problem.
I'm still trying to decide if it is WAW or MLC...it doesn't matter much for me the LBS, but getting an understanding would be great.
PB, women are more sexual then men are, the ability to have multiple orgasms quickly should give you a clue about that. If you're not "doin' it" for her and she gets bored with you and asks "are you done yet?", huge problems there.
Don't concern yourself with WAW or MLC, concern yourself with showing her the way out since she had an affair. Chasing and pursuing her even though she disrespected you is only going to win you more disrespect from her.
PB, women are more sexual then men are, the ability to have multiple orgasms quickly should give you a clue about that. If you're not "doin' it" for her and she gets bored with you and asks "are you done yet?", huge problems there.
Don't concern yourself with WAW or MLC, concern yourself with showing her the way out since she had an affair. Chasing and pursuing her even though she disrespected you is only going to win you more disrespect from her.
Rob,
Man, that's more wisdom-per-word than I think you've ever accomplished. You're HIGHLY EFFICIENT today!!! lol
So to start...Robx...I don't think we are on the same page. 1. she gets to the big O when she is in the mood and allows herself to enjoy the intimacy. it isn't that I do anything wrong. 2. it isn't the words, but the initial reaction... like (again not actual words, but body language) "I'm not into this, but I know I am supposed to be, so if I just lay here, he'll be done soon enough and I can get on with the day....oh dang, he wants foreplay...ugh" 3. Done talking about my bedroom skills.
I think someone(and don't remember who) hit the nail on the head. - I can't kick her out..we're both on the house mortgage. - I can't tell her what she can and cannot do, nor what I will or will not tolerate....she will do the opposite. - I have already pushed her bills to her.
She has filed papers which I got 2.5 weeks later. I will discuss legal options with my lawyer.
Counseling was a mess because she just wanted to turn it into her own complaint session. I am likely not going again until her attitude changes.
Me:42 W:38 M:17 Announcement: Jan '10 S Filed: Mar '10
PB, women are more sexual then men are, the ability to have multiple orgasms quickly should give you a clue about that. If you're not "doin' it" for her and she gets bored with you and asks "are you done yet?", huge problems there.
Don't concern yourself with WAW or MLC, concern yourself with showing her the way out since she had an affair. Chasing and pursuing her even though she disrespected you is only going to win you more disrespect from her.
Rob,
Man, that's more wisdom-per-word than I think you've ever accomplished. You're HIGHLY EFFICIENT today!!! lol
So to start...Robx...I don't think we are on the same page. 1. she gets to the big O when she is in the mood and allows herself to enjoy the intimacy. it isn't that I do anything wrong. 2. it isn't the words, but the initial reaction... like (again not actual words, but body language) "I'm not into this, but I know I am supposed to be, so if I just lay here, he'll be done soon enough and I can get on with the day....oh dang, he wants foreplay...ugh" 3. Done talking about my bedroom skills.
I think someone(and don't remember who) hit the nail on the head. - I can't kick her out..we're both on the house mortgage. - I can't tell her what she can and cannot do, nor what I will or will not tolerate....she will do the opposite. - I have already pushed her bills to her.
She has filed papers which I got 2.5 weeks later. I will discuss legal options with my lawyer.
Counseling was a mess because she just wanted to turn it into her own complaint session. I am likely not going again until her attitude changes.
nobody says talking about this stuff is going to comfortable, no worries, just say stop and we're done.
The part about her hoping it will be done soon is very telling, the attraction between the 2 of you is dead, you have done things to kill the attraction and it's time to flip the switches that turn on attraction and this happens before you get into the bedroom.
You are pursuing again. Doesn't work. You gave her an opportunity when you asked her out. She refused.
Fairly good answer when you told her to go ahead and date.
This woman has demonstrated again and again she goes the exact opposite of what you say or want. Seems to me that would mean that you have to tell and show her you don't want her and that you are done. You aren't giving up the OW on facebook. End of story.
Her pattern then is to chase.... You seem to have a hard time really letting her chase. I don't understand why, since it seems to be the thing that works so well.
Go back to "I have been doing some thinking and I want this over with. I don't love you in the way that I should. I think it is best that you and I both date others. I am not giving up other woman on facebook so there really is nothing more to talk about. It just won't work. I realized that I am not interested in even trying anymore.
You have a woman that takes the opposite position that you want or take.
Is it really worth the price? I don't think this is really about the OW. IF you got rid of OW she would then say you didn't do it soon enough or who knows what. She takes the opposite stance. When people are like that then the best thing to do is to take the opposite stance of what you want because then they take the exact stance you were trying so hard for them to move to.
I don't see what you lose by getting tough and kicking her to the curb. She is trying hard to make you feel dumped. The dumper is always in charge. Be the dumper.
if she is on the house mortgage, is she paying half of the mortgage and half of the house utilities and house property tax, etc. If she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you and just wants to ride this out til the day of the divorce, treat her like a room mate, list all the expenses and have her pay half, if she doesn't like it, tell her she can leave, nothing forces YOU to pay for everything, just assume that 50% of this financial responsibility is yours regardless of any words that come out of her mouth. When she gets her own place, she'll have to pay her own bills, she might as well start now, no time like the present.
Mr. P, you are getting excellent advice from some of the most experienced vets. You may not like it but it works.
As a woman who has had a ho hum sex life for the past nine years, I completely agree with Rob's assessment. I wasn't interested because, frankly, it was boring & BF wasn't doing it for me. Yawn. (Yes, it was my responsibility to speak up.) When we started piecing the sex was a lot more passionate & I did start telling him what I want. A lot of the time that is for him to take control and do what he wants. It may sound trite but even women who are very strong and independent in all other areas of life want and enjoy an alpha male in the bedroom.
It does spill over to other facets of life. If you are nothing but a Nice Guy (aka doormat) then your W will not respect you and do whatever she wants whenever she wants because she can. You can and should establish and enforce boundaries as Puppy describes. If you don't you should just resign yourself to doormat status and the accompanying treatment.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
OK, since PMs are disabled, I just want to make a quick shout out.
Robx, I have read your story from your very first post. It HAS to be frustrating watching people walk the very same road that you have traveled. I watch my oldest son make some of the same mistakes that I did. I start to talk to him about it and realize I am saying some of the same things to him that my Dad said to me. I've tried to logic and reason. There is a reason we are on this road. We are feeling the same things that you did. We are walking a mile in your moccasins. I've read your posts on some other topics from some other noobs. The frustration shows. All I am saying.
That said, I want to reconcile my marriage. This is Divorce Busting. I realize I have a lot of lessons to learn. I realize that there is a lot of good advice that is out here. No two people, man or woman, are alike. No two situations are alike.
I AM a nice guy. I have treated my W like a doormat and been so treated. I think every marriage goes through that. I have tried some things and they haven't worked. I have tried some things and have appeared to make progress.
I would love to say that I am going to be one of those people who reconciles, pieces, etc. AND I keep coming back here. I would say though that we all came here because our marriages were broken and some aren't healed.
I don't want this to come across as some guy who doesn't want to listen. I just want to say that belittling doesn't serve anyone. This is all in brotherly love.
Me:42 W:38 M:17 Announcement: Jan '10 S Filed: Mar '10
