Grit, Thanks. I have been reading what you posted over and over again since yesterday. I "know" the things you say are true and I understand them, I think that on my journey I am moving towards "wanting" them. Specifically, wanting for her to find her way even if that way is without me. This is where my work lies.
What you wrote above is one of the few things my W has said that I do believe. She says it a little differently. My W says, "She does not know what she wants right now". I think she vacilates between wanting me or the M or the kids and wanting her freedom.
M&H, Tipper called it on her last post on my thread, about the MLCer cycling and that is exactly what my W is doing. And yes it does suck, I was pretty much on a high but the surprising thing for me was that I did not plumet to some new low. I guess knowledge is power, I knew this was normal so when it happened, it was not unexpected.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
MHL, this is quite a dance, isn't it? Good for you for not letting this backward jump affect you as much as it could have.
I completely understand where you are coming from. I have seen definite forward progress and then of course backward pedaling. I finally am detached enough to not let it bother me, at least to the extent it might have before.
My mantra truly has become to (try to) let go and let God.
Me? I actually don't care if you hate me, or anyone else for that matter...as long as you stop bleating, think for yourself and challenge yourself to greater things.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Ooooh I'll take a Daquari or a Corona and maybe some Steve Miller Band ... gotta love little Friday ... especially when I'm not working tomorrow ... see ya on the alt ...
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
First things first, Happy Father's Day to all the awesome Dad's on the boards.
I think I had the best Father's Day of my life today. Started with church and then picked up my son from my W, very uneventful and somewhat cold from her, WHATEVER!!!
Got home and my D13 was busy cleaning the house vaccuumed cleaned kitchen, made my bed and was working hard when I came hom. Got a very heartfelt handmade and handwritten card from her. No gift could compare, EVER!!!!
Talked to D13 a little bit about mom, I mentioned compassion for her and that she may not realize what she is doing. Later while we were riding bikes I mentioned that the best Father's Day gift would be if she texted her mom (they have not spoken since Jan 3). My D13 invited my W over for dinner tonight and she accepted.
Awesome dinner for my family, all of us at the table together for the first time in over 6 months, Praise GOD!!! I fixed the meal, it was perfect!!! My W was impressed. D13 openned up more and more to my W as the night wore on.
My D13 is going to the movies with S9 and my W on Tuesday night!!!! I never expected this much progress in one evening, I knew that my D13 only wanted a big hug from her mommy but was too proud to admit it. Time for me to let go and let their relationship rebuild.
Biggie for me...as my W was leaving tonight she came up to me and hugged me!!!! It has been a long time since she initiated. She then hugged our D13, I thought I was going to cry tears of joy but kept it together. I walked my W out to her car and bid her farewell, nothing else happened except big smiles.
This is a big positive step but need to keep my expectations low. What a great day!!!!!
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
