I hope that this subject line doesn't embarass me later but for now, I am not giving up hope on my "marriage" from being restored.
I still love my wife (ex) and my three kids. I still miss her. I let her go but the fact I am not dating tells my kids and my ex otherwise. The kids started to ask me if I was going to begin dating. Now I know why. They found out that my ex is not interested in men. They must have kept this on their hearts for some time. My youngest just found out within the last couple of weeks, while my two older kids have known for somewhat longer.
They are handling it pretty well although they want clarification what our faith says about it. I told them the truth, that none are sin free. The difference is whether we embrace sin, or if we ask God for strenth t help us in our challenges. I was honest with them saying I dont know who is "good with God" and who isn't. It is a full time job focusing on our own individual walk with God without being able to be a mind reader about where others are in their relationship. Yes, we can judge in the sense how people act but we don't know what is going on internally. The only thing we can do is pray that God will keep our loved ones close and that we treat them as we would want to be treated.
They were surprised I knew. By the way, their mother knew they were going to talk to me about it. It does bother me that she didn't try to help them by having a family meeting instead of letting them speak to me without her. While I have the highest regard for my ex, this isn't the first time she has allowed someone else to "break the ice".
The kids are still angry with me that she left all these years ago and they blame me for my anger in what has been responsible for her leaving. I did discuss that there was a person my ex worked with that took advantage of a very sensitive time, and encouraged her to leave her family. The kids all agree that they never liked this person. I surprised them by telling them I prayed for her every day (the other woman) and that peace would come to her since she seemed angry enough to interfere in a family's relationships. My 15 year old son said she was ugly. I said that she wasnt really ugly but her heart made her appear less attractive. I said if her heart was more kind, I don't think he would've perceived her as ugly.
As I was saying the kids are still angry with me. It broke my heart that I still haven't changed enough to be the dad I so desperately want to be. As I close, since I need to get back to work, I did ask them to know how much I love them and want to be a great dad, so I suggested that they continue being as honest with me daily as they were tonight.
I have to go for now but I plan on being much more active on the boards. I have a lot to say and a lot to work through.
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
