Yeah, I do feel like my fear of doing something that makes her up and leave has subsided a lot. I finally started to understand that all I have been doing is enabling her and giving her more reasons to A. find the OM more attractive than me and B. not do anything to change the situation. I think that because the root of our problems are from the fact that I wasn't assertive for so long, that she's just expecting me to talk big and back down or not follow through.
"well, the problem with that is she would know that's a blatant lie. She sent it to my work email, which I have to constantly check and she knows that I wouldn't have "missed" an email."
You don't have to tell her that you missed it. Just say you were too busy.
Get the attention off of her and you see that she responds back. What you want to do is to build that momentum. Show her that she is no longer the most important thing in your life and that you've seemingly moved on. After all it's what she wanted right?
The point is to get her to miss you. I can definitely see it working in your sitch.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Yeah, I do feel like my fear of doing something that makes her up and leave has subsided a lot. I finally started to understand that all I have been doing is enabling her and giving her more reasons to A. find the OM more attractive than me and B. not do anything to change the situation. I think that because the root of our problems are from the fact that I wasn't assertive for so long, that she's just expecting me to talk big and back down or not follow through.
Confused Guy,
You are at the same point as many of us. Talk a threat or boundary and they are sure to cross it, JUST BECAUSE. You are going to have to take actions, which are not spoken. If she keeps doing it, you are going to waste alot of time.
She was in her room and I went in to ask a question, of course she starts trying to close out windows on her laptop. I asked her what she was doing and she openly admitted that she was chatting with him.
I calmly said ok, we talked about this yesterday. I clearly said that I do not want you communicating with him or any other guy if you're in this house, so since you can't do that, you can leave or I'm disconnectig the Internet. She said she was staying, so I said ok and got up. On my way out, she yelled, you don't have to do that, and I replied, yes I do.
After I cut it off, she found me and started trying to talk her way out of it, like I said no video, I said that my exact words were no communication in our house. I told her that she knew what I wanted and she did it anyway and this was the consequence. She just laughed at that and sAid that I should just go ahead and file the paperwork for divorce. I told her no, if that's what she wants, she can do it, but I am not. Then she said that since she stayed a her moms last weekend, it was my turn to leave, again, I simply said no. That I was not leaving this house. So she did her typical snarky whatever comment and walked away.
I'm sure she's just on her phone either talking or im'ing with him, but I can't really stop her from using her phone without physically taking it away from her and I'm not going to be accused of domestic violence or anything like that.
It did feel good to stand up to her. It's funny, I wasn't that upset about the fact that she was talking to another guy, just that she blatenly ignored me. But now that she's so pissed at me, doesn't that just push her closer to him? Shell bitch about what I did, he'll tell her how childish and sad it was for me to do that, and now they just have more to bond over?
Some times our WAW are someone elses "hoe", definately not ours. You have to treat as such, because as you see they will use you like a toilet. Some of our WAW are being "stupid" and don't care, the only thing you can take away is YOU, and your financial and emotional support.
She's trying to print out the forms now. She said wha I did wasn't neccasary. I told her it was because I'm not going to enable her to have an affair in our house, to which she replied, I'm not having an affair. I told her that I wasn't arguing with her and walked away.
I really get the vibe that she thinks I'm just being immature for cutting off the internet. Is that a normal thing when this is really the first time that I've stood up to her, and really did it in a very calm and matter of fact, no over dramatic fashion?
Oh, also...I went to get my laptop fromthe master bedroom because I have a 3g data card to use, anyway, she's laying in our bed and told me that she's sleeping there tonight so I can sleep somewhere else. I told her that I decide where I'm sleeping. She said ok, but I'm sleeping here.
AND I WAS RIGHT. she just came storming into the living room demanding that I turn it back on since she pays for half of it. That this is why she wants to get a divorce, because it's childish for me to turn it off. I told her that I'm not arguing, that this is me standing by what I made clear. If she needs the internet, she needs to find another source for it.
wow, everyone was right that the worst was to come. I just got verbally assaulted. Sorry for all of the posts though.
She stormed back in here again telling me how childish and immature I'm being by cutting off the internet. I told her that again, I'm not enabling her to carry on an affair under our roof. She says that we're done, no chance of fixing things, so there's no point now, to turn it back on. I told her no. As long as we're under the same roof, that was my rule and I wasn't backing down. I told her that I'm not being childish, I'm taking control of this situation, so then she launches into me about how i should have taken control of situations 5 years ago, that's what a man would do and I'm not a man. I stayed calm, and told her that yes, she's right. I should have taken on my responsibilities a long time ago, but right now, I am and nothing is changing my mind.
I'm wondering if it's time for me to get out of the house for a bit since it seems like she's coming at me non stop. or is it better to let her vent, actually show some emotions, and just remain calm, don't argue?
She's just walking around the house talking to him on the phone now.
She sounds like a two-year-old having a temper tantrum. I'm in no position to give advice, but I think you've got her attention. Now just keep ignoring her in your calm way.
