Sorry to see you here, but you are in the right place to get the support you need.
Trying and Deep's posts resonate very closely to my situation. Read and re-read them, as they cut to the chase both on your current situation, and a strategy for you to work on.
I have a WAW who walked out and she has said and done alot of the things your W has said/done. Even to the point where she started to dress and undress in the bathroom, as though she was uncomfortable with me seeing her.
Unfortunately, I was in denial for over a year and consequently, I have found out since she was/is seeing OM. As tough as it is we have to move on, though it does not stop you from DB'ing in the process.
As long as it isn't a dealbreaker, if you were to find out she is in an EA/PA would you want her back? I did not heed the advice I was given then because I was scared to upset my W with the actions I was advised to do, but when I read those posts now I so wish I had implemented the advice I was given during the early days. It seems counter-intuitive but it might have worked in restoring my M, but more importantly it would have helped me restore my self esteem and not be seen as a doormat.
As Deep has said, you cannot dismiss the fact she may be involved or interested in OP. WAS's do not do this on a whim. My W had planned when she was going to tell me it was over - the week after we came back from a family skiing holiday!! Can you believe that. Her mindset will be months ahead of yours, my W had grieved the end of our marriage three months before she told me, crying in her car going to work.
When I think back, the non-contact, going out all of a sudden, weight loss (though that could have been through stress), going to the gym, new clothes, underwear, guarding her mobile etc.
The person my W is now is not the person she was - a person I would not want to be with, though a part of me will always love her, as she is the mother of my children.
Why would you want to be with somebody that has treated you this way? Would you accept this behaviour if it came from a neighbour or work colleague, as it shows a complete lack of respect towards you. Love and respect are very closely linked, and it appears your W does not respect you at the moment.
It has taken me 15 months to get to this point. I am still hurt, but I am better than I was a year ago, no question. Please, please take the advice you are being given here, it is coming from people who have gone through this, and in the main our WAS' do follow a script, we, as the LBS's have to rise above the garbage we see and hear.
Make changes for you to become a better man for YOU and not her.
Good luck.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
Thanks very much. It's 5am and I'm trying to leave the house. She'll be at work most of the day followed by time with the kids after school so unless she interacts online I don't believe there will be time for OM during the week. I do want to continue the M even if there is someone else. I hope through counseling and my steps to become the man I used to be she will realize that our M and more importanly, kids/family are too important to end. I appreciate your input and support!
She'll be at work most of the day followed by time with the kids after school so unless she interacts online I don't believe there will be time for OM during the week.
I thought that as well....with FB (root of evil) on her cell...i would keep your eyes open, any chance to get cell phone bill and see the numbers texting and calling?
hope we are all barking up wrong tree, but if there is OM in the picture it is going to be very hard to get WAW to respond to you.
gman
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
Consider this...if you get focused on if there's an OW and there isn't, you will have lost time toward making those changes about yourself. If there was an OM, and it seems you have no evidence to suggest that, then why would that be? It would be because of a failure in the relationship - the connection that cemented you together for many years slowly or suddenly dissolved.
Keep your eyes open, but focus on the target - a happy marriage.
Hi gman. I'm trying to access the Sprint records but they're site is down. I'll look at the call record asap. How do you check the record of texts without actually looking at her phone?
This is the 2nd week of a new job and to be honest I'd rather be ?ywhere else but I'll stick with it. I'm 60 miles from home right now so I feel terrible about the distance although I'll be home by 6pm.
I never thought about the fact that the WAS usually does follow a script. Or has a decision making process with you as the betrayed husband in exactly the position you are today.
They are counting on you to be reliable in the position of what is now a cuckholded husband.
Really, they are expecting you to be responsible, reliable, pay some bills, help out with kids and tasks as necessary while doing what they are doing. When they got into it, they made a decision that your needs are not important, and that their affair is very important.
They have rationalized this, and its what where up against.
Hi gman. I'm trying to access the Sprint records but they're site is down. I'll look at the call record asap. How do you check the record of texts without actually looking at her phone?
This is the 2nd week of a new job and to be honest I'd rather be ?ywhere else but I'll stick with it. I'm 60 miles from home right now so I feel terrible about the distance although I'll be home by 6pm.
Sprint will only show you the NUMBER of text messages, not WHOM they were sent to/received from, nor their content. Unless they've upgraded since I dropped them last year and went to AT&T. But if there is OM, you can rest assured that it will be reflected in a huge increase in the quantity of text messages.
If you have "detailed billing" set up, however, you WILL be able to see the phone numbers of all calls, sent and received, and the time of day, # of minutes, etc. You could then do a reverse lookup on any suspicious activity.
And yes, it's best to know, so we'll know what we're dealing with, and can better combat it.
