H came again yesterday and got more stuff. Didn't go well. H saw tears. Told him I didn't like that he wouldn't come home to stay or visit so quit coming to get stuff. He said he'd make a list and come back once more to get the rest and "then it'd all be done". That's when I got upset. Told him I don't get how after 17 years together, he has no more emotion about this than he would taking the garbage can to the road. He's acting like this is no more of a big deal than that is. Told H that I deserve to know why and what happened for him to be fine one day, have a week of him acting crazy and then it end with him telling me he wants a D. All that he would say was that he was unhappy and tired of the sh*t between us. Asked what sh*t because there was none and he only said we'd talk soon because he wasn't going to talk in front our daughter. Amazes me that he can up and leave and not care about anyone but himself, can refuse to listen to my kids when they want to talk, come take his stuff repeatedly in front of them, but suddenly their feelings come into play when I want to talk!
Yes, that sounds frustrating. Of course these discussions shouldn't be had in front of daughter as you know. But if I were you, it would be difficult for me to hear him get on his high horse about the children after his past behavior in front of them.
Yes, you are correct. He does not want to deal with your feelings. He cannot deal with his own. You are going to have to be strong and get help with your feelings elsewhere unfortunately (church, family, friends, writing it down on a piece of paper and throwing it away!, counseling if possible).
I'm so confused. In the last couple weeks, I've come to realize that the chance of him coming back is non existent. I HATE that this is happening. I wish that I still had my marriage in tact but I don't. It was so hard to trust that he wouldn't leave again prior to this but now that he has, I don't think that I will ever be able to trust him again. IOW, if he asked to come back, I don't know that I would let him b/c I can't trust him. If I did, it would only be to push my own feelings aside for my kids' sake. I would be so scared everyday.
Now I sit here, papers ready to sign, but not sure what to do. I know that once the papers are signed, a court date determining what portion of bills I will be responsible for and the amount of money he'd have to give me would be determined. He's currently paying all of the bills but not giving me any money for gas, groceries, spending, etc. That means he's paying about $2550/month in bills. It's my understanding that I would be responsible for paying a percentage of the bills. Currently, I have no income to do so. With that in mind, I think I need to wait to sign until after I have an income. On the other hand, if it's based upon a percentage, he makes 100% more income than I, so I wonder if that means he'd have to continue paying 100% of the bills. On yet another hand, if I had to pay 50%, that would be $1275 and if he had to give me child support ($900 from what I can tell), then that would leave me only $375 per month to come up with.
I just don't know what to do. Financially, I am completely broke and have no clue when I will have an income. A local CPA is trying to help me find bookkeeping clients so that I can work from home charging $30/hour to do bookkeeping. I have no customers yet and not sure how long that will be. He's given me 24/7 access to his office, internet, phones, fax lines, as well as free attendance to weekly meetings of a business referral group. It's just not panned out yet.
Others keep telling me to do whatever I have to do to stay in my house because I'll never even find a apartment to rent for the same price and I'll also not find anywhere to stay that could store all of our stuff.
Any advice would be great. I'm so confused and don't know if I should sign papers without having an income yet, if I should agree to put house up for sale, etc. Thanks.
