Hi, I`m Celestial, a poster from 5 years ago. My sitch, Me 53, H(#2)47. Our problem started 6 yrs. ago when H realized he no longer wanted to be with me when I found out I was going to be a grandmother. Not very good for his imagine. Dropped the bomb 5 years ago. Have been living together all this time. H put on a great act for everyone, but I knew what he was up to all along.
Ive learned so much about myself during his MLC. H is still at replay stage and never went past it. This past winter was the breaking point for us, 5 years of tales and woes, and I decided I love him, but learned to love myself more, so his drama must stop for me.
I filed for D last month, he was begging for me to do so, after our sitch finally came to a head, I realised it`s time to accept my sitch, and move on.
H is in for a shock, because I`m unemployed at the moment, not good for him, lets say he`ll be up against some unexpected financial stuff, I`ve also been available to him throught his crisis, saving him when I shouldn`t have, I won`t be around for him to rely on. As much as he thinks I`m the reason for ALL his problems, I know he loves me, one day he will see it as well.
I would like to remain friends, but he`s not into that. He wants me out of his life, once and for all, and for good. So, he`s getting his wish, and that`s when his crisis will be full blown, when he`ll be on his own.
Celestial, Welcome back! I'm sorry you are still dealing w/the mlc fall out. You have done everything humanly possible to make things work and yet, he's still stuck. There comes a time when you know what you have to do and your time has come...let him go. You've shouldered the responsibility far too long and now you must cut the ties and allow your man/child to leave the nest and grow up.
I'm very sorry it is going to end this way, but your journey will take a different path from his and you will continue to grow by leaps and bounds. No matter the outcome, you are a survivor.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi Celestial-sorry to hear that you H is still in replay and that you have filed for D but snodderly makes sense and it sounds like you are ready to move on!
My H filed last month and expects the D to be fairly simple too but he will also find that he is not getting out so easily. I know he thinks this will end his pain and he can just move on.
The kids and I are having our first holiday, without him being here physically, I think he wasn't here mentally over Thanksgiving and Christmas!
I wish you well! Please keep posting...it seems we will both be going through our D's at the same time!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Snodderly, Thank you so much for your support. Yes, I have tried, I L my H, but it`s time to let him go. Between years 3-4, things were great, I DB,(which has helped me throughout all areas of my life)he wanted to behave, I believed him, and I was hoping MLC was behind him. Amazing how normal he acted, he knew just what to do and say to me to keep me hanging until the ugly monster came back out with a venegance.
This time I was ready for him, learned so much about myself, and him, have so many friends and family who love me and only want me back as a part of their world. I want to enjoy life again. It saddens me that H won`t be in my life, but I do think in time when and if he ever comes out of MLC, we`ll talk again.
Funny about leaving the nest. All this time I caught H before he hung himself, got him out of some hairy situations, but now he`ll have all the rope he needs, and he will hang himself. Should be interesting.
Confusedwife, I can remember Easter was our first holiday 5 years ago that we weren`t together, and guess what? This Easter we still go our separate ways. But it`s so much better. No tension, lots of good people, a good time, instead of being sick with worry about H.
My problem now seems to be that since I filed, it is so much harded to DB aroud H. He is very happy he`s getting his freedom, and it shows. I will not leave my house until he hands me a check for half, I haven`t figured anything out yet about where to go, but I`m sure I`ll find a place.
Today I told him that I`m not the reason for his unhappiness, that he needs to get help, and he said he is getting help, by me D him. He won`t make that turn out of his tunnel until I`m out of the picture. I`ve always been available to him by being under the same roof, I plan on going dark once I`m gone. Something I have never been able to do under the same roof.
This is all still a fantasy to him. It`s very real to me.
Hi Celestial, It has been just as long for me. I can't believe it is almost 7 years. A d did not help. My former h is still in replay. In fact it is so normal for him I wonder if he ever had an mlc. I know he is still unhappy but does not outwardly show it.
Your h thinks that a d will make him happy but once it is all said and done he will know what he has lost. If he is anything like mine he will stay in replay so he does not have to deal with his life.
You in the meantime will move forward with your life.
I agree, he won`t feel anything until I`m gone. I`m sorry you ended up the same as me. We were working so hard to save our M`s, but a LBS can take just so much.
A D didn`t help your H, and it won`t help mine. They honestly believe we were their problem in life. Sometimes I think my H will never come out of it, like you said, I feel this is normal behavior for my H, because he thinks he`s normal and doesn`t do anything wrong and he justifies his behavior.
Celestial My did say that he cries about what he did to his family and now even ow knows about it. I beleive he does but that gives him more reason to hide under a rock. It was not really a revelation or realization. I think even more than ever he will stay with ow and live out his life this way. I feel sorry for her. I don't know why any one would want to live that way.
