[But she doesn't have it turned up to 11 like you MF.
Ferg - You've seen two very different sides. Unfortunately (or not), you haven't seen the side that I'm talking about IRL (only here to a degree).
In everything I do, I am surrounded by smiling, supportive, inviting people. I just choose to live that way. I'm the fastest friend, but also have the quickest dismissal... With me, you can either hang, or not... (Admission - I tend to ignore people too quickly, almost impolitely.)
So, the fact that professionally and personally I am surrounded by people that are just plain good, BY CHOICE, is probably intimidating to H. He isn't like that at all. He may think he is, but he is surrounded by them, only because I am. He does nothing to initiate nor nurture their existence.
With that said... he is an "entertainer" and revels in it. If there's a crowd, he has the funniest joke, the most applicable story, the best hip, new shirt, the craziest antic, etc... (Gosh, typing that actually nauseates me.) So, my "supporting staff" finds him SO funny, SO charming, SO current, etc... We are the "cool couple/parents". ICK
I realize that extra info doesn't reconcile w/this...
[quote}My H's biggest complaint about me was my need to make friends everywhere. Maybe he should have been enough of one! Huh? (Sorry, that was mean.). [/quote]
But, the reality is... I think he's always been annoyed that I tend to lead (SHOCK), and is truly jealous of his thunder being stolen. But, I just am myself... typically warm, sunny, and inviting. He's not like that in a crowd. He only warms to it, after launch.
I think you're probably (a lot)right about him not feeling like I pay enough attention to him. The reality is... he's always been the king of zingers. So, every time we go somewhere, or entertain at home, he has probably said something to rile me, and it launches my desire to be ME around others LIKE me, with or without him.
And, to finish this thought... do you remember the "circle of friends" email intro? H's would have, well, um... probably not ONE that considers him a true friend. I struggle w/having a HANDFUL of truly BFF's, and another two handfuls of people who consider themselves really close friends of mine. And, an (for lack of a better term) entourage of 20+ others that I could call/txt on a whim and have dinner plans immediately.
No idea of that the above sounds like, or how it reads. I woke up at 3am w/a terrible sore throat and fever. Now, I can't sleep.
/Just re-read it... I've always been friendly, but maybe I cherish others friendships, since I haven't really cherished ours for a long time. //OK, I think I can sleep now, but it's time to wake up! ///You guys are the best. My head will surely swell. ////Do I need to type slashies when I'm done?
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Well after reading that, all I can say is, too bad for Mr. Mind if he wants you to be the backup dancer because you are not the wind beneath his wings...
Just keep being you, it is too bad he can't handle it!
Hugs and coffee....sorry you didn't get much sleep...
My H's biggest complaint about me was my need to make friends everywhere. Maybe he should have been enough of one! Huh? (Sorry, that was mean.).
Hey Mind, I've been thinking about that comment all day. What kind of tool doesn't want his partner to be outgoing? Was he jealous that you stole his spotlight? Was he more comfortable being a wallflower? Not paying enough attention to him?
Expound please?
--Fergie
Why would someone feel left out if their partner was more interested in other people than him? It's about how they view the situation. I am by no means excusing Mr MF (pun intended) but you have to be able to see things from new perspectives. If his LL was QT then he sure would feel slighted. It also doesn't mean Mindfull changes who she is to accomodate a spouse just be aware of what the wants of your sig other are.
Solution: If something is bothering you then it is your responsiblity to bring it up.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
maybe I cherish others friendships, since I haven't really cherished ours for a long time.
Gosh Mind..maybe we are married to the same guy. My H always resented my close friendships (he never had any) and for the first time you got me thinking maybe I didn't cherish ours either
Hang in there girl - you are doing just fine. I am right behind you (well amongst your entourage)
Luv Luvs you!
Last edited by luvless; 04/29/1002:54 PM.
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
Coach I'm a total lover, not a fighter/arguer. I tend to be affectionate, attentive, and prob a bit gooey, even. He always tweaked me right before going in somewhere, just to stir the pot. I called him on it many times. I hear what you're saying re:paying attention. Who wants to pay attention to someone riling them, on purpose, though?
Anyways, no matter. He's busy ignoring his family, in his own love shack w/someone new. And, that is just plain dealbeaking for me. It won't be long now...
Always good to think many ways. Hopefully, the next person adores being adored.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
DLS. Thanks for stopping in. And expressing interest in our topic. Favor, please? Before you chime in, please tke the time to understand the situation.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Coach I'm a total lover, not a fighter/arguer. I tend to be affectionate, attentive, and prob a bit gooey, even. He always tweaked me right before going in somewhere, just to stir the pot. I called him on it many times. I hear what you're saying re:paying attention. Who wants to pay attention to someone riling them, on purpose, though?
Anyways, no matter. He's busy ignoring his family, in his own love shack w/someone new. And, that is just plain dealbeaking for me. It won't be long now...
Always good to think many ways. Hopefully, the next person adores being adored.
and there it is!
Last edited by luvless; 04/29/1003:13 PM.
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
