Found out today on online court site that my husband did file for divorce. We met through friends and dated long distance, he is west african I am american. We dated for 3 years and went there to marry. We married in 2006 but he came here in 2008. Our marriage was hard and we fought but there was love but the stress causd meto gain so much weight and sex was les and lessand found out he was online dating stringing women along.He said it was due to depression of our marriage I was so angry and told a lot of friends instead of working on things with him. Anyways we fought fought fought and he has face reprocussion in our church but he is willing to face that. So my question is....i still may want to see if things work out cause divorce is ugly. but i dont want to be railroaded by divorce. it tok a lot of money to get him to usa and all the immmigration fees and I want that back. he never really took care of me financially. it was the other way around. so if I fight for this it will probably kill any hope for reconciliation right? I dont want to be stupid anymore but still what if there is achance we can reconcile
Also when I called him he said he felt like there was something holding down his neck...which is our marriage. he wanted to feel free but that maybe someday we can be together again but for now we are not compatible. i dont know. he even called awhile ago to ask me a tax question. and says he will always hold me in high esteem.
should i not accept his calls anymore? my sis says its all legalities now and we shouldnt talk anymore. my friend said to answer phone and just act like nothing is wrong.
Inoticed that you posted you go to church ..so some of this refers to God in context.
My H said it was all just legal paperwork that it wouldnt stop whatever we feel for each other. Well signed the D papers and It does feel different... I does make you feel free and somehow a way out of a commitment. I dont like it, it adds leverage for who ever filed, in my case anyway.
They can feel like they have a right to no ties.
But then again ..who wants to be "loved" by forcing someone to go through something.they are not given over to of there own free will.
Its something you give to eachother. You cant make anyone do what they dont want to. Its difficult it you want someone and they dont want you, I understand now why they came up with the phrase "life isnt fair" add to that that marriage isnt always fair either.
I have come to my own conclusion that I am here to love and God is there just like he says "vengence is mine" and can totaly give better judgement on others for me than I could ever have on my own.
He will let come about what will and in the end He is the one that gives justice by giving natural circumstance. So no matter how I feel about what has made me not like my XH I will not judge him. I will instead have a heart of love and let God take care of the rest.
This doesnt mean I need to be around him or make extra efforts to forget him and ignore him, but it means I do need to act civil or as if "everything" is going ok for me. Because it is, in reality just a circumstance and I am OK.
When I realy am ready to cut it off and I decide I dont want what XH has potential to offer then I will be free ...but not untill I am ready to say thats where I want to be.
So what I have found is that I fight untill I feel like I have hit my brick wall so hard that I am bashed. At that point I can take a step back and heal and come around with another approach , maybe fight for the realationship again. Each time If He is just as stuburn and insistant that its over for him then It gets easier to "Let It Go" and say its not your problem ,,its his with his own consqueces to deal with that I cannot forsee but God can.
Just remember dont do anything out of anger...most likely you will regret it later. If you can't do it (talk to them, think about them, interact with them) through your love for someone then do it through Gods love.. trusting that going through him will turn out the better circumstances than your anger will.
(ps...they usually tell you not to talk to eachother during divorce so the weaker of the two will not be influenced into a position that is unfair legaly....has nothing to do with the "realtionship" but has to do with psychology between the two people and legal fairness for the division.
M 36/ H 40 4 children HMLC= 5/2009 sign d 3/2010 (to be final 6/10) m16yrs/17yrs in Sept
resource for me: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1964990&page=1
