You know, you see a friend treating their spouse like sh!t, having A's, etc.
Do you wimp out and tell yourself it's none of your business? Not your problem? Be supportive of your "friend" no matter how disgusting the behavior?
I can truthfully say that I stepped up when a couple of friends tried to justify their ridiculous behavior to me. I called them on their excuses and the hurtful things they were doing to their partners.
It ultimately didn't stop them, but I could see they looked shocked and ashamed for a moment, and at least my values were still intact.
Kimmie - wish you were on of my W's friends and stepped up with her. Takes guts to do what you did.
other than my own situation i have not had this come up....OM was my friend, had i known he was in A (with my W or not) i would have said something to him....but alsa don't think i will ever be talking to him again....lol
Gman
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
I bet there are tons of people on this forum who went along to get along, but now that the shoe is on the other foot, they wish their "friends" would tell it like it is.
I have counseled an old and dear friend just this week on this very subject. I empathized with her (her husband told her he doesn't love her anymore ), but told her she and the other guy should BOTH be unencumbered (S or D) before they go down this road, and that she would only end up heartbroken and despised.
I also told her, based on just some cursory questions about her OM and his family, that this guy is NOT going to leave his wife and kids for her! He'll TELL her she will, just to get in her pants, but he's never going to do it and she's only going to be even more disillusioned when this all comes crashing down.
The few friends I have let know about my situation always seem to ask the same question "Why?" I always laugh and respond "If I knew the answer do you think I would be going through this?"
Kimmie wish I would have had a friend like you 15 years ago that had enough insight to step up and say "Hey! Listen you two!"
M:40 W:40 D: 21 S: 18 D: 17 Md: 18 years -1/19/2010 W wants out -6/03/10 "Live for today, for tomorrow is promised to no-one.."
I noticed my W stopped contact with almost anyone (except her parents) that would have disagreed and stood up to her on her affair. She is only now reconnecting with those old friends.
I don't think I have ever known anybody IRL who had an affair (?). My sister did start dating my now brother in law very soon after her first divorce and it got serious very fast. While I liked my now BIL right off the bat I was concerned and did voice that to her. They married about a year later and I also was concerned about the speed of things and did tell her. They just celebrated their 6 yr. anniversary and they have a very lovely marriage.
My H moved in with our best friends shortly after he moved out of our home and conducted his affair in their home for months. Obviously that was terribly hurtful on many levels and I have never spoken to them since (nor have they tried to contact me). I just have to accept none of them are the people I thought they were.
Having been on the receiving end of an affair I would for SURE say something if I had a friend in an affair. I am not sure what I would say or how I would approach it but I would try.
I do have one really good friend that is happy but unhappy in his marriage. I have known him for most of my life so I know him well. His wife is really great and it seems most of their problems stem from lack of time together due to their daughter and crazy work schedules and not any sort of major issue. I have shared with him how painful a separation/divorce is and IMO how their problems are ones that can be solved. He is in it for the long haul and so is she so I hope they can get it all sorted out.
), but told her she and the other guy should BOTH be unencumbered (S or D) before they go down this road, and that she would only end up heartbroken and despised.