I am resurrecting my journal due to the fact that my husband has decided to leave at the end of may when our daughter is out of school. I am very upset at this decision and I wish he would fight for our family. I wish I knew what I did that was so awful..really..to constitute breaking up a family. I have never, would never and will not cheat on my husband..I have said it before and I mean it. I am Catholic and I take my vows very seriously. So cheating is out..I have not been emotionally abusive or physically abusive so thats out...I may have lied on the bills but really you can work on that type of stuff...I just dont see how people fall out of love. I dont. I think it is pure BS if you ask me. I love my husband but at this point there is nothing more I can do. I tried very hard to change. It was not good enough for him and that is sad. I have apologized to him so many times for my mistakes but his mind is made up. I have to let him go and I feel so sorry for our children..so sorry. I had so many plans for our future. Other than focus on myself and my children there is nothing in the world I can do and I hate feeling so helpless. I remember all our good times..he remembers only the bad. But he has made it clear he is 1000 percent done and he is barely talking to me right now...I dont know...Maybe it is for the best. Maybe he will be happy...I just wish I could get my old husband back. It is not my responsiblity to make him see what he is giving up anymore. I have been a loving and supportive wife. I have stuck by his side no matter what. If that is my downfall then so be it...at least I tried to save my family which is more than I can say for him.
Are you talking with one of the DB counselors on the phone? If not, you should. If you don't want your marriage to end and you've still got a little fight left in you, then don't give up now. He hasn't moved out yet so you're not without options. Stop lying on the bills... spend the money on the DB coach and be honest about it with him. Stop saying you're sorry and start by showing him. Actions speak louder than words. Pain beats out regret every day of the week and twice on Sundays.
When you are happy as an individual, you are in a better position to determine whether a partner enhances your happy life or weighs it down.
He plans to move out this weekend. I do have fight left in me. But he does not want me to fight. He said he wishes I would get it through my head that it is over. O-V-E-R. I said has the last 10 years meant nothing to you and he said I dont know go ask your therapist. I am hurting. That is for sure. I have stopped lying on the bills..I leave receipts in a folder and forward him the confirmation but I am afraid he has made up his mind..too little too late I suppose. I have showed him for the past 7 months that I am a different person but he is unwilling to forgive and forget. All he wanted was for me to change and when I did it was too late. We had a very passionate love together. We were best friends which in the beginning of this mess he said we were now he says we never were. I just am going to have to let go. Plain and simple. I wish he could look at this like an adult. If I had to live the last 10 years of my life over again I would do it just the same. It hurts me that he sees NO good times and I meant nothing to him....I am without options at this point....