How many here have been married before?

[Kimmie Lee]

I was just wondering, because we all seem to think our WAS, or, if you'll excuse the expression, MLC'ers, are "confused" and "in the fog" and that once they wake up, draw a sober breath, etc, etc, they will see the error of their ways and come running back to us.

Really?

How many of you previously married people "miss" your exes?

How many have woken up and run back?

[TrentC]

I cannot speak for myself as this is my first marriage; however, my father divorced my mother (his third marriage) to be with another woman, and came back. They were remarried within a year.

[mrbt]

First marriage for me and wifey.

[courageous wife]

First marraige for me, second for H. His first ended because his W had an affair, his second is ending because he is having an affair+MLC. His choice. There are many stories on here that describe WAS's finding their way back after they come out of the fog! There are also many stories that have described a better life after a D. I am always encouraged to read a happy ending, whether it means the divorce was busted or the LBS has moved on to a better life!!!!

[Kimmie Lee]

Oh, I agree with what you say.

What I don't understand is how so many LBS's believe that they are the only "best" option for the WAS. To me, this plays into the notion that there is just one "soulmate" for each of us. I'm calling B.S.

Most WAS go on to be happy somewhere else and never give a second thought. Why would they? Those of us who have been married before do not pine away for our former spouses, we find another. And they don't miss us either.

Well, maybe some can't get over it and get stuck forever. And that's just sad.

[gman]

I was just wondering, because we all seem to think our WAS, or, if you'll excuse the expression, MLC'ers, are "confused" and "in the fog" and that once they wake up, draw a sober breath, etc, etc, they will see the error of their ways and come running back to us.

I see the WAS "confused" or in a "fog" just as an addict who acts while under the infleunce - once they sober up they may see the damage they caused and want to return and rebuild what was there, but there is also the chance the will just move on to their next addiction and not look back.

Most WAS go on to be happy somewhere else and never give a second thought. Why would they?

depending on the situation i guess - kids, no kids, change in LBS, thing of that nature probably have an affect on "most people" and if they want to return

[CityGirl]

My H and I were both first marriages.

I don't know anybody IRL that reconciled after a separation and I certainly don't know anybody that remarried after a divorce.

I know it happens but I don't think it is common.

I am not sure the WAS never gives the LBS a second thought even if they are with or married to somebody else but I would guess it is more just a fleeting thought and nothing more.

Based on all that I have read and witnessed I think most WAS are done when they say they are done and anything more is cake eating or an attemp to get the LBS "on board" with an easy divorce. I don't doubt for a second the WAS may be hurt of confused or in their own pain but when *most* (not all) people make the declaration they are done, well, they are.

After what my H put me through legally I would not reconcile with him under any circumstance. There is no way I could go through that again. I simply could not. I disagree totally with the "divorce is just a piece of paper". Maybe I feel that way because getting divorced in this state is a very long, difficult and costly process but once I signed my name to that paper that was it for me.

When I was signing the documents with my attny he was explaining to me what would need to happen if my H and I reconciled. I told him flat out once I sign my name that is it. No more. It's not even about the money but there is no way I could go through the emotional turmoil from a legal sense I did the first time around.

It's really tough because when you are the LBS, early on you feel all kinds of hope and promise. I felt the same thing. I thought my H was different (lol, he was so textbook it wasn't even funny). As an experienced LBS most of what I see is textbook and I can almost guess how things will go for "new LBS". It's terribly sad but reality.

I do think of my H from time to time and once in a while I still get kind of sad and sometimes really sad.

[tristan]

I will chime in here. I was a LBS. My W was in an affair and truly believed she was on her way out (never to come back). We seperated. She believed she was about to start a new life with her new man, he believed that too. Truthfully, I never fully believed it myself (call it denial).

However, something happened. On the trip with OM to start their shiny new lives together, she realized she missed her old life. She changed her mind about the direction she was taking with her life. She changed her mind.

We are working through our issues. But I am extremely happy with her change of heart and mind. I know it doesn't always happen that way. In fact I probably am in the minority. But it does happen.

Not everyone on this board will save their marriages. But not all the marriages are hopeless either.

One thing is certain though. If you follow peoples advice here; you will eventually find a sense of control and happiness in your life no matter what happens.

[MrBond]

"What I don't understand is how so many LBS's believe that they are the only "best" option for the WAS."

I don't think it's that the LBS believes they are the "best" option. It's the fact that they are married and in a marriage you work things out through the good times and bad. When a WAS leaves because they just "fell out of love" or "found their true soulmate" in someone else is a load of BS.

What you don't feed will die in any relationship. Even with people whom you think are your "soulmate". I personally know many couples who D and remarried because the WAS who left found out they really didn't like what they thought they wanted.

[mrbt]

Based on all that I have read and witnessed I think most WAS are done when they say they are done and anything more is cake eating or an attemp to get the LBS "on board" with an easy divorce. I don't doubt for a second the WAS may be hurt of confused or in their own pain but when *most* (not all) people make the declaration they are done, well, they are.

I think you are right.