feel disgusted by the things they've done? Whether the relationship is saved or not, when the smoke clears and the pain, bitterness, and resentment are gone, do you think they feel genuine remorse for the choices they've made? From the affairs, lying, harsh words, and selfishness.
I think about my WAS and all the things she has done and I can't imagine that she can look in the mirror and feel very good about what she sees.
I think more importantly is when I look back will I be able to forgive/forget/move on with my life rather then dwell on what someone else has done. Only knowing one side of the story I would say F the B and get on with life.
M:40 W:40 D: 21 S: 18 D: 17 Md: 18 years -1/19/2010 W wants out -6/03/10 "Live for today, for tomorrow is promised to no-one.."
My H never did. He has said he is sorry for hurting me but I don't believe him otherwise he would not continue doing the same things.
I do think my H had a few guilt issues and he did see a C three times. Essentially the C validated his bad behavior and told him that if he just tells me I am sorry then his guilt will go away and the rest is on me. If I had not heard this with my own two ears I would not have believed it.
My H has said ONCE that he knows he treated me "poorly" but that was only when he wanted/needed something from me.
What he sees when he looks in the mirror? I don't know and I don't care. My H has always been masterful at surrounding himself with people that feed his ego, coddle him and validate everything he does so my guess is not much has changed.
Everything my H has apologized for was not backed up by actions. My H knew his attny was a dirt bag that was essentially terrorizing me and my H cried up and down and said he was sorry. But he kept with the same attny. So, no, he was not sorry.
Maybe one day he will deal with it all. Or maybe he has in his own way.
I think more importantly is when I look back will I be able to forgive/forget/move on with my life rather then dwell on what someone else has done. Only knowing one side of the story I would say F the B and get on with life.
No, I get that. I get that we're not really victims in this but active participants in a twisted dance of intimacy. We have the ability to choose our own path. More just curious what people's experience has been.
Now I remember why I don't come to this area much, so much anger and hostility, although understandable, knowing what I know now, I wish you well and hope you find a way to release it other than injecting your own pain in others.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
feel disgusted by the things they've done? Whether the relationship is saved or not, when the smoke clears and the pain, bitterness, and resentment are gone, do you think they feel genuine remorse for the choices they've made? From the affairs, lying, harsh words, and selfishness.
I think about my WAS and all the things she has done and I can't imagine that she can look in the mirror and feel very good about what she sees.
Thoughts?
I sincerely hope so. But if they don't feel any of those things, they aren't worth either knowing or worrying about. I feel even worse about the OM who is my ex friend and colleague. I don't know how they carry on smiling and having holidays and generally living it up. It has to catch up with them someday.
I know where you're coming from CK. I long to know that my WAW is torn up inside as much as I am, hope that she can suffer just 1% of the disruption I sit amongst. I doubt she'll ever really understand what she did to me, I certainly don't think she's ever been driven to consider taking her own life.
But we'll probably never know these things. And I'm still here, still breathing, and I still have the moral high ground. You will too. And we will all end up being better people at the end of it all, no matter how hard it is to believe it at the moment.
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
how funny....this came up @ lunch today with WAW and myself. She is out of fog and realises the crap she pulled and how it has permanetly changed our family and the way we interact.
guilt, disgust...not too sure about....if it was one night stand maybe....but repeatedly...i doubt ther is guilt other than getting caught.
i know i am disgusted thinkg about what she may have done with OM...lol (EX-Friend so mental images are pretty detailed of him)
but funny thing WAW said to me is "this is never going to go away is it?" - my reply "nope, it is part of our lives now"
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
dday101, Im sorry you took offense to my post. I had come back here to add a smiley face to the end of it but this board has a timer on which you can edit posts.
But I so take the stance of once the marriage has been betrayed by an affair then that is where I draw the line. I know many here have moved beyond that point and I envy them and I do so hope to reach that level of understanding.
I would like to point to this "From the affairs, lying, harsh words, and selfishness." Affairs being plural. Yes I would probably say the same thing to my own wife if this was the case. But that is not anger or hostility, that is just a boundary that I would not let be crossed.
M:40 W:40 D: 21 S: 18 D: 17 Md: 18 years -1/19/2010 W wants out -6/03/10 "Live for today, for tomorrow is promised to no-one.."
Now I remember why I don't come to this area much, so much anger and hostility, although understandable, knowing what I know now, I wish you well and hope you find a way to release it other than injecting your own pain in others.