Please help with WAW

[sandi2]

LOL....well, you have a sense of humor. Sometimes you just have to journal and sooner or later somebody will come along and your thread will take off.

But, it does help if you post often and give details of what's going on.

[2blu]

Got a message from W yesterday. She is working locally the next couple of weeks and wants to meet for lunch to discuss taxes nd filing papers (D). I am truly busy right now with a second job, so I have a legitimate reason to put it off a few days.

How do I handle this? Do I just tell her to go ahead and file and get divorced? Anything else would be pursuing, right?

You see my dilemma. I came here a year ago to prevent getting divorced. Now, I don't want to divorce because of doing nothing the past several months.

[2blu]

Wow, no replies in almost a month.

I met W for dinner and we did some tax business. She told me that she is never coming back and we need to meet again to settle property. I told her the M can work and be stronger than ever, but we both have to want it and work for it. I asked her to wait until the second job is finished.

Now, I have just finished the contract on my second job. W called the other day to check on me after the bad weather. She wants to meet this week to settle things, presumably to file for divorce soon.

I need something now! Time is no longer on my side. Going dark has done all it can do at this point.

[ironMan]

2blu ... I don't know what to tell you.

I haven't read up on your sitch but didn't want you to be without a response.

Give us some updates .... what 1802 did you do? How often did W contact you during the separation?

Why does she feel you need to divorce? What have you done to be the man she wanted to begin with?

Your W has given up on the M a long time ago and the M is in the past to her.

BTW, the papers don't matter. Your old M is dead. You can choose to give up now or not. Its up to you and nobody else when you are done.

[Redo]

2blu if your wife wants a divorce, the harder you try to delay the inevitable, the worse it might get for you.

I am in the same boat now. Right now i have completely given up on stopping that train. What i can hope and do is better myself in every way so that i lead a decent life. If wife sees that and wants to come back into my life, my door is open. As all the pros here say, you have to improve yourself for 'you'. Not for your 'wife'. I know it is harder said than done. But try to be on that path and you will have less heartaches.

[sandi2]

Wow, no replies in almost a month.

That's what happens when you don't post. Look at what I said in my last post. I thought you had quit. People won't reply when you don't post often. When I say often, I mean at least every few days in the beginning. You've got to give us more.

[2blu]

Yeah, I do not post very often. I guess when there are long periods of NC, which I have been advised to implement, there is not much to say about the matter. Time goes by, she doesn't call me and I don't call her. I guess I don't see the point of posting "Another day, week, month has passed and she hasn't come back." I find the whole concept depressing and a bit whiney.

But, when I ask for it, I truly want some useful advice. Especially when time has nearly run out. A year hasn't made her miss me enough to come back.

I have seen her four times since she left 13 months ago, all for picking up things or discussing household business. We have communicated by email or phone maybe a little more than that. When she does see me, she is engaging and wants to know how work is, how relatives are, etc.

Again, I came here to bust my divorce. Not to learn to be single again or polish myself up for the next wife. Or to have someone pat my on the back everytime I do something for myself. I see the purpose of NC, but at this point NC is not working.

I know this post probably seems hostile and I know everyone is here to help or get help. But, I'm frustrated that I am exactly where I was a year ago, only with divorce much closer. Reading Divorce Remedy gave me hope. If I hadn't held on to that hope, I may have been ready to file myself at this point.

[MrBond]

How have your interactions been while you were dark with her?

[2blu]

MrBond, I don't really understand the question. There were no interactions while I was dark other than those mentioned in my last post. When we see each other to hand off tax documents or whatever, we typically meet at a restaurant, have a meal, chitchat about work and people we know. I'd say the vibe is friendly and pleasant, more so this spring than last.

[MrBond]

That's what I was asking about. Any interactions you were having with W. Is she happy? Is she straight to business? etc.

During the time you were dark, what have you been doing to improve your self-esteem and GAL? If you have been changing for the better, has she recognized any of that? Has she been seeing an OM during this time?

We need details details details