It does seem to get a little easier each day. I just wish so many things didn't remind me of him.
I'm sure another reason he is choosing the OW is because of the baby. He loves kids.
I tried to keep the door open but I think the OW keeps shutting it. He had said that she checks his phone and his email. So I think he can't be friends with me. Maybe someday. Maybe not.
But everywhere it is written that to end the affair they are supposed to have no contact at all with the affair partner.
Not in the case of someone in a MLC - it does not work trust me. I tried and it backfired.
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So what if having no contact with the spouse makes it easier for them to end it with us?
Ultimately you have no control over what he does. So just focus on you.
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I know for my own sanity and health that I just have to let go.
Once you do this you will feel better. As Lost said...detach..detach...detach... with the detach will come clarity.
Take care of yourself at this time.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I will say that by not having contact with him my life has been more peaceful and I've actually been sleeping better. Right before he moved in with her he was still coming over to my house and staying all night, etc...I really don't think he has it all figured out yet.
But enough with him today. Today is my last day of work for the week and I can't wait to go home. Long weekend! Yeah.
Ok so what do I do with the link to my first thread? I really have no idea what I am doing. Sorry..
Its not so much for you but if people are trying to read your sich this makes it easier to follow along. Try to stay on one thread for the future so it is less confusing.
I asked you if you read the resources and I will assume you don't know what those are. I will put them on your thread in a few mins.
I will say that by not having contact with him my life has been more peaceful and I've actually been sleeping better.
That is why everyone will tell you to detach. Detaching is for YOU. Glad to see that you are sleeping better.
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I really don't think he has it all figured out yet.
Probably not but remember this is HIS issue to deal with not yours.
Happy belated easter as well.
Feel free to friend me on the alt (FB).
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Now you have all the tools to read. Let us know how your doing and if you have any questions.
I suggest that you read the entire thread in the resources. You can also pick out some people and read their whole story.
Remember that in the stages of MLC it does NOT go 1,2,3,4,5,6 but can get all mixed up and repeat itself and have more than one stage at once. Depression is the key to the whole thing and it is always present!
I know we are supposed to distance and detach. But everywhere it is written that to end the affair they are supposed to have no contact at all with the affair partner. So what if having no contact with the spouse makes it easier for them to end it with us?
Think of it likes this...You have had this spring form pan around the kitchen for 20 years. You know that it makes great cheesecake, but you just don't use it that much. Then one day a door to door spring form pan salesmen comes along and offers you the best ever spring form pan for cooking cheesecake. You have to have that pan.....it consumes your thoughts and you buy it....yeah.
The old trusty spring form pan either is discarded or hidden deep in the recesses of your cabinets. So then you go to make cheesecake in your new awesome pan....it makes great cheesecake, but is oh so much harder to use than your old one.
So the next time you might think about using the old one? It was easier, but there is the new one...so we will try again. Same results. Hmmmm....that old pan is looking better everyday, but I did spend money on the new one?
So inevitability the neighbor has a need for a spring form pan and you loan her your old trusty pan....it is gone. Then you go to cook a cheesecake again...guess what....you are going to miss that old pan...the security of the right solution is no longer available to you. You are stuck with the pot smoking high maintenance new model. I bet at this point you would start reconsidering that purchase?
You are the old trusty pan......who has the power to remove yourself from the situation. Let the cook deal with their mess on their own....while you spend some time getting new hinges and maybe a manicure (I mean a new spring).
You made me laugh. Now I am an "old" trusty pan! LOL I get what you are saying though. I guess most people aren't happy with what they have until they no longer have it. Which is sad really because they might never get it back again and the cheesecake just wont be as good...
That is funny you used the spring form pan as an analogy. I make cheesecake a lot. Well I used to make them a lot. Trying to watch my weight now. Maybe I'll make one this weekend with my old trusty pan...
