I believe my husband has been going through a MLC since January 2009. Maybe before that because he had become emotionally distant for awhile. The OW started texting him in May of 2008. He started texting back in September of 2008. He has told me that we will never get back together, that he faked loving me for years and that he only likes me as a friend. I really find this hard to believe. We have also been intimate all this year and several different times he has told me he loves me. The OW became pregnant in September.
We have been separated since August. He broke up with the OW in November because she smoked pot while pregnant with his child and then he proceeded to hang out with me. I, like an idiot, got my hopes up and believed he was coming around. In mid-January he did a 180 and ran right back to her. This is the same man who told me he was happy that they had broken up because she was immature, he didn’t like her family and he knew they would not make it together. He came back around in February and we started to hang out again. We have to file for bankruptcy because neither one of us can afford the house on our own and the mortgage company is foreclosing.
The end of February we had an argument because he wanted to take the sink from our bathroom to the OW’s house since he planned on moving in with her at the end of April. (Baby is due May 9th) He decided to move in with OW within in 1 week. Which he has now moved in with her.
Saturday night I called because he told my son that he was going to cut the tree down at our old house which I do not want him to do. I may still buy the house back at Sheriff’s sale. Before I can say anything about the tree he starts in on me and asks me if I sent porn to his computer via email. I told him I didn’t and he says that the OW has also received porn sites in her email. I told him that I didn’t do it. But of course he didn’t believe me. (It was probably her trying to ally herself with him against me. She wont let him and I be friends. He says she checks his phone and his email account) He also asked me if I had my portion of the attorney fee or was just holding up the bankruptcy on purpose? He told me I had to let go of the house. I told him I had my share of the attorney fee but that I thought he should pay more because it is because of him that we have to do this. I also told him that we aren’t the only client’s this attorney has. He then told me that I should get help for my head because I am so messed up. I told him to get over himself and that I didn’t love him anymore (lie) and that I no longer wear his ring. (It was a posey ring and said in French “I will love no other but you”. It just doesn’t feel right to wear that anymore.)
Also his daughter has now invited my husband’s family to a baby shower for the OW with the OW’s family. (2nd live birth and 1 miscarriage. Her first child is a 6 year old boy. Pregnant 3 times and never married) Now my husband says he is still going to get a paternity test. I wonder if his daughter even knows that. She isn’t talking to me because – well I’m not sure why. She says I cheated with her dad on her mom (which I didn't)and that everyone would be better off without me in the world. (But that is another story) It is just so tacky to have a shower for this OW. It is like saying why here you go here is a present for breaking up a marriage and getting pregnant with a married man. (She quit taking birth control on purpose in May to get pregnant and my husband knew this but wasn’t thinking with the right head. He thought because of his age his sperm wouldn’t get her pregnant.) We are still married because I need his health insurance and his employer actually still pays for the premiums. (The OW is on government assistance for her health insurance.)
Why does MLC make them act so strange, stupid and hateful? He has gotten everything he wanted since he started his physical affair with her. We got back together 3 times and each time he never truly tried. But now that he is living with her he keeps saying “I have nothing to hide from her”. He also shows her any text messages or emails I had sent him. I have now since Saturday gone completely dark. I hope that I can do it. He was my best friend since 1982. This stupid OW wasn’t even born then…
I guess I am most afraid that he will not make it out of the MLC and be with her forever. I still love him but I am choosing not to be “in love” with him now. This is so hard. I wonder what stage he is in on his journey in the far country. I hope he ends it soon. I miss my friend.
He may have heard that I want to buy the house back at Sheriff's sale and that is why he is saying to "let go of the house". I'm not sure. He had said one night before he moved in with her that he would miss everything. (I took it to mean our life, our house and his garage. He loved his garage a lot)
Or maybe he took the bathroom sink like he had threatened to do. I will be checking the house tonite to see if the sink is still there.
Why does he try to hard with her and didn't even try with us the three times we got back together?
Cyn - hang in there. I stumbled upon your thread today and your comment about missing your best friend is something I've said a number of times myself - I miss my W terribly - the best woman and friend a man could ever have had. Hurts like hell - still feeling badly 6 months down the road - like its never going to end. There is no OM that I know about with my W, but she has acted like a teenager as your thread title indicates as well. Secrecy, no questions allowed, wants to date, wants to sell house, wants to move away w D11. I can't figure it out either -and my sitch continues to head down an uncertain road as well. I have no real words of wisdom or explanation - other than just continue to ride this out. It is hard - every day is a struggle for me - but I believe in the encouragement that I get here that says - stay the course and things will get better for you. Its about all the hope I have left - so know you are not the only one out there. My W wouldn't go to therapy, counseling, or talk about "us" at all - just announced she needs a Leg Sep from me and thats that - thats what devastated me too - how can someone not give 25 yrs together consideration and some level of attention, not even try. Keep your head up - I am as best I can.....
Me: 48 W: 47 M: 25 years T: 30 years S24, D21, D11 Bomb dropped: "Not in love with you" 10/09 Separated Feb 2010
I know we are supposed to distance and detach but I am afraid that he might never come back. To end the affair aren't the supposed to have no contact at all with the affair partner? So what if having no contact makes it easier for them to end it with us? I just have to let go. I know this but that doesn't make it any easier.
Officially seperated over a month - she dropped "I don't love you" bomb on me Sept/Oct. I moved out into an apartment when the seperation was signed in Feb. She put up a wall between us so the communications became a slow trickle, but even if just a text message, we communicate at least once a day about bills, money, kids, etc. I have backed off as much as I can and severely limit initiating contact - I have let her determine when she wants to communicate (part of my 180). We are cordial with each other - but I wouldn't say we talk like friends. Its hard to describe - friends to me would be a relationship where you are comfortable talking and comfortable in each others company. Right now its awkward as all hell - but I am trying real hard to get to a better place in that regard. Its me - I know - Wife will always say she is on page 34 and and I am on page 2 with all of this, so of course its harder for me to adjust.
Me: 48 W: 47 M: 25 years T: 30 years S24, D21, D11 Bomb dropped: "Not in love with you" 10/09 Separated Feb 2010
