Well, at 6:30 this morning, I walked into my house for the first time all weekend. I found out about the PA on Saturday night after retrieving my step children from their mom's house where they were saying goodbye to their mom before she moved "down south." DH had forgotten to get them so it was just me. He was out with OW. I panicked when seeing the PA confirmed and went into instant action mode. I told the children I had a friend with an emergency to take care of and I'd be back soon. I left, DH never came home. DSD had wanted to go to a friend's house but never made it as he wasn't there. I was at MIL's house. He never called the cell to see where I was, which hurt, and when I came home this morning to change for work, he never even looked at me.
I worry that the kids didn't call and wonder if he told them that we're getting D. He's already told his friends.
DH came up at break today (as he usually does) - seemed to be looking for something, looking to see what I was doing. He picked up some papers from my desk that were upside down and looked at them. Never done that before. Then he said he had some food, and I said OK, and started to turn my back to him. He said "well, I know you're busy" and started to leave. Then at lunch, he emailed me that he was going home to look for DSS's paperwork. He's still contacting me, and interested in what I'm doing. He changed his work email password, so I can't get on there anymore, but I did print out a few of them, and I can obtain his password easily enough if I felt it necessary. I already know what is going on, no need to look further.
My main issue now is that I want to get the exposure over before we go to Retro. To be honest, he is not supposed to be in an A, and maybe it will help us heal. Only 18 days left, and I won't be able to do the intervention until Thursday. I have a prayer group that will be fasting and praying for us on Thursday. I just need to expose before he does, I feel I need the upper hand on this one. MIL is willing to have it done at her house, and she's ready to say to him that if he doesn't end it, he will not be welcome at her house except to drop the children off in front of the house for a visit. I told her I did not want her to go that far, but the forcefulness with which she says that is excellent.
Still putting together my exposure plan. Stay tuned.
I think the more consequences the better. Your MIL has it spot on in my opinion.
Affairs are VERY HARD to BUST up from the outside. You CAN wait for them to fall apart ont heir OWN internally, but it takes a LOT LONGER.
Get the exposure over with now. Him being intersted in what you are doing is not necessarily a good sign either. He wants to know what YOU are doing so he knows if HE is covering his tracks well... he is "counterspying" to make sure he has the upper hand... it happens all the time
I woudl'nt wait fot the retro. I really don't see it as a huge marker one way or the other. Its just an event the two of you were booked to attend.. and he may chagne his mind by then anyways and you have wasted three weeks waiting only to have him not show up.
I just spoke to the children after school, as we always do. DSD is upset with her Dad because she knew that I was leaving for the weekend, but her Dad was missing from Sat afternoon until Sunday around 2PM. No calls, he won't tell her where he was other than to tell her some lame excuse that he fell and hit his ear and it was swollen and bloody. She wants to know where he was.
Should I email DH about this? Usually Mondays are the nights he goes to the empty apartment and stays with OW all night. However, tonight I have to work late and DSS has an extracurricular activity that he will have to drive him to and from, from 6-9. He'll probably go there afterwards. I guess if I'm being honest, I'm trying to find a way to keep him home tonight. I was thinking of emailing him that DSD is upset he was gone and wants to know where he was. And then just saying "they need you now, I trust you to do the right thing." Sounds controlling, and it is, but I wonder if letting him know his actions are having consequences if it will change him a bit.
Passenger my heart is breaking for you.I dont see your ages posted.Is it poss your H is going through a MLC?
I know there will be views on whether it exists but(I was cynical until my hubby changed beyond all recognition)my hubby was angry, distant, couldnt care less about R, even R with kids suffered. I see some real signs with your H behaviour especially the affairs may suggest he has some unresolved issues he has to deal with.
Timing is key do not make any decisions until you are thinking more clearly.Remember you have the power, your are the W, have the kids, home,history. Try and forget about the OW.She will only relish in your pain and misery which will give her power.
I have put a website at the top of the page which is run by rollercoaster rider and gives lots of info on mlc,A's and OW, and some advice on how you might approach sitch...meantime rest,try to sleep and eat and surround yourself with family, friends and forum members. We are all here..
Last edited by JacT; 03/29/1009:42 PM.
ME 44 H 45 D 14 D 20 M 22 YEARS TOGETHER 28YEARS Bomb Drop 14th July 09 Seperated-living with OW 10mths(14/07/09) MLC 3years
Silence wasn't golden in this marriage; it was deadly," Dr. Robin L. Smith
Thank you so much flowmom and luv - I especially appreciate the prayers. I will hold you both in mine tonight and every night as long as you need it.
Wish there were no rules against contact IRL, wouldn't it be so much easier when you're in shock to just call someone from DB forum and get instant advice. LOL. I know that's not practical, but having some buddies would be nice sometimes. Thank God my MIL/FIL are here for me, or I'd have no one to talk to.
I know.. I feel the same way. I wish I could jump and send a text or email or call someone for help.
We are here for you. You are not alone. I will pray for you passenger!
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
Thank you so much for posting on my thread! I really appreciate it. I just read your sitch, bless your heart! My prayers are with you.
This is a place that I went, it was too late for me when I found this site b/c my divorce was already in action & almost done by the time I found this. At the time also, he was so angry b/c I wasn't going along with what he wanted that he would not have listened anyway. But, this place has some good advice, also a place to go for help. Check it out.
If I would have found it at the beginning of the bomb, it might have worked. But, again I don't know. I don't know your age, but someone mentioned above about mlc, I know all about it b/c my ex is in it!!!
