So he is ready to get the whole thing started with the divorce process. He has told his whole family, friends everyone that we are going too. He has asked for money from his good friend so that we can fix our roof so we can put it on the market to sell. He has asked his mom to loan him money for mediation. They both said yes they would and I really don’t think he is going to change his stance. I have changed for me and he has noticed without saying it I know because I don’t bring that up bad thing to do I know I have learned from my past Anyways has anyone had this happen and things turned out for the better, as in you didn’t end up getting divorced?
I just don’t see him changing his mind, I know I know I shouldn’t worry about what he thinks or feels but come on everyone does at points it is only human nature. I am just curious to see if anyone has gotten as far in as we have and things turned around. I honestly think even if he did he is too stubborn to admit it and tell his family he has changed his mind.
So he has told all his friends, family etc. Saturday there was a get together for friends and family at one of what use to be my best friends house, just so happens it is my H cousin too. And they have pushed me out of their lives which I am very sad about. They have a bad impression of me from what he has told them. Then he takes our boys there to play with the other kids and everyone there sees him without me and it just shows to them how serious he is about the divorce with me. This makes me sad and I don't know if we will ever end up getting back together. What should I do?
So I tell him today that I think this is a great idea about seperating and that it is the best thing for us to do. He didn't say a word, and then later he was acting very nice to me. I also met with a lawyer who believes I could get alimony based on my case, and I think around $1300 a month but that would only leave my H with around $1800 to live on, do you think that is fair? I mean I have to move in with MY PARENTS with 2 boys ages 8 and 4 and he will get to live in an apartment alone...doesn't seem fair to me anyways.
I don’t understand my H. We have been talking about getting divorced and planning it out for weeks, and then the last few days have been good, I mean we haven’t fought etc… So today he sends me an email saying that he feels I am being emotional cold towards him, but if he wants a divorce why would it matter if I was, which I will say I am not cold. On Sat. he came into our bed, I have been sleeping there and he sleeps on the couch, he came in and started cuddling next to me and so I did back and we just layed with eachother for awhile. He texts me later that day saying he really enjoyed that time. I don’t know what to do…seems like acting as if I don’t care pushes him away. He has told me before that he is a guy who needs lots of affection and I haven’t given him that over the years, so I am thinking maybe if I start showing him more little by little that would work better then going dark and acting like I don’t care about our marriage working or not. Anyone have any opinions on this?
So here I am awhile since I have posted but am confused. I am been doing super good with my GALing and no crying, begging etc. Then yesterday my H was acting and saying things that were as if he wanted this to work but then last night he was talking about getting an apartment. Then today I didn't contact him all day long and he gets home and is mad...I ask why and he says...well you didn't even talk to me all day long? What the heck I don't get it at all, why would he want me to contact him? I did respond by the way that I thought we were spacing us out as far as getting use to how it will be when we aren't living together or married.
So here I am awhile since I have posted but am confused. I am been doing super good with my GALing and no crying, begging etc. Then yesterday my H was acting and saying things that were as if he wanted this to work but then last night he was talking about getting an apartment. Then today I didn't contact him all day long and he gets home and is mad...I ask why and he says...well you didn't even talk to me all day long? What the heck I don't get it at all, why would he want me to contact him? I did respond by the way that I thought we were spacing us out as far as getting use to how it will be when we aren't living together or married.
That's where you went wrong, Katie. DON'T ASK WHY. It's called "temperature-checking," and it's a big DB no-no.
It's not your job to rescue him from his moods, which are caused by his own poor decisions.
Thank you so much for your reply I didn't even realize that I was doing that. But why do you think he did that after what he said the day before? And also yesterday he came home and I was just walking out the door and he said "whats the matter do I smell that you are leaving and don't want to be around me." Yet he says he wants a divorce but says and also follows me around the house at times.
My guess he's trying to "normalize" things. Pretty typical. It's a combination of guilt, and also genuine caring for you that he wants to know that you're okay with all of this. The whole trick to dealing with wayward spouses is to let them know that you still love them, but that you're NOT okay with what they are doing.
