It has been awhile since I have been here. When I did get on here I spent most of the time reading other threads. They were very encouraging. Unfortunately, I could not save my M. It's actually coming up on three years since the D. I spent the better part of that three years recreating, redefining and redirecting. It wasn't easy. And until the couple months I have felt okay and accepting of most things. I guess I really needed to vent. One thing I did not do was create a support group. Big mistake. I have fallen victim to the feeling of going through the D all over again. Here are just a few of the reasons, I'll not make it to long as to bore the reader.
Before and during the first year of the D I had a nice job making 72k a year, all of the support alimony was based on that number. That was fine, I agreed to continue paying certain things such as her truck payment. Thankfully, the lease was almost up on my car so I could dump that payment. Everything was okay. After the market crashed in my industry I lost that job. Thankfully I got another job making 50k. Not to bad. Instead of going to the court and getting everything reduced. I moved to the city where rent is cheaper and closer to work. I spent my savings and gave up doing other things to continue paying the same amount. The one thing I talked to her about was the truck payment. Well by this time she was dating someone and he decided to buy her a new truck. So what happens. She let's it get repossessed. My credit was excellent up to that point. (She broke up with him and let that truck get repossessed too, now she's with a new guy. Guess what he bought her) I have to stop to take a major laughing break.
Well the market got worse. I lost that job too. This time I couldn't find anything in my field at all. Not even for less money. I even thought about moving. I just can't leave my kids. So instead I started working two jobs 16 hrs a day and work Saturday nights at the bar. Fifty bucks is fifty bucks. Anyway, I'm getting to my point. I finally talked to her and made a plan. I tried to get her to let me sign a note for the alimony and defer the payments for awhile. The answer was no. So after lagging on the full payments. I went to court to get the payments reduced. I had no choice. What does she do. Hires a lawyer who somehow convinces the court that I am working low paying jobs to avoid payment. That I have a skilled trade and expertise that I am not doing on purpose to get back at my x and make the children suffer. I was floored. I was so angry I could have easily destroyed that court room. Went to jail and would have felt justified in what I did. I pleaded with the court showed proof and just cause. I even explained to them about the note and deferring the payments. It's not like I was trying to get out of ever paying. My motion was denied. As a result they have suspended my license. I ride a bike to my third shift job and the bus to my day job. I was served a subpoena today telling me I was in contempt of court. I don't know what reason she's going to give my kids of why I am in jail. Last week I received an eviction notice. I have til the end of the month to be out. Great that's my birthday. Somehow I am still laughing and still smiling. Not even one soul can even tell that anything is even wrong. I never would have imagined when I got married 16 years ago that this would be my life 16 years later. It's obvious she feels no guilt. After all it's my problem right. Of course I haven't told her I'm being evicted. Of course it would make me out to be even a bigger loser. I don't get it. I really don't. Somehow I know I will get through it. I just wish I didn't have the same feeling of helplessness like I did three years ago. She doesn't work by the way or has she ever. But I was a terrible husband because that's all I did was work. I thought that's what I was supposed to do. I never heard complain about not having any money. Of course until now. Well sorry if this was really long and boring. It kind of help me. Thanks.
One would have to ask the question.... where was your lawyer. I have a feeling I know the answer. You've got to get one, somehow. If what you have written is even halfway accurate, you have to have legal representation.
I didn't expect there to be any lawyers involved. It didn't cross my mind. I had the proof I needed to get it reduced. I was shocked when this jackass walked into court. She wasn't even there. She probably had a nail appointment that day or something. I did however go to legal aid the next day. They couldn't help me. I made to much money they said. All I could do was laugh at them. I said well I don't have enough to pay my full support payment. So....how the hell do I make to much money to get legal aid. She just shrugged her shoulders and said sorry. I don't make the rules.
You're right one would expect that I would have been smarter. I was trying not to spend money I didn't have. I printed a form off of the County website to use for this purpose. I figured it would be an easy process considering the facts. I was really, really wrong.
Has it dawned on her that having you jailed for contempt of court will prevent you from earning any money?! She is definitely one of the crazys! So what is your next move?
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
Contact another attorney. Even if you make to much for legal aid, many law firms have sliding scale fees.
Ask an attorney abouthaving her pay your legal fees since she is the one fighting it (it is pretty standard) that way when you go back to court, she will be stuck paying your attorney's fees.
call and explain everything to an attorney bring your documentation
you need legal help because this will affect your future ability to get a job
