About Ready To Throw In The Towel

[Puppy Dog Tails]

[acsnow]

Before you get to excited, no my wife and I are not getting back together. We are still getting divorce. I wish I could say this divorce was busted. I have not seen her in 7 weeks (D18 graduation) and I have no contact with her except about the divorce. Last year at this time I would of never imagined that I would be getting divorced. W still has a lot of issues to resolve. I believe she feels this divorce is her next step in her journey to finding happiness.

We have come to an agreement. I am getting the house back. I will have to give her a chunk of money. It is about a 65/35 split to my advantage. I will be moving back in the house by Nov 1st. She has 90 days to find a place .For the most part I did come out on the better end of the deal financially. I did not spend much on legal fees either and I had a great lawyer.

When this crazy [censored] all started 4.5 years ago I can remember thinking how am I ever going to go on living. The most important person in my life is emotionally gone. I would think of ways of hurting myself but would realize who am I really going to hurt?

Fast forward to this past year:

After reading stacks of books, IC for a year, reading sitches on this forum, not sleeping, crying ,connecting with friends and family, started going to church and GAL ,the only person that can make me happy is ME. Happiness has to come from within. I can remember listening to this personal growth CD and the instructor was saying make a list of the people in your life that you would want to have relationship with and in what order. He then said look at your list and look who is at the top. Your own name should be at the top of the list. That’s when it hit home that I am responsible for my own happiness.

I also realize that I can’t change my stbxw. I do wish that we could of saved our marriage but in order to save our relationship I must let her go and set her free . I do believe that stbxw will someday regret what she gave up, by then it will probably be too late for any reconciliation.

I don’t post on here much but I do read just about every day and I just want to say thank you to each and every one of you. To all the newbies that think there life has ended and there is nothing to live for. Take this time in your life as a chance to renew yourself. I will get better. I never thought I would ever get through this. After 4.5 years I am starting to come out the other side. I can almost touch the light at the end of the tunnel. This is not about you it is about them. My 20 D said to me that made a lot of sense. She said “ dad maybe she just doesn’t want to bring you down with her”.

[Chuck66]

Excellent attitude! It IS just a piece of paper.

On soapbox:
I still like it when the LBS files and takes the sting out of getting the papers served to you. It also takes away their control that THEY decided a D for your R. It shows backbone the LBS files and gives notice that you are no longer a doormat and is the start to gaining back self respect.
Off soapbox.

Plus you can pull the papers whenever you want. You can't do anything but either contest or go with the D when the WAS files. You are just on a new roller coaster called the legal system.

In any event, the post above shows a quick turnaround from how you felt earlier and we are glad to see you looking stronger. Follow the DB, 180, GAL as best you can. Tailor them to fit you and come up with things that are not on the list. Immerse yourself into them and stop thinking/reacting to/about the W.

Continue to be strong!

[acsnow]

A couple of funny things happened. The other nite I went to a local pub to have a drink and I ran into my stbxw cousen. This cousen is an alchoholic. He said to me " what were you thinking when you married into this family. The whole family is [censored] up". I just thought that comment was pretty comical. The other thing that happened was that my stbxw txt me asking me what my new phone # was and wanted to know if she could give it to the life insurance guy. I felt like saying obviously you know my # if you just txt me. I only replied that yes it was ok to give insurance guy my #. I just thought it was funny.