Attempt at piecing????

[ForPeanut]

It has been a while since I was here. I have referred tons of people here that are sadly going through their own R issues since it is this site that helped me truly survive and come out on top during my D. I am counting on my old DB friends here to get me through yet another mess that has crept into my life...

You can certainly find my old posts if you want the whole saga but I will try to summarize...
Was with my XH since I was 17, for 8 years, 2 of those married. Had the beginnings of the American dream, but also fertility problems and money issues. Got preg after 2 years of trying and then he left when I was at 3 mos. for an OW. They lived together and she was quite a piece of work, wanting to be a part of everything in my D3's life and my XH seemeed to go along with anything she wanted. I GAL and returned to school, got a good job, moved out of my parents house, and was basically ready to face the world.

Enter...complication. 3 mos. ago, XH and OW broke up and he moved in with his parents. Started being nice to me at drop off and pick up and actually replied to calls and texts as needed for our D3. Was very hopeful for him to get his life on track but had no expectations for 'us'. I really thought he was a lost cause as far as any kind of relationship was concerned...We had chatted a few times once he got off OW's cell plan but nothing too major other than enjoying talking as friends. This past weekend, he texted and seemed like he wanted to chat. (I always try to end convo via text with one or two replies, he continued making convo)We talked about almost everything that night. He admitted that he has loved me all along (3 1/2 years of separation/divorce) and that he was not allowed to talk to me b/c of OW. He wanted to be friends and possibly more. Lots of talking about how great I am and how I should hate him and how he doesn't deserve me to still like him. I told him that I forgave him long ago for what he did and that I hope we can be friends. He made indications that he really wanted to be more. He even asked if I thought we could ever try again. We were up until almost 5am talking that night and I was in absolute disbelief that I might just have a chance of having my H back.

The next day (Fri.) I dropped off D3 at his house and it was a little awkward. He had told me he prob wouldn't be able to look at me and I really wasn't too offended. I asked via text if he regretted talking about anything and he said he didn't and was glad we could. He liked talking to me. Saturday we chatted a bit but nothing major. Sunday I picked up D3 and we hung out for an hour and a half (usually pick up is a 10 minute deal) but no chatting b/c of D3 and XMIL was there. Since then, very little chatting on Sunday night, nothing Monday and tonight I texted to see how his day was and he barely replied. Back to one word answers...

Any insight would be greatly appreciated!

[Cadet]

Not wanting to dump rain on your parade, but it sounds like he is in OW withdrawl. So now you are the OW. If I were to guess he is not done with his crisis yet. You have come closer to him and he has retreated. Be very careful!

Proceed with utmost caution. You do not want to set yourself up for another fall.

[addie]

Ditto Old Pilot's post and Proceed with utmost caution!!!

Do you know for sure there has been NC with OW since they broke up? If there has been, the timeline for withdrawal goes back to the beginning.
Is your XH involved in IC? If not, this is a major red flag. He needs to deal with the issues that led him to leave your M and D you for OW. If these issues are not dealt with, they will resurface in no time.

[MrBond]

Same here. It sounds more like he's on the rebound.

Look for CONSISTENT positive changes. If his feelings and interactions with you continue on this positive note after a couple of weeks, then start believing them albeit carefully.

If you are still interested in him, slowly see what you can do to fan the flames of want in him for you.

I think we do need a timeline to get a better idea of what's going on.

[ForPeanut]

Unfortunately, I think you are all right...Thanks for taking on my case...

Just be assured...Yes, I was very excited at the thought of maybe trying to build something again but I have also kept the walls up around myself enough to not be hurt yet. (seriously anyway)

However, that being said, I am curious what to do next...If he was willing to come to me as a possible rebound, is there any chance that we could work it out? I texted him last night and he was pretty vague so I dropped the convo pretty quick. He is definitely having some kind of second thoughts or crisis.

As for a timeline, I will try to fill you in as best as I can. I have some pieces of the picture as far as their breakup goes. In January, he texted me to let me know that he would need to switch weekends with our D3 so that he could move. I asked if he was ok and he just said that he was moving in with his parents. A week later he told me that he moved there because OW didn't want to be in a relationship anymore. I heard from her on facebook and she wanted to tell my daughter hello...very strange since we NEVER talk. I asked XH if it was ok if I responded to her (wasn't sure what the circumstances were) and he said that would be fine (I didn't actually tell D3 anything of course) and that he and OW are no longer talking and that it was ok if I told D3 that she wouldn't be seeing OW anymore. As far as D3 has told me, OW has not been around D3 at all since then. XH and I have been texting and talking more now that he is not on a cell plan with OW. He visited our house once (very briefly but hasn't been to our house in 3 years until now) and we have been spending some time together at drop off and pick up (about 45 mins) playing with D3 together. In talking with XH, he said that OW has been persuing him via phone etc. but that it was finally over last Wed. I realize that he is definitely rebounding but like I said, how do I get it from rebound to possible rebuild????

I do not want to mess this up!

[ForPeanut]

I feel like I got plunked into a lifeboat with XH this weekend and turned around too fast and he fell out...

[Wholeagain]

He admitted that he has loved me all along (3 1/2 years of separation/divorce) and that he was not allowed to talk to me b/c of OW.

Poor boy.

I might be giving awful advice but I'd say keep behaving around him the same as before his breakup with OW. And watch.

[addie]

A week later he told me that he moved there because OW didn't want to be in a relationship anymore.

In talking with XH, he said that OW has been persuing him via phone etc. but that it was finally over last Wed.

These are some things that jumped out at me when I was reading your post. The first one indicates that it was OW and not XH that no longer wanted to be in the R. The withdrawal process seems to be much more difficult when it isn't WAS that comes to the realization that they should leave that R. The second quote indicates that there is still contact with OW. This means the withdrawal process hasn't really begun yet. Every time they make contact, it starts from scratch.
XH is definitely rebounding and testing the waters with you. Be very careful not to jump into this with both feet.

[JAK58]

I ditto Addie on this. Sounds confusing.
I would however continue on with your life has you have been and if he really is coming out of the fog he will start coming to you. That means him texting you first.

JAK