We did a total of 2.5 counseling sessions before she reached a decision that she does not want to be married and the separation. I continued one on one with a professional therapist. Have not been in awhile.
Not talking about MC. I'm talking about communications counseling. You both need to somehow deal with resentments and get to talk to each other for the sake of the kids.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
L suggested requesting spousal maint due to the great disparities in our incomes. I am in re-building phase of my career after losing business (part of what lead to M problems). L suggested re-habilitative maint, which would make it temp while I re-built career/business. L did advise, however, since we are also filing plea for reconcilliation, the Spousal Maint req may anger her enough to impede an possible R process. L did say that it is easier to take Maint request out after filing than it is to try and add it later.
Fighting the soft side that wants R and the hard side that needs to stand firm and protect myself and the kids.
I'm learning that, C-Bart. I also feel that since part of the reason for our sitch is the lack of security she felt in my ability to provide for the family after my business hit its downturn. Putting myself in a position of "need" for spousal equity may re-enforce those feelings and be a set back toward any type of R. That's why I would be asking the L to make it rehabilitative ... temporary while I re-build my career. Her income was supposed to have brought us through this rough patch until I was back in position to provide fully again, allowing her the option of staying at home with kids again and /or work a more flexible schedule.
Thanks, C-Bart. But any thoughts on what is best to do? My thoughts are to put it out there ... it can always be taken away or used as negotiating tool. The legal side stinks, but, unfortunately, needs to be approached wisely--especially when kids are involved. State will allow for a certain amount in child care ... but ultimately, it's up to us to determine what it is going to take to bring up our children. Unfortunately, the divorce process makes the marital covenant a legal, contractual issue determined by the State courts.
I'm trying to protect my children. I could care less about my lifestyle.
First major function today where myself and W will both be attending. Surprise birthday party for a mutual friend. Still very painful to see her ... especially yucking it up with our friends. How to play it? Dark ... distant? Fake smiles?
Response papers have been filed. Not sure if she has gotten them. I have been expecting an angry reaction.
