An update. We separated in early February. She has just filed. I have not received the papers yet; she wants to meet me at a notary instead of having me served. I have been dragging my feet. I don't even want to see the papers. I did let her know that I would meet her ... I know I have no choice but to face it.
What can I expect from here? I still want to save this marriage if it can be done ... but now that it's gone this far, I seem to be out of DB moves ...
Hi CHH, You should check the divorce law in your state. Where I'm from if you are separated for one year, your spouse can get a divorce without your consent. Before that both parties have to agree to a divorce. You could tell her that you want to do a legal separation first, that you are not ready for a divorce yet. That would buy you time, lots of things could change in a year. Again educate yourself on your state's divorce law first and keep DB'g.
Wish you the best
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
If she does not agree to a legal separation, can I counter with this suggestion via a lawyer? I know it's subject to the state, but I'm wondering if this is an option that would likely be considered by a judge. My understanding in my state, it's very family-friendly ... non-dower state. Joint physical custody is pretty much the default unless there's extenuating circumstances.
We've been separated 2 months. She filed 3/5, and I have not received the papers yet.
Hi, Do you have a lawyer? If you do, ask for advice. Some lawyers will give you 1/2 hour free (or a small fee) first consultation. Tell your lawyer that you don't want a divorce and they will advise you what your options are in your state. Buy time, postpone the divorce for as long as possible if you can.
BTW is there another man? It sure sounds like it if she is in such a hurry to file for a divorce.
Do you have kids, joint assets...? If you do I would not just go to a notary and sign whatever your wife puts in front of you. Get legal advice!!!!
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Hi CHH, Mila is giving you sound advice. Go to a lawyer and find out what your options are from a legal standpoint. Do NOT sign anything without first getting some legal council.
C MY XH filed 5/08--D was final 3/09 I had already saw a good L for advice just in case once they file, everything starts--IN this state, there is NO way to stop the D unless maybe you contest it--not sure about that I would NOT SIGN anything at a notary--I would tell W You will carefully read the papers and get L advice and get back to her Ususally the MLCer wants this part over QUick and as least expensive as possible b/c many of us dont want the D , we may initaiaaly want to agree to things that would NOT be good for us dent agree to anything yes the MLCer will get upset -throw a tantrum -tell us thats why their leaving ect I still suggest to stand your ground here D is Not easy b/c of this usually once they file, unless they put a stop to it ,,they are serious..so remember just take care of you financially some eventually still come back..many will not also, I hgad my L put ion the papers as well as verbally tell H L Wife does not want D I asked H to do counseling thru L Initally he agreed and signed that in papers-- then balked the bottom line is the papers dont really hold true after D MY H did not keep any of the agreement s he signerd from childcare to money so again, try to think of your self here
and get good legal advice peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Wow. Good advice. She wanted me to meet her at notary, saying I wasn't agreeing to anything just that she did not want to have me served because it would be 'insensitive'. Didn't know of potential legal ramifications of getting papers notarized. Thank you. Will update soon.
No papers received yet. But I am working on getting settled into an apartment that can accommodate me and my children during my time with them. Right now I'm just renting a room and picking the kids up on the weekends. I need to move closer to them and their school so I am able to drop them off and pick them up when it's my time with them.
We have no assets ... only debt. I need to approach her to start discussing how we're going to split the debt so that I can budget right for my place ... is it best to approach her now and start the conversation, or wait until I'm served?
Why did YOU move out of your marital home? She is the one that wanted out, she should have moved out, not you. You moving out may impact you access to your children. If she decides to get nasty in divorce proceedings she could claim that you abandoned them. Did you talk to a lawyer yet? You may not have assets but you have children. I would recommend that you do that ASAP.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
CH - Please seek legal council. Just because you go doesn't mean that you agree to getting a D. A lot of attorneys offer a free consultation. You can go to be advised of your rights and how D works in your state. You can tell the lawyer that you do not want to file. A lawyer can also advise you whether you can delay a D if your W decides to file. You do not have to tell your W you went to see one.
MLCer's are notorious for spending money and running up debt. If you don't want to be responsible for any more than you already have I suggest you get the financial sitch figured out. If you are on joint CC get them separated and into individual accounts.
This will be a long haul. Protect yourself and your children.
