So, after reading posts and picking up DR and starting my way through that, I'm beginning to think I've made a biiiig mistake.
I left. We've been married for 12 yrs and Hb suffers from chronic depression. Takes meds, and continues to work on his issues but it's a constant roller coaster. Some days are good, some days his isolating and black moods will take over.
As was pointed out in DR in the section on spouses with depression, Hb was convinced that his unhappiness was due to the marriage, although he has a hard time remembering that he's always been unhappy on some level, even pre-me.
He's always told me he loves me; always told me that he can't imagine his world without me. Our sex life is non-existant - a paradox as it were b/c it is directly related to his depression and the meds he's taking but also impacts his misery in the marriage.
After the back and forth, back and forth, is he in or out, in or out, I'd finally had enough and left. I'm now realizing that I really messed up. I made it all about me and took it way too personally. I didn't give him the space he needed and wasn't nearly patient enough.
So, I feel like the ball's in my court as I was the one who left, but would contacting him and telling him I want to come home be "chasing" him at this point? Would I not be giving him the space/time he's so desperately been asking for? Do I wait for him to contact me and THEN tell him what a total jack-nut I am? I'm so confused!!!!
You left him right? So the ball is in your court. The not pursuing usually applies to the left behind spouse. In your situation I'd arrange to meet with your H for dinner or something and then I'd tell him exactly what you wrote above.
I would be very careful. Do you know how he feels re: your leaving. Have you spoken to him since. If you catch him off guard he may not welcome you with open arms. I think you need to proceed with caution. I know most on here would love it if their WAS came back but perhaps starting back slowly would be a better option.
