You don't need the whole story, but this woman is 39, married 17 yrs, somethings she said, lead me to believe she was getting ready and already is moving into MLC.
So I struck up a conversation with her, this is her email! to me alittle bit ago
Snodderly/HB/SOMEBODY:
- This is scary because you have read my mind and know me like the back of your hand. I know I am depressed. I have been on paxil and wellbutrin and bp meds and last month or so I did think of a way to kill myself - then again, I thought of the kids. It's not fair for them to lose their mom cuz I am selfish.
George was a friend of my boss' and we talked about him committing suicide. People at work were like "is there anything that bad?" They don't understand - when you are depressed like me, it is possible. I crawled up in the fetal position and slept from 6pm to morning.
I am either shoving food in my mouth or not eating at all. I did go back to the dr and he increased my wellbutrin. That is just covering up my problem. He made me an appt with a counselor but I cancelled it. I don't want people to think I am "crazy" I am afraid to tell anyone my secrets because I don't trust them. It is a small world.
You are giving me insight - its not all my fault. How do I get thru it?? Your wife got divorced. How is she today? Is she feeling better, re-married, still depressed??
You would be what happens to my husband and it sounds very painful. Again I don't want to hurt him so I don't say anything, I just live in silent misery so that everyone else is happy.
Here's the one from her previously...Thanks - your e-mail made sense. I don't need "marriage counseling" but maybe just someone to talk to about me. So there are others out there like me? I almost want to talk to a lady like that to get her advice, I guess we would both be lost. Thing is, you would be like my husband - getting hurt and divorced for no reason of your own, you did nothing wrong and its not fair to hurt you for our selfishness. Tell me how you felt cuz I am guessing if we did divorce he would feel that way, what do I expect him to do??
She had a craigslist ad, I noticed the age 39 and she was looking for a friend, I have never been on craigslist my entire flipping life, but there was something about her post.
GUYS I WAS MESSING AROUND LOOKING FOR A MOTORCYCLE AND SAID AH WHAT THE HECK LOOK IN THE PERSONALS SEE WHAT'S OUT THERE.
And then she responded to my email, and she said "jammies" instead of pj's,said she had yrs of resentment building up, that her kids were older and she missed out on things, that she resented her husband for making her marry,etc.THE BIGGEST THING IS SHE SAID SHE WANTED TO BE ALONE,but again she placed an ad, so you figure it out, I did and I'm wanting to learn as much as I can and if I could someway help someone's marriage, when I couldn't save mine and with you all here of done for me, I saw an opportunity to reach out.SHE ALSO USED THE WORD PRESSURE.
Wow - I guess I do act "younger" than I am. I don't want to be old, or look old. I know divorcing wont SOLVE my problems and the grass isnt always greener on the other side, I guess I just want to peek and see if I like it, then if not, come back. Wow that is selfish!!
--- On Fri, 3/19/10, wrote:
From: <aykme Subject: Fw: Life To: Date: Friday, March 19, 2010, 1:30 AM
See the divorce wouldn't settle anything, you would still be depressed and trying to find yourself.
And when you cycle thru the stages, then the Regret or you just keep running.
He'd be heartbroken as hell and if you've been together this long, he can sense something is wrong.
I did in December of '08, I mean she got distant, testy as hell, then really happy, then she started pointing out all my faults, started spending even more time with the damn neighbor, took the family to Disney first wk of June and on that trip she made comments and man I couldn't stop it, I tried to, I tried.June 14th I came home from work my wife told me she was numb and had no feeling.
A week later she thought she loved me.
A week after that all hell broke loose and there was absolutely nothing that neither her or I could do.
If you think you and your husband have always been incompatible and you want to give up, just know it's not really YOU, it's the depression and past issues that you haven't addressed, a child issue you didn't put to rest is coming out.
I will NEVER go to my parents. I think they are the reason for this, my mom anyway. I told you I did something I know is wrong - I know I have a lower self - esteem and its hard for me to see any positive in myself but someone took interest in me, I was excited for that cuz it felt good and well now you can guess what happened. I could never talk to friends, they know my husband and all think he is great.
--- On Fri, 3/19/10, <aykme> wrote:
From: <aykme> Subject: Re: Fw: Life To: yahoo.com> Date: Friday, March 19, 2010, 2:07 AM
T
It's the depression, depression makes you selfish, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!
You said just about the same things my wife did.
I wanted to be sure and the moment you said pressure, I was.
I needed to turn you off of me in any romantic way or interested way I could.
Now there's still free will, but if you'll look at those emails, I said there is a reason.
The other night was the first time I was ever, EVER on craigslist, I was looking for a motorcycle and you're post caught my attention.
I wanted to look into your eyes and tell you, it will be ok, that's why I kept emailing you and told you not to talk to friends or relatives.
They will scew things, you go to your parents, well blood's thicker than water, they'll support you unconditionally.
You go to your friends, they're either going to support you or like some of my wifes friends have said, "she's crazy."
No antidepressants she had talked about it, but the crisis hit too damn fast.
I'll help you find a whole bunch of people to help you out. Check with your insurance on those psychiatrists. I also am waiting on a response from my support group that are depression/crisis specialists.
I'll email you what they suggest to.
I am on a forum with hundreds of spouses on my end of things, THAT KNOW A HELL OF A LOT ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH.
You could actually help people like me further understand and we being the left behind spouses can help you.
You have my number too.
Tracy we're not strangers anymore, but like I said, I've learned in the last 8 months trust a stranger over a relative or friend, relatives or friends have alterior motives.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: < To: <aykme51@yahoo.com> Sent: Thu, March 18, 2010 8:27:30 PM Subject: Re: Life
No its good. But you dont know what it means for you to want to help me. No one has ever done that for me, and for a stranger to do that, is amazing. Was your wife on anti depressants? I have a book called undoing depression, didnt help. I dont know how I got here so I dont know how to undo it. Then I have a book on boundaries and it is ok but I loose interest quickly - never did like to read
I know you did and it's still ok. It's still ok, emailed you, i'm not a judge. The problem isn't that you liked it. The problem is the other. Unconditional love by a spouse is unconditional love for a spouse.
it happens, the key is to find out why it happened so you can be at peace.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: @yahoo.com> To: yahoo.com> Sent: Thu, March 18, 2010 9:20:01 PM Subject: Re: Life
I have not told anyone - I didn't even TELL you, I am letting you figure it out. Problem is I liked it
What's your plans for tomorrow night. I'll be off work around 8, I'm waiting for responses on suggestions to give you. I should have some more advice or a course of action for you tomorrow.
Check with your insurance on those psychiatrists.
Now listen you can tell a counselor just about anything.
The only time they will seek outside help and you'll sign a paper first that they'll disclose is if your suicidal.
T really it's ok.
There could be a HUGE BETTER GOOD THAT COMES OUT OF THIS.
Give yourself a hug and start focusing on you alittle more.
T happiness comes within, NOT WITHOUT.
And T you can tell me anything, just please keep being honest.
What's your plans for tomorrow night. I'll be off work around 8, I'm waiting for responses on suggestions to give you. I should have some more advice or a course of action for you tomorrow.
Check with your insurance on those psychiatrists.
Now listen you can tell a counselor just about anything.
The only time they will seek outside help and you'll sign a paper first that they'll disclose is if your suicidal.
Traci really it's ok.
There could be a HUGE BETTER GOOD THAT COMES OUT OF THIS.
Give yourself a hug and start focusing on you alittle more.
T happiness comes within, NOT WITHOUT.
And T you can tell me anything, just please keep being honest.
Don't be too overly concerned if I call in the cavalry, theirs a lot of good people on the forum I post to and they help me a lot.
