Another question. Would it be too vindictive to send her a txt during this romantic weekend away she has with OM asking her when she intends to pay up the £1k she owes me? It would please me if it shatters their little sordid mood for a few moments at least.
It would break my super dark efforts though. And would it be needy?
I was thinking something like
"I was wondering when you intended to repay your debt for work done on xxxxx Cres. It has now been over 2 months."
My other option is still to ask her father, which will then undoubtedly get me labelled again as using him, being manipulative and the lowest of the low.
Help!
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
who would you really be hurting by sending that text this weekend? if she's on a romantic getaway with her OM, i hardly think a text message is going to damper the mood for her. most likely she wouldn't give it a second thought.
are there other legal matters you need to discuss with her? why not send her a letter or email and let her know there are a few financial matters you need to discuss with her and ask her when she is available for that, but set a time line. say, can we meet or talk in the next week to go over these things? you don't need to involve her dad, she's a grown up and can handle her own financial situation, right?
acting out of vengance will only push her even further from you, and she will pick up on your motive if you text her that this weekend.
Me30 H29 M2.5 T5 H moved out 1/23/2010 H wants signed agreement 3/30/2010 ...feeling hopeless
I agree with TTA. Do not initiate any contact with your W. I, like you, has been cheated on by my W with one of my best gym mates, him and his family even came on holiday with us two years ago. I suspected it was him when he stopped coming to the gym and stopped calling me as well.
I have two children and this has been going on for sixteen months. Over those months I received fantastic advice which I didn't always follow, though when I read my posts from then now, they make so much sense.
We are in a daze ourselves, cannot make a decision without a second opinion, rollercoaster days, wondering what your W is doing (all the worst things) usually.
For what is is worth I have gone totally dark on my stbxw. I do not answer any of her texts, which is the only way she contcts me, unless it is through solicitors. She initiates texts to be confrontational and I ignore them, simple, no reason to get involved in a wasteless excercise.
As Kimmie has said to you I am sure it angers her. The thing I am still learning is to totally detach. Puppy Dog Tails told me I am still enmeshed in her. I agree, as some of my actions pertain to what sort of reaction she moght have and what she might think, rather than decisions based on what is best for my children and I.
As tough as it is, DB, GAL and live YOUR life as you see fit. Let her wallow in the mess she has caused, let her see and hear you are getting on with your life just fine. As somebody told me, why would you want to be with somebody that treats you like this? Would you allow a neighbour or colleague to treat you this way?
I still have feelings for my W, and a close friend asked me if I would take her back. A part of me says yes, but if she can do this to me and the children, then I would say 'No'.
There is somebody out there that would love me and me to love back, but I am not rushing, I am just concentrating on the children and me.
Try and keep the moral highground in your dealings with your W and treat her like a work colleage - business like.
If you feel that her adultery is not a dealbreaker for you then let her affair run it's course. As Kimmie has said, she is cake-eating, as it is great for her ego. Don't fall for it and take it day by day, I am living proof it does gey better, even though I did not believe it would.
Good luck and keep posting.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
I'm having a tough day. Just sent a text msg to her saying:
"I am visiting solicitor tomorrow. Do you have any intention of paying the money owed for renovations on your rental property, and if so, when will this happen."
Some of this may be the 'end of set of night shifts' induced emotional and physical mess (think jet lag multiplied a few times) making me feel worse, but I'm getting increasingly fed up with it all. I don't feel much emotion for her anymore. Mostly disgust, with the occasional abject rage, but that is fleeting now. She doesn't reply to my weekly email which states similar to the txt above and includes a breakdown of the items and tradesmens bills which I paid, nothing else.
I think I am extremely close to walking away forever. How much of my life can I afford to spend trying to fix a marriage that only lasted 6 months and in which the other party clearly has no interest as she was bedding my colleague within a matter of days (if not before). I hear loud and clear from her surrogate Mum how unhappy and awful she looks, but she's still busy going on holiday and professing her love for the OM.
Is there any point in contesting divorce? I can't do anything except disagree with it, which merely means we wait 5 yrs for the eventual end rather than just 2.
I feel like whatever I do now is just playing into her hands and reinforcing for her that she was right all along. She has no consequences to face except the aforementioned money. I walk away, she feels vindicated and can get on with her life with OM, divorce proceeding asap to make it easier. And it will be very easy as it currently stands, I merely have to sign papers on our anniversary and then wait 2 yrs and it's all over. I try and impede the divorce, she just gets to moan about how 'difficult' and 'unreasonable' I'm being when she wants it all to be AMICABLE!
Mostly I just think I want my money to ease my financial difficulty at the moment and then forget about her forever and get on with finding someone honest, faithful and worthy of wearing my wedding ring.
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
Been to in laws today. Had a lovely time. They yet again voiced their disgust with the STBXW and that they were sorry she'd done this. It was great to chat with her Dad about random stuff, and I left with 24 new farm eggs and a pheasant for the freezer It's really touching that they genuinely care about me, and were very insistent about me visiting again. Saw the surrogate MIL as well, and she seems even more sure that all is not rosy in the world of STBXW and OM. Apparently STBXW has been feeling 'wretched' although not sure why. Hoping it's to do with some kind of guilt over her behaviour. She's still to return the pearls she borrowed for our wedding to the sMIL, and sMIL is getting increasingly vexed with her avoidance. The sMIL's husband is also disgusted with STBXW behaviour.
I left a letter with the FIL stating that I expected her to return the £1k she owes me promptly, or I will be forced to pursue this via small claims court. I've waited 2 months, no more Mr Nice Guy. It will not look good on the record of an accountant having a small claims court judgement against. My solicitor informed me I shouldn't have any trouble with such a claim. I'm happy to let her go on with filing - means she's paying the £1500 to have it done and I don't get slammed with the solicitors fees.
The OM is starting to play nasty at work - is plotting with one of his small group of cronies to have me removed from the rotation - obviously quite stupid as I'm due to rotate to another hospital in 3 months time anyway. And neither him, nor the cronie have ANY control over what my bosses decide to do with hiring and firing people. Apparently he's trying to persuade people that I'm some kind of ogre at work. I can imagine that isn't going down very well. So the pressure there must be coming to bear too.
Consequences are upon them both I think. The sMIL is sure that the end for their relationship is nigh.
Shame I now feel it's actually to late for her to do anything to save our relationship.
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
Good day at work today for me, after hosting a lovely dinner party last night.
Also found out from one of the STBXW work colleagues that she was lying about having told any of them about what had happened. They're full of sympathy for her, not having realised she wasn't wearing her ring, and how awful the last few months must have been for her. As if!
She's running away. Leave all the old behind, and start new job 90 miles away where no-one knows she was married, she can talk about OM to her heart's desire. Thing is, she can't run away from her family. And she can't run away from herself.
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
It's really touching that they genuinely care about me, and were very insistent about me visiting again. Saw the surrogate MIL as well, and she seems even more sure that all is not rosy in the world of STBXW and OM. Apparently STBXW has been feeling 'wretched' although not sure why. Hoping it's to do with some kind of guilt over her behaviour. She's still to return the pearls she borrowed for our wedding to the sMIL, and sMIL is getting increasingly vexed with her avoidance. The sMIL's husband is also disgusted with STBXW behaviour.