Hey all- One of you knows most of all of this but here is the latest.
Wife and kids came down last weekend, we had a pretty nice time. She left on saturday but then turned around about a half an hour away because she didn't feel well...wanted to come "home". that was nice I thought. spent the day just kindof hanging out, it was nice.
one of my partners quit here, opening the job for me to stay here (one of the reasons to leave before was that there wasn't enough work). there was some discussion of that, which she didn't really take well to, since it would mean coming back here, where she doesn't like it here... I would still be able to do heart surgery... but after much thought I am sticking with my original plan to move up there and start the job in may. moving in two weeks (but will be here two more staying with someone). renting a house down the road from her house as she did not feel comfortable with me moving in... so I have a lease to august.
she still talks about wanting to go and see this new marriage counsellor. I suppose this is good, but at the same time there are no real other efforts to reconcile...so I don't know what to make of that.
she makes it impossible for me to detach, as she went to a concert last night and sends me a picture of herself saying 'thinking of you'. but then otherwise its the same old same old... not much contact during the day-- she is just living her life up there with the boys.
I am caught between a rock and a hard place I feel some times, because I want to be available to her (as I was not before) but then I am taken on a yo yo ride every day...
I have been going out with some folks doing trivia, bowling. I've played some basketball. I've been trying to study but it is very hard.
so in a month I will be up there. she has said that she wants to believe in me but doesn't yet.
Bradley, this is progress. That's the nature of the journey. One step at a time. it doesn't feel like you are getting anywhere. But one day you will turn around and look back and realize how far you have come!
It SEEMS like if your wife gave you 9 kisses you'd complain about not having the 10th.
And that she was not showing you enough positive signs.
I truely feel for you. Truely, but I want to pull my hair out.
Quote:
she has said that she wants to believe in me but doesn't yet.
BECAUSE:
Quote:
one of my partners quit here, opening the job for me to stay here (one of the reasons to leave before was that there wasn't enough work). there was some discussion of that, which she didn't really take well to, since it would mean coming back here, where she doesn't like it here...
because I wouldn't believe you yet, especially if you brought this change of plans up...with the likely hopefulness on your part of her coming back there.
Your...posts are full of conflicting information. You say she does this or did that, and then you complain that she doesn't show you any signs...
EEYORE has a better outlook...
I f-ing care for you man...your just so down and...dense at times.
Please break out of the poor you cycle.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Just a thought....she lives up there with the boys. If this was just a move would it be any different? Just a point to think about...because I have been in a similar spot moving.
I see a lot of good in your situation Bradley...I really do.
Can you give yourself a prescription of patience though? It would help you just a wee bit.
Do you and your wife have hobbies or activities you like to do together? Does she golf? Time together is part of fixing your M.
Your situation sure seems like it has good odds at to have the divorce busted. And you are a huge factor in that equation. Jack and Fig swing a mighty piece of lumber and I hope you can understand what they are saying.
I always can count on you guys for a good swift kick.
Fig you are right. we made some really good progress this weekend, but then the issue of the job here came up and set us back.
she said "I don't matter anyhow so we will just move back down there."... so yea. this was not the best thing.
I do need to develop a much better PMA...Perhaps that is the thing that I will really try to work on. I am cycling for sure. I am feeling sorry for myself for sure. I miss my wife, my kids for sure. Its been really tough. but in three weeks I will have a house up there about a half mile from her (she is happy about this). I will "just do it" when it comes to being a part of those kids lives. I've missed too much already. Don't want to miss any more.
As for her believing in me... I get my moments where she does... then I find a way to spoil it. or she does and then she doesn't...just based on past feelings coming back.
I do think we are conversing much better. I do think this weekend we had some really nice moments together. It definitely is different than a few months ago... so yes perhaps there is some progress there.
I do think that I probably had some part in her feeling this way as well-- no I am sure of it. this is why I don't sleep, these things haunt me.
but this is what I am working on. at the very least she has the upper hand right now... though I'm not sure she feels that way. I think she is just starting to get her self esteem back.
