so things have been pretty awful at our house. I have 2 stepkids 15 and 16 and we have a 3 year old. She started bringing up divorce about 6 or 8 months ago and has been withdrawing. Of course like an idot I waited too long to get the book. Tried counseling and it was a horror show, it was a social worker and there were never any goals, we never knew what we were working on..so I stopped going. She repeatedly brings up going to a lawyer or mediator now, I keep stalling but am starting to think I can't stop this impending wave..the weight of it is crushing me.
In my mind she has been preparing our 3 year old for separation of parents by taking him alone, and then having me take him alone, we are never with the kid together except at dinner, even though we're in the same house. The older kids have done this drill before and although the boy seems to be clinging to me now, the girl could care less. She's already jaded to this process as the WAW has done this to them twice already.
I took my 3 year old to the boston garden to see a high school playoff hockey game (he loves hockey), his mom didn't want to go. So after the 1st period my little boy wanted to go home, I drove home in the pouring rain and she wasn't home. I had a very strong gut feeling to drive by her ex boyfriend's house, and the car was there, my heart just lept into my throat, I drove home and got the camera, came back and took some pictures, I was so mad I went and opened the door and walked right into his house and confronted them, they were fully clothed and "just talking"...she won't go to a real counselor with me, but she'll go talk to her ex without telling me. I feel betrayed and part of me wants to launch this turd..I'm really at the point where I just can't stand her, mostly because I think this thing can be saved and she won't bend. I've been doing the 180 and GAL for about 2 weeks now. It seemed to be working as she had stopped talking about divorce incessantly, but today she brought it up again. I just feel like maybe it's too late for my family and my little boy, and maybe I should just go get a lawyer. I've really had enough, it's exhausted. I know I should never have gone into his house, but I was furious. I wanted to knock his teeth out but figured if the cops got involved that would kill me in any custody thing.
Is it too late for this marriage? I want honest answers. We both have to work from home today, we hardly ever talk, and I want someone that loves me in my life. I feel like I am banging my head against this woman's brick wall. I have prayed for her, but as my dad says, nothing will change unless she changes..and she's most likely not going to change unless she has a burning bush moment.
Anyway, I can hardly sleep anymore and am exhausted stressed and emotionally this is very hard to take. I really just wanted my little boy to have an intact family like I had, but she doesn't have the same principles and beliefs. Has anybody ever saved their marriage that was this far gone? Sometimes I feel like this board gives false hope to people who are doomed..I hope that's not the case, I'm doing my best but I don't think the book understands what a stubborn ass this woman is.
Is it too late for this marriage? I want honest answers. We both have to work from home today, we hardly ever talk, and I want someone that loves me in my life. I feel like I am banging my head against this woman's brick wall. I have prayed for her, but as my dad says, nothing will change unless she changes..and she's most likely not going to change unless she has a burning bush moment.
Anyway, I can hardly sleep anymore and am exhausted stressed and emotionally this is very hard to take. I really just wanted my little boy to have an intact family like I had, but she doesn't have the same principles and beliefs. Has anybody ever saved their marriage that was this far gone? Sometimes I feel like this board gives false hope to people who are doomed..I hope that's not the case, I'm doing my best but I don't think the book understands what a stubborn ass this woman is. [/quote]
Lately I've been thinking the same thing. I just want you to know I also wonder about how far my M is gone and no matter how much DB'ing is done is not gonna save it. When someone wants out they just want out.
Hang in there ((((HIM))))))
Last edited by luvless; 03/15/1006:12 PM.
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
thank you luvless. You know, I've always believed "love will find a way"....that it was more than just a Pablo Cruz song. Apparenty not everybody thinks like I do. The most refreshing thing is to see that there are women who think that divorce is a bogus solution to a fixable problem as well.
Start documenting everything like this. It can be helpful should this proceed to full divorce with custody battles. To answer your question, every stitch is different. It may not be too late for you, but it is going to be a very tough battle. You need to lay out some serious boundaries, with some very serious consequences for your wife. For the first one, she needs to be told very clearly, you are not going to share your wife with any OM. If she is going to see another man, then maybe she needs to find another place to live, and your son will be staying in his home.
Is this a BF that she cheated you with or something?
she was a strip dancer...was married w/ 2 kids, this patron (ex BF) started coming in and sweet talking her, they started hanging out and having drinks...then she wants to move out with her kids because this guy got her a legit job. Her ex H is now talking to me spilling the beans, on moveout date she didn't move, her ex H rented a truck, loaded her stuff and told her to leave. She goes to ex BF's house. Would not sign divorce papers for years. She divorced him maybe 5 years ago. When I met her she told me it was platonic with ex BF...apparently he did not agree. It's a disgusting mess I'm ashamed to be part of but it's too late now, we have a beautiful 3 year old boy, and I just want to have a nice family.
I told the ex BF if he intends to break up my family it's going to change his life forever and I mean that. He's not going to be raising my baby...he's a disgusting man and I should have knocked his teeth right down his throat but I knew he would have called the police. I'm really angry right now just typing this. I'm going to email him at work and CC his supervisor and ask him to please have his employee stop contacting married women from his work computer.
we were both working from home today and I had been really doing fantastic on about 3 weeks of 180 and we were talking about her "visit" with the OM and I got pissed and went on a rant and she left.
I know there is still a connection, she seems to really feel bad about being at this guys house, but she just seems to HATE me right now. I've never even dated a girl even when I was young that hated me to this degree for this long. Everything I do pisses her off. It's like I'm walking on eggshells and I'm tired of it. I am who I am, I'm not a bad person, if you can't accept me for who I am you have an acceptance problem.
And guys marry strippers because....? Sorry, I suppose this is part of the "white knight/rescue" syndrome and I will never undestand it.
What I DO understand is that she will not change into what you were hoping. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.
Undisputable fact: strippers do not make good partners for a normal family life. They have too many serious issues with men that got them on the pole to begin with. And it is unfortunate that there is another child involved now. A male child. You get what I'm saying??
Kick her sorry @ss to the curb and use everything you can against her to get custody. She is a very bad role model for your son.
well in her defense, she has worked a legit job now for over 12 years and went through RCIA and we got married in the Church. I do believe she has daddy issues and issues with men in general, it seems like Karma is trying to bring her face to face with these issues but she runs every time it approaches. I'm no saint myself let me tell you, so I was really rooting for us to work out. I still hope it will but mostly for my little boy who deserves an intact and happy family of origin.
