My girlfriend of three years dropped the bomb 3 weeks ago -'love you but not in love'/ 'no passion' and she said she wanted a 'break' and that perhaps we had to 'start again'.
I immediately went dark and didn't make any contact. A week and a half later she left a very sheepish message asking if I was OK. A day later I was going to call her back - then she left another message saying she heard I was sick and wanting to know if I was OK. I left a message and she called me the next morning.
I kept the chat nice and light, no R talk, made her laugh and made sure I got off the phone first. I told her I went to see a film – and she even wanted to know who I went with – your ‘new girlfriend’ she joked. We sort of left it at 'well call me if you want to chat.' And she said the same to me.
The next day I had to travel interstate which she didn’t know about.
Now my emotions are getting on top of me a bit. It’s been six days again since any contact.
I’m feeling funny now about staying dark – even though we had that conversation which did ‘lighten’ things up a bit. Should I lighten up more?
We were meant to be going to a friend’s wedding this weekend which I will be back in time for – but she hasn’t said anything about it since (she’s in the wedding party)
So my question – should I ring her nice and casually? Tell her I’m interstate and that I’ll be back on Fri – and see if she brings up the wedding and wants me to go?
Or should I not ring her and just sit tight and wait for her to call - or is that 'too dark'?
Would it be a good experiment (or maybe just a rarity) for this board if you continued your non-contact / getting on with your life and allowed her to make all contact for the next month or two. Realizing that you do not have to be available at her every beck and call? (there is more to you than your relationship with her!)
You are taking a "break" correct? You might as well take it like a man and enjoy it and practice your 'interaction' skills with someone else for a bit. There is nothing wrong with making people happy through your company. Give her the time to sort through what she needs to sort through. Sort out in your own mind if this relationship was only suppose to last three years and the magic is truely gone?
Three years to me is still the period in which you are getting to know someone. Did you become the same old same old boyfriend? Predictable, boring, vanilla? The "passion" is gone.
What could you do that would spark new interest in your love life? What would spark her interest in you, make you a brand-new-kinda-guy? If you did not know her but wanted to what would you do, how would you act, what would you say to make her think you were the one?
What if my girlfriend thought I was not as 'loving' as she thought I could be - by going dark - does this imply 'more of the same'? Even though she did request space?
What if my girlfriend thought I was not as 'loving' as she thought I could be - by going dark - does this imply 'more of the same'? Even though she did request space?
Most of what you will be told by the board will sound like something opposite from what you feel you should do. If you worry about how she's going to react or what she's going to think.....then you will fail at this. First thing....don't fear how she will respond. The girl wants space, so go dark. You don't worry what she may be thinking. You don't want to be all lovie-dovie with a person who doesn't want you around.
Fear will be your number one enemy. When you become self convident and like the man you are, then she will be attracted to you. Right now, you are not that person, and that's what you need to get your focus on.......instead of "her".
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
