I'm going to try and make my story short. Since being married i've been home no more than 3 weeks at a time with 2 weeks to 6 months inbetween being home because of deployments. My marriage started falling about after i asked my very ambitious wife to stay home with my son for his first year. After some post partum depression and me not being supportive enough throughout the years we started seeing a councilor, who turned be on to the divorce busting books. After a deployment i started seeing a councilor on my own. I've tried for exactly 57 days to shower her with gifts and services, then i did a 180 as of 2 weeks ago just letting her be. I started to see alot better results and wrote them down in a journal, which i also used to lash out my fustrations and disappointments on the bad days. Well today she found it and told me that she wasn't stupid and that she knew it was for a lawyer. I grew angry and said that she was stupid and that she didn't know what she was talking about, among other things. Usually she's the one with the temper, and i'm the one that calms her, which is why she fell in love with me. But ever since giving up on the nice guy thing and doing a 180, she's been doing some nice things for me for once, but i find myself becoming the angry one, and she isn't very good at calming me. By doing the 180 I've essentially became my wife, and because of that our way of life won't work unless she becomes me. I'm afraid that if i don't control my anger the way i did to my wife years back, it will accelerate her intentions to leave me.
I'm afraid that if i don't control my anger the way i did to my wife years back, it will accelerate her intentions to leave me.
Couple of quick ideas to get you started.
- No expectations, don't take anything personal.
- Make a list of what you are grateful for.
- Google Steven Stosny, replace the anger with compassion. Doesn't mean you are a doormat.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
In the navy, you should have received some sort of training on how to defend yourself and how to fight. You should have been taught that when you fight you should realize that to be successful you must relax.
When you are relaxed you think clearly and you remain focused. Your reaction time is shortened as you react with logic rather than emotion. You learn when to react and when to allow your opponent to expend energy with frustrated behavior.
What has your military training taught you about and how to relax in stressful situations?
