Looking for a bit of advice for my current sitch. I've been on and off the board for the past few months. Really been working on myself and trying to do the mirror work I need to do. Focusing on the kids and GAL...all of that is good. W takes all of this behavior as extreme selfishness and throws it back in my face as proof to her that I don't love her. Water off the duck's back.
W still wants me to move out of the house to which I have politely declined. The latest drama she is creating is over a new car. Current car is 10 years old. Still in great shape, but the cat. converters are going bad. She wants to get a new car but can't get a loan. I don't want to co-sign on because she is still talking D. She asked last night what I want to do about it and I told her that she should get the car fixed. It infuriates her that I won't co-sign for her.
She thinks she deserves it because she is the mother of my kids. Uses my reluctance to buy her a car as an example of how I have an issue with money. I do tend to be a saver rather than spender, but I've given up as much of that issue as I can. I've listened to her ravings about it and have done the best I can to validate her feelings but my head tells me it is not in my best interest to sign on a loan just so she can get a new car, so I've held my ground despite great anger.
The question I am asking myself is: am I doing this just to let her see what reality is? Should I be doing that? Financially we could probably weather a new car payment, but I don't want to be the one responsible for it if we D.
Some of this is venting but I'm interested to hear what all of your opinions are. She is really good at confusing the h3ll out of me. She has noticed my going dim and it really upsets her. It's been tough to hang in there throughout this anger and not give in and fall back to the fix-it person I used to be. The one that lost himself. Don't want to go back there even if it means we are done.
Me: 43 W: 40 S10,S7 M12, T13+
My sitch: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1952314&page=1
Don't do it. If you D, then you are stuck with the payment if she can't cover. Just tell her that matter of factly.
Don't worry about offending her. Let's put it this way, she had no problem offending you saying that she wanted out. Well, all you're doing is giving her what she wants. Out means out.
Let's make this clear...YOU ARE NOT THE @$$ HERE.
To re-quote her, she shouldn't have treated you the way she did because you are the FATHER of her kids, oh and her husband in case she forgot.
Does she work? Let her work out a payment plan. That's what's going to happen anyway if you D.
Good job about the not moving out. Stick to your guns. It's hard as hell, but you can weather her storm.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I guess it all depends on the reason for not signing. It seems that you are slightly retaliating against your wife for her feelings towards splitting up. This could be manipulative and controlling.
If your reason are that in this economic times it makes more sense to fix the car than to replace it...then you are being logical.
Overall I am not up to speed on your stitch. I will try to catch up....but I would stay away from choices that are manipulative....you will be burned in the end.
1-At the moment nobodies job or business is guaranteed...so no reason to get rid of a car that is fine 2-It appears that you are the main bread winner 3-Your wife has shown that she might not be the best with finances 4-The "d" discussion keeps coming up 5-Possibility of OM
Reason to say yes; 1-I can't come up with a good reason based on your posting. The only halfa@@ reason I can come up with is basically your state laws. If you live in a state that splits assets 50/50...then her debt is your debt. So based on that...if she is hell bent on getting a loan that you might be stuck with one way or the other...I would then co-sign. The only reason being is that the law might say the debt is half yours so you might as well know what is going on.
If your wife wants a new car, then she needs to figure out how she will make the payments. Do not put yourself into a financial situation whereby you will be paying the loan off while she's off driving around town in la la land. She's playing on your guilt when it comes to you being a wise spender.
Step back, and allow her to figure out how she will accomplish this little task. Part of growing up is learning to stand on your own two feet and if you want something, you figure out how to get it and pay for it. "Dad" don't do this for her at this time.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
W still wants me to move out of the house to which I have politely declined.
Good man.
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I don't want to co-sign on because she is still talking D.
Good man. Keep politely declining this as well.
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The question I am asking myself is: am I doing this just to let her see what reality is? Should I be doing that?
She wants you out of the house and is still talking about getting D'd. Not the best time to go out and spend thousands on a vehicle together IMO.
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It's been tough to hang in there throughout this anger and not give in and fall back to the fix-it person I used to be. The one that lost himself. Don't want to go back there even if it means we are done.
