well all has been quiet on the home front for past two weeks, until today. (original sitch was getting a bit long - in my siggy)
simple question i probably should not have asked blew up in my face and now i think i am really back to square one.
i asked if she had thought about working on "us" and she looked at me and laughed "are you kidding" - "you have not changed", "you think reading a few books and exercising is going to change you?".
felt like a my heart just got ripped out all over again. i love this woman so much by am at a point where i don't know what to do anymore. I know this DB stuff is hard and a long road, but the lack of love (both emotionaly and physical) is really taking it's toll on me.
i keep getting back up, dusting myself off and getting back on the road...but i sure feel like a doormat lately.
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
Gman - have you ruled out a Mid Life Crisis for you W? If not, then you may want to post under the mid life section.
By the way you can do this buddy - you can. You just need to focus on YOU - remember you cannot control your W but you can control YOU. FTR I know how hard this is...I have been at for 6 months and see no signs of change - none. Whatever you do...DO NOT preasure her.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I feel for you man, I'm getting the same thing. My wife is seething with anger and I really don't get it. I'm starting to think that DB is like that game of Chinese handcuffs, the harder you pull the worse it gets. It's counterintuitive not to pull, it's against my nature. I wish you the best man, the hardest part for me in all of this is sort of like the serenity prayer, you don't know what you have control of and what you don't. Is this my fate? Am I just supposed to let it happen? Is it too late?
I've had some divorced guys who are more spiritually in tune than I tell me it will be painful but the best thing that's ever happened to me. I'm having a hard time believing this. I've learned that a few quiet days don't mean a whole lot, so even though I'm new here, the only thing I could suggest is to pull a 180 and the GAL and mean it. It's hard for me to do this right now but I'm trying like hell to GAL.
I've had some divorced guys who are more spiritually in tune than I tell me it will be painful but the best thing that's ever happened to me. I'm having a hard time believing this.
I've heard the same and yes I have a hard time believing that. Especially in my sitch...married 17 yrs with 3 children.
I will say though that doing the work on myself had been an experience. I can now see all of the mistakes that i made over the years. So once you REALLY look at yourself I think you will feel a little better - the pain though does not go away right away. This just means though that you are human and do love ther person.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I will say though that doing the work on myself had been an experience. I can now see all of the mistakes that i made over the years. So once you REALLY look at yourself I think you will feel a little better - the pain though does not go away right away. This just means though that you are human and do love ther person.
so true - blindly thinking everything was fine but now seeing the mistakes that both of us made to get us to this lovely place. I do say both of us, as stupid as i may have been she did her part to a capital T - trust me we both are perfect examples, our paths/mistakes are outlined in every book i have read to this point.
GAL is getting harder and harder as we are still together in our house with the kids and my lone income.
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
GMAN - I'm in the house as well buddy. Also dealing with an EA so trust me I understand how you feel. What has worked for me is that I look at my kids and realize why I am doing this. Focus on your kids dude. Focus on them - it is an investment that will pay off in the future. Remember buddy any changes you do are for you not to save the M - trust me when I tell you that they can see right thru it. Oh...an never mention it to them - let them see it. Remember you cannot control another only yourself. You will survive this - you will man. Keep your head up.
When you feel like quitting....ask youself this...do I really love this person enough to stick this out even though...I may be in limbo, everything may appear to be working against me...well do you love her enough...do you? Only you can answer this question - What it will tell you is the type of man that you are and the character that exists in you. Some will say that you will not let go...I say let go and work on you but stand and show the world your character!
By the way are you on the Alt?
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
When you feel like quitting....ask youself this...do I really love this person enough to stick this out even though...I may be in limbo, everything may appear to be working against me...well do you love her enough...do you?
By the way are you on the Alt?
I truely do love her - probably more now than before all this crap...lol
what is the Alt?
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I'm with you and eric and others, still in the house and trying to figure it all out. I have four kids the same age range as yours and eric is right: get your strength from them. I'm hoping the same as you are that my wife will come around. If all goes well, this sitch could be the best thing that happened to us. It makes us realize where we went wrong and fixing the things in ourselves that will make us better people no matter what she chooses. I haven't posted much so I'm no pro. Just wanted to let you know I understand. Don't give up and stay strong!
GAL is getting harder and harder as we are still together in our house with the kids and my lone income.
she figuratively craps on you repeatedly and you love her more? please explain why.
so the questions, that nobody has brought up in sometime, are ...
how often does your wife go out and you dont know where she is? how much time does she spend online? does she have a facebook boyfriend? while you are at work who is she hanging out with? has she gone on vacation alone recently? does she visit her "mom" or "sisters" or hang out at the girlfriends house till 3am?
