SG's lot is self-fullfillng. You are clearly better without that influence affecting your life. How frustrating that he just can't get it. The concert will be amazing. Good for you.
I guess I just think it is sad. I mean, I wonder was he always like this? And the answer is probably yes. He was used to having someone do everything for him, and never learned to do it on his own. It does explain a lot... I have a tendency to be the "saviour" and apparently he was my lost cause.
But I didn't mind. I loved taking care of him.
At the end of the day, though, I am better off. I hate saying that because I do love him, but I cannot be his mother, his wet nurse, his concubine, whatever TF he is looking for. I don't mind taking care of someone as long as it is reciprocated. For a time it was, but now?
Nope.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
"Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all." -- Sam Ewing
I like that one. A lot.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
LOL I agree, I too like taking care of someone but not in a dysfunctional way and looking back with some of Mark's issues I was enabling and dysfunctional. But my eyes were opened. But yes, as long as its reciprocated. Looking back I don't think I have ever had someone take care of me or do amazing things for me. It's hard because I sit and write these messages about someone who seems so foreign. He seems so pathetic, ridiculous, self absorbed, etc.....the first 10 years he wasn't this way in fact quite the opposite.
My H too was very mothered by his mom and still is. Don't think he will ever truly be independent due to her crippling in letting him mature.
SG's mother used to break up with his girlfriends for him.
When he told her he was leaving me, she said "whatever makes you happy."
How about a$$hole you took on responsibilities and unless she is a cold heartless bitch count your blessings????
I gotta tell ya, nothing pissed me off more than when I heard that. I thought, this woman does not even really know me, and she is going to tell him it is okay for him to just walk away without even trying?
And then I remembered something.
My eldest daughter is bipolar, and before she was diagnosed she was really screwed up. She cheated on my SIL left and right, and left him several times. And I would say...drumroll...
whatever makes you happy.
After SG and I split, D24 was still undiagnosed, and once again left my SIL (who, BTW, should be nominated for sainthood), and this time I yelled at her that she had a responsibility to her husband and children not to do what she was doing. I didnt speak to her for four months. And you know what?
Making her accountable for her actions worked. She got her act together, saw a doctor, a therapist, went on meds, and is a completely different person now.
I am not saying that was my doing, she did the work, and I am damned proud of her. My SIL took her back every single time, and now he is in Iraq (God bless him). But I wonder how much of me not allowing her to have any more excuses for bad behavior got the ball rolling a little in the right direction.
If more parents would tell their children to try counseling, try working it out before walking away, there would be less divorces in this country.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
My MIL is the queen of tiptoeing...well no let me take that back the entire family is. Wake up your son/brother is heading down the gutter again. But I gave up on that battle. It is no longer my job to convience them of his problems...and literally that's what it was. At first I was the one with all the problems....really? Really? Pretty sure I don't have a drinking problem, pretty sure I've been the parent to our son when he was out cheating/drinking, wasting his life away. Ohh I could go on.
I have tried with classes, books, etc...to get his mom to see of her enabling ways to no avail. I give up. I commend you for holding strong with your daughter. I just told someone today...regardless if someone is family if they screw up they screw up they are still held accountable. Still hold them to the same morals and values I have. Whatsmore is if Jack, my son EVER treated his wife & child the way Mark has you better believe your butt I wouldn't be tiptoeing. To each their own with their parenting, but at some point you have to think...what you're doing isn't working. But that would require the blinders to come off and some acceptancing in playing a part.
The Divorce Busting rules I believe say don't recruit family members or friends to be your advocate. It'll just work in reverse.
I remember in late 2008 W said her mom was actually my biggest booster.
That made sense. Despite the way I've treated her mom, not horrible, but not great, she always kept trying to be my friend.
After W kicked me out, I didn't see her mom for several weeks. When I did, I apologized to her for not being the SIL I should have been and asked her to pray for me.
I just started bawling. I was surprised at how emotional I got.
She told me she was stepping back and not getting involved and letting us figure things out. That's what her mother did when she and W's dad split up.
They ended up getting back together although they were no happier than before.
Recently though, MIL offered to lend W money so she could buy me out of the house -- although it didn't go through -- and I'm guessing she gave W the money for the L retainer since W has been broke.
In the end, blood is thicker than water.
I'm dealing with anger over that.
W only has a few people close to her, a couple of friends and her sisters and mother, and I feel like they are enabling her.
But I don't know for sure. I don't know anything for sure.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
Oh if I could have spoken to my MIL, I would have.
Of course, I don't speak German, and she doesn't speak English.
And now, she is ill. SG told me last night she is losing her memory...early stages of dementia. She is like 58. And although I don't think she was a bad mother, I think she tried to overcompensate for SG and his brother's worthless father.
Unfortunately, SG became his worthless father. I told him that too at one point. Lmao...I still remember the text I sent saying he had become the one person in this world he hated the most, his father.
No, I think as parents it is our responsiblity to teach our children right from wrong. There is too much coddling of children these days, oh its okay even if you do something wrong I will get you out of it...
Yeah, not me. I did it with my middle daughter, D23. Huge bone of contention between me and the SG. I wanted to give her everything I didn't have, and couldn't give S24. And you know what? She was a selfish spoiled brat.
I won't make that mistake again.
And on that note, I am going to take my happy ass home...catch you all later!!!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I still remember the text I sent saying he had become the one person in this world he hated the most, his father.
Ditto! I told Gabe the exact same thing. He has turned into his father!!! Gabe has a hate/love R with his father. I didn't say love/hate on purpose. That would imply that love comes first....not with him. His dad was an abusive SOB who cheated on his mom over and over. Heck, Gabe's sister changed her name so she wouldn't be associated with him anymore and hasn't spoken to him since he walked out on their mom about 12 years ago.
CRAZY!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
