!Help! Need Advice and encouragement!

[sandi2]

If that is how the girls feel about their mother, then perhaps staying with you and your mom for Easter would be a good idea. I would not push them on their mother or try and tell them what their feeling are or aren't. Don't take sides against or for her, just stay neutral. Let the kids decide how they feel.

[stark648]

D-11 wants to go to the Easter egg hunt with her all of her cousins and all, so I may drop her off there--on the other hand, she would also like to see her grandma,(my mom)-and I think she would be okay if I made her come with me, but there's not as much for her to do at my mom's and I'm really having trouble deciding what's best.

My d-15 likes all 3 options and will go to whichever I suggest. She loves to see her cousins at Easter, and assures me about 'no mom conflicts', but I think she would like to be with me more than d-11 does. D-11 misses mom, terribly, of course. The whole thing sucks.

My mom would have us for dinner Saturday or Sunday, or if I don't want to come, she's okay with that, as well.(no pressure either way).

D-15's boyfriend's got a b-day party on Saturday for his niece. D-15 is okay with going w/me to my mom's instead-whatever I decide.

I honestly could probably make a 'good showing' at W's sister's Sunday--all her relatives have thought I was absolutely wonderful for the last 13 years. They know what all I've done for W and SOME of the cr@p I've had to deal with. Maybe they would tell W how she's making a big mistake. Or maybe she's got them convinced I have become an a$$ lately and I wouldn't mind disproving that by showing up and being my normal self. If I don't go there, it might reinforce the a$$ allegation.

Before she mentioned the party, it was simple. I used to be so much more decisive. I must be really screwed up. I think I would like to make d-11 come to my mom's on Sunday and forget about the Easter egg hunt altogether. W would miss them and MIGHT think about the holiday problems and heartaches. I'm having a hard time not resenting W for this whole mess.

[stark648]

We are going to my mom's. The girls can color Easter eggs and we will play games. The girls and I had family game and snack night tonight. We are still a family. God is working here at this house, anyways. D-15 keeps saying we need new family portraits showing us three. I think we're doing as well as can be expected. If W would stay away, we could probably do even better.

W texted and asked me what the plan was. I told her my mom already had everything ready and was expecting us. She said that's ok, she was probably going to skip Easter this year. I didn't reply.

The girls (especially d-15) are really upset/mad that W has been talking of having a baby--even going by the baby stuff in stores and asking d-11 'wouldn't you like a new baby brother or sister'? they feel abandoned/rejected by her and she's talking like she's going to replace them as well as me (is what it sounds like to them,-- well, me too, I guess) D-15 wants to disown her if she does that.

Any words of wisdom? God does much of his work through people...I'm listening to you...

[sandi2]

Any words of wisdom? God does much of his work through people...I'm listening to you...

That is why what we say is so serious. I feel very unwise in most things, but I do believe whenever a person is trying to do what is right then God will work things out for their good. That may mean that "this" R will not heal but that there is a better one down the road. Yes, God wants our M to last but He is not going to force your W to do something against her free will. So, it's tough, very tough. Just know that He is in your corner.

She sounds very looney right now....talking about having another baby, etc., to the girls. That is probably her way of trying to get them to accept her "other" life she is fantasizing about.

It is hard for you to make even small decisions at this time b/c of the condition of your M, family, health....everything. Don't be too hard on yourself. Be a friend to "you" b/c if you get too down on yourself that will not help the girls or stitch.

Hope Easter will be a good day for your family.

[stark648]

Church was great--Easter was wonderful-- and we all had a great time eating, coloring eggs, laughing, napping and playing board games.

I may have screwed up, but on the way home from my mom's, I asked if the girls had talked to momma, and then let d-11 call her and say 'Happy Easter'. It may not be 'DB', but it seemed like the right thing to do. I didn't talk to her myself...In fact, she called back on my phone and I let d-15 answer it (d-15 was texting a girl for me while I was driving home at the time).

I know about the free will thing, but I am still(foolishly?) hopeful that God will change her heart (influence, soften, enlighten, rekindle love) towards me. I am hopeful for this for the family and myself. But I also pray that if He's got a different (better?) plan for the me and the family, that he would help my feelings towards W to fade quickly.---And bring someone else into my life.

I have about 7 women I have been talking to and/or 'friendly dating', but...I am not just rebounding or 'latching-on'. I really ask that I would know if/when the right one comes along...and take it slowly. I do like it that some pretty females are interested in me and being nice to me.

My main focus is on my daughters. They do seem much better lately, and we do all sorts of stuff together.

My mom says my countenance/etc. looks much better.

[stark648]

I think I'm done. W screwed me up on the taxes.
She filed separately and claimed two of the kids! I had told her I would give her half of the refund, but she was stubborn and wanted to hurry and didn't trust me either.

That cost us a good bit of money. Her financial sitch is bad. I'm going to file and get her to sign ASAP before she wants to milk more money. I supported her and all three kids all last year, and she thinks she deserves more money (and also costs us both more money)because she needs it more.

She also got to talking about school and stuff, but I kept my e-mail on the tax subject. I need to finish the divorce paperwork before she spends all of her refund. Her bank acct. is always in the red and she borrows on her paychecks at 10% for a week...her overdraft fees are killing her too. I think I'm through with her and her craziness.