GAL=Getting a life. Going out with friends, new hair cut, new clothes, etc....Fun things that you do for yourself. These activities help you regain your own identity.
180= Positive changes to old behaviors.
Example (only an example...I am not saying this applies to you);
You would leave dishes in sink until you got around to doing them; Weakness-Unsanitary and messy Weakness-Poor example of tidiness for children Weakness-Husband complained about it, but you didn't listen
180-Starting cleaning dishes as soon as they are dirty
New strength-Teaches children to clean up by example New strength-House is cleaner and you can enjoy relaxing better New strength-Husband no longer complains about dishes (This isn't a reason for the 180, just an outcome)
There are tons of 180's-Working out, joining groups that you wouldn't have before, etc. It ties into evaluating your weaknesses I described above. If you are perpetually late...a 180 would be that you are perpetually early. You make these changes for you in an effort to make yourself a better person. Soon you will become more proud of what you are achieving through the 180's and become more self-confident.
They finally goal of 180's is to make these a permanent change in how you live. They aren't short term changes, so it takes time and investment on your part to make sure that once the changes are made....that they stick.
Found out last night that H has been spending time with OW. I went a little crazy not to him, but to myself. I asked him to confirm and said that I don't know how to work with him as long as this is going on. I have exposed the A to everyone and now she's (OW) upset and so he's taking it out on me, but they are just friends. D12 contacted her (OW) last night. I have her number in my phone and also found her on FB. He is threatened to take them from me because of this. I am taking my d's stuff away, and offering her a journal. Is it okay for her to confront either of them? She felt so good about what she'd done, which is not okay, but I think she needed to get it out. He is going to lay into her when he sees her and I'm worried. He also said, he doesn't care what a piece of paper says, I am not his W. I am sick and can't handle the kids. Because of all the stress and them acting out, it's somehow all my fault because I have them all the time. Does that make sense to any of you. After the "I would never intentionally hurt you email" this came a day later. He hates me, or he thinks he does. I told him while he was going on and on, that telling me I look great, or sending me emails to make himself feel better was not acceptable. Today he will be calm and rational, but I can't handle the verbal abuse any longer. Getting an A today!
Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.
Delete her number, delete her from your FB immediately, go completely NC with him. He is reacting to drama that is being created. Being in contact with him is fueling his hostility and his feelings that you are the cause of all his unhappiness.
Your D12 should not have ever had access to any information re: his supposed A. She is understandably hurt and angry but it is up to you to guide her to more appropriate outlets for that.
Do you have a C? More importantly, does she?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I agree. He is so hostile to me one day and nice the next. Mostly it was because Ihad done NC. He said he'd fight me if I didn't work "with" him on kids. I don't want to see him, don't want to talk to him, it's so hard when kids are involved. My kids are having a really hard time and are reacting to stress, he has a right to know what is going on, but I don't want to tell him. Does he hear it anyway honestly? How do you coparent with someone like this? D12 found out before I did, because OW has a big mouth. She likes to create drama. D12 found her on her daddy's FB page to start things off. She should never have known and that is what I told H. He said he will handle it. So frustrating. OW is going through custody battle and I spoke with her x. She even TOLD him what was goin on. Sick.
Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.
Continue your NC and 'going dark' co-parenting being the exception. You ahve already told him there is no room for a 3rd person inyour marriage. Reiterate that and tell him if he can do that, then MC is a good idea.
DO NOT give in to him right now as he is currently full-blown in his A.
