I’m back with a new identity. I couldn’t stay away too long. The affair is busted but my W still wants the divorce. The house is up for sale. I have visited lawyers. She want’s a collaborative divorce. Right now, I’m not there yet.
After I signed off, I was able to confront the OM on the phone and just ripped him a new one. My W sat there and listened to the whole thing. I put the phone to her ear and told her to break it off now but she refused to speak. The OM broke it off.....supposedly. I have spoken with the OM W and they are currently working on their marriage.
I had a thrill locating her other cell phone in her car and then taking it out in the driveway and smashing it to pieces with a hammer while she watched.
The anger is gone but the pain of all this has resurfaced again. I had an emotional breakdown one morning and had to get on some Xanax and an antidepressant. I felt doped on the Xanax and quit taking that, but the antidepressant helps. I have found it best to emotionally detach again.
I have a new mentor who has been helping me through all this. He has been divorced and remarried to the same woman three times.
The divorce seems eminent. She has her mind made up. She says she doesn't want to stay married to me anymore. She was about to file Monday but somehow held up after my kids and I surprised her with a dozen roses and a total day of beauty at a spa as a gift the day before for her birthday. I know..... pursuing, but I made it from the kids.
She is going to counseling. I think the guy is just validating her decision. He just told her that I am in the grieving period and need more time.
Besides GAL and detach what else can I do now to save my marriage?
Ripping into the OM made you feel great, I'm sure, but I doubt it will have the effect you want. Put yourself in his place (as hard as that is) and think about how you would react. You would probably think "this guy is a psycho, no wonder she wants me".
I met with the OM in my sitch just to give him a chance to redeem himself and give him the benefit of the doubt that he just made a horrible mistake. I was completely cordial and did not rip into him. It had zero effect, which I expected, but it did allow me to judge his future actions and him as being a complete snake and predator for continuing them. I'm sure he was surprised with the way I handled the meeting.
Smashing the cell phone while she watched can't possibly endear you to your wife. I'm sure that only shocked and scared her, which is not the way you want her to feel about you.
Establish boundaries that she must adhere to or you will create consequences. No contact with the OM, purging all of his contact info, any gifts, etc. Of course this is only if she is interested in reconciling and staying in the home with you. If she doesn't adhere to your boundaries, you should tell her she should leave.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
Gosh, I am so sorry. I have to tell you. I'd react the same dam# way!!!
I've been thinking maybe I should take something, as well, but I'm doing so well w/the detox I've been doing, and my blood work looks so much better, I hesitate to add anything in!!
How can we help?
Do you even want to be married to her anymore?
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
The anger just got the best of me. I know it wasn't endearing but I was just showing her that I wasn't going to sit back and tolerate that $hit. I was royally pissed. It sure felt good.
I've mellowed out now. Today she caught me looking at BMW M5's on the internet. I think that bothered her.
Pigskin.. I see that you guys separated after your W's A. Did you kick her out? I tried to do that but her lawyer said that I couldn't. She won't leave either. I am stuck here with her and she treats me like dog$hit.
My W is making a huge mistake. I just want to let her know before she does it.
Me:49 W: 41 Kids=D14/D14/S10 Married: 15 Together: 16 Bomb: 08/26/09 Currently: separated but in the different houses.
Gosh, I am so sorry. I have to tell you. I'd react the same dam# way!!!
I've been thinking maybe I should take something, as well, but I'm doing so well w/the detox I've been doing, and my blood work looks so much better, I hesitate to add anything in!!
How can we help?
Just help me get through all this. I enjoyed the support I got here and I felt on top of the game. Now I've been falling down. I need some DB guidance.
Do you even want to be married to her anymore?
Last edited by Sleepy; 02/06/1009:40 PM.
Me:49 W: 41 Kids=D14/D14/S10 Married: 15 Together: 16 Bomb: 08/26/09 Currently: separated but in the different houses.
