Help doing what is best for The Children

[Ready2Change]

One more baby step.

I received a text from MsR2C asking if it was OK to sign the boys up for baseball. First time she has asked. Old behavior was to sign them up and "expect" my support. I had previously set a boundary that I would no longer support her unilateral decisions.

I replied with a "Yes, please sign them up. Do you need any money?"

Long story short, first joint decision about sports, first time we split payments for an activity.......



Things that work:
Act as if COPARENTING
Setting boundaries.
Verbalizing R issues with kids therapist and asking for his guidance.....

[motherof3]

Wow. Wonders never cease. Good for you R2C.

[Awoken]

I'm watching closely. This is encouraging R2C. congrats.

[flowmom]

That's great R2C Babysteps.

[Ready2Change]

Hi All,

Overnights during the off week has been a big issue. All three of my children have expressed a desire to spend the night at my house during MsR2C's parenting time. I continue to bend and let them go to her house for overnights, but she does not reciprocate. Last night S9 expressed again that he wanted to spend the night at my house.

Me: "it is OK with me. You will need to ask you mother. What do you think she will say?"

S9: "No."

Me: "What does your therapist say?"

S9: "Keep asking her"

......

Anyway, how much pressure does everyone think I should encourage S9 to put on his mother? I also can keep the pressure on via EMAIL to MsR2C. I could lay out boundaries, but the therapist "Assures" me she will change.....It has been two years without her bending.

Looking for ideas/ input to get an overnight with my kids.....

The double standard is frustrating......

[Onthemountaintop]

Is it possible to stick to a fixed schedule excepting emergencies? Having some ground rules might help about switches.

I have a friend who's parents had divorced. He wouldn't go to his dad's house because he felt better/secure at mom's. While that respects his POV better, I wonder if it caused resentment or just an empty love bank.

Result? His connection with his dad disappeared and when the dad died, he only had one son at his death bed. While the dad may have had it coming, as your W may, I wonder if it affects my friend's relationships with others.

Once a schedule is made, the kids need to feel they aren't pawns in a game by your W. That they are loved by both. A flexible schedule might get that, but then again, love includes committment.

[Ready2Change]

We have 50/50 custody. I have kids for 1 week, then MsR2C has the kids for a week. We have a mid week diner visit. The kids are in sports, so I see the kids frequently even during her parenting time.....

I just don't think MsR2C understands how her attempts to control my children builds up resentment in them. I am in my own box and have a harder time determining how my interactions in this affect them......

The issue I see is that the children do not get one-on-one time with each of us. It is either all three kids with me and none with her, or the opposite. I do get one-on-one by having each one go with me/my mom/my dad..... The kids still crave the one-on-one time and want it during the off week parenting time.

[motherof3]

The issue I see is that the children do not get one-on-one time with each of us. It is either all three kids with me and none with her, or the opposite. I do get one-on-one by having each one go with me/my mom/my dad..... The kids still crave the one-on-one time and want it during the off week parenting time.

I struggle with this too and have yet to find an answer.

(((R2C)))

[flowmom]

If you can, I would suggest doing some coparenting sessions with a psychologist to discuss what would work best for the children.

A week is a long time to not see a parent, even if there is a midweek dinner. My children are younger, but we have chosen to have much more frequent switch-offs, for the sake of the children. But that's our family...it would be good for you and your X to discuss this with a third party who can advocate for your children.

I hope that your life is looking up right now

[Ready2Change]

At some point, the children will be able to choose where they want to be. It will be bad if they are allowed to play each parent against the other. Co-parenting is my desire....