Quote: It is strange as I talk to some of my friends and family,they just don't get what it is I am doing...They don't understand how I can be happy and feel good about me and things that are happeneing...
oh boy do I understand that one... I can't even count how many times over the summer people asked me if I was on drugs, (and not the "fun" kind either) there were several times (after the initial shock) that I found myself comforting others involved telling them everyone will be ok, they just couldn't understand. and of course there were people who couldn't understand why I would want him back anyway (I'm sure some still have that thought) but they really don't matter and if they think that then as I told h, we'll just have to show them all that we are happy and they will get over it and if they don't then to hell with them.
it is a long road there are good days and bad, there are days of strength and days of weakness when you just want to crawl up in a ball and cry. but in the end the truth comes out and you realize that you can and will survive no matter what!! and it is only when you realize this and believe it that things can start happening.
Hi Robert...I asked a question about detachment in another thread, but got no response...Can you briefly explain your interpretation of it ? I have all but severed contact w/my wife, other than questions about the kids. Is this what is meant ?? In Him...Kevin
I would be more than happy to discuss these matters with you, but I certainly don't want to hijack Sue's thread. Why don't you e-mail me at BeerAndShotMan@aol.com
Just checking in to say hi, not too much new here...did talk to h the other night as I was not sure of balance in our chk acct and since he works there, he can look it up..he was so enjoyable to talk to...I told him that I had missed talking to him...is that a no no for dbing?? He said that I disappeared after church Sunday, I said no, you did..we had a nice talk about all kinds of things..no r talk though...he told me he was going to banking scholl for a couple weeks in May, and on a church conference meeting trip in April...he just sounds so happy...and I have felt so happy recently too...I hope and pray the end results will be together. but who knows...and I seem to go day by day believing that...would it be better to live as though it won't happen and if it happens then great? Who knows...gotta go Sue
Quote: I have felt so happy recently too...I hope and pray the end results will be together. but who knows...and I seem to go day by day believing that...would it be better to live as though it won't happen and if it happens then great?
as long as you are happy that is all that matters...that is what dbing is really all about...get yourself in a happy place do things that are good for you...improve your life in all facets and if in the end your marriage is saved that my friend is a bonus!!
sounds like you are doing great...I don't think it bad to tell h you miss him as long as it was more an up beat "hey I miss talking to you" rather than a sad mopey " I miss you boo hoo"
interesting that h noticed and made comment on you leaving after church or as he said dissapeared! good that he is telling you about what he's doing (school, church trip) time and patience are the key....
Good to hear from you, LL how are you?? I have not been on the board as much, but will come over to your place to catch up..
Tomorrow I am going to have lunch with daughter and she said maybe she would call her Dad and see if he wanted to come..I know our kids are young adults, but since h does not come home too much, and they don't call him, I feel sad that he doesn't make the effort to see or call them...but htne he has never been a real active part of their lives...he always played with them, helped with them, went to all their school activities...but never did any one on one things with them...hmmmm..maybe because I always thought we should do everything as a family...I look back and see that things should have been different...not that it was bad...just different. Maybe I should encourage the kids to call him...don't know. Sue
HI, had lunch with daughter and h today.. he is so relaxed..like so many years ago...so I question that it is me and our life together that he was tired of and being on his own is what he is liking...he told me that our male pastor at church asked the female pastor(whom h has talked to about himself)if they needed to worry about my h and the church sec(who has had some problems in her m also)becasue they are at the church working together alot.That made me soooo furious...why ***it, does everyone always assumme there is "something" going on with male and females being together as friends??? My h does the financial part of the church, so yes he is there working and so is the other gal...at first h said he was angry, but then the sermon by the female pastor was about letting go of the "nets" in your life that are bothering you, as in the story about the fishermen putting down their nets to follow Jesus...h said he felt a peace after the sermon...all afternoon I re hashed it all and tried to see that people are going to talk..and I have no doubts that there is nothing going on..as I said at the very beginning of my posts months ago, I have never felt any threat where any other woman was involved until the "needy" ff came into our lives.H actually called me at work a few hours later to say he might come over Sunday to do taxes online...and I brought up how the pastors comment about him really bothered me, but that I was trying to let go of the things people say...he said that the people that respect us and really know us and the situation are the ones that really matter.We are truly talking so much better and more open then anytime in our 24 yrs together.. A very hugh step...and on Sunday I may just be gone, for a little while when he comes over, so he can see that I am not just hanging here waiting for him.
Happy groundhog day...not sure if he saw his shadow... Have to tell you about h coming over...first I saw him a t church as he walked in to choir and he gave me the biggest smile I have seen from him in a long time...the pastor had asked me ahead of time if I would help serve communion, so I held the bread, and h came in my line and as I said my line"the body of Christ is broken for you" again h had a wonderful smile about him..I was so moved for helping and then to have h respond to me was great. He called a while later and asked if I had remembered he was going to come and do our taxes and help daughter with hers..I said yes, he asked if it was ok to bring his laundry too, I said sure..so he came..I kept busy baking, he did taxes, helped d, then she went to work...I came back downstairs and sat down to watch movie..h was finishing up laundry and leaving, so i went to door and he laughe and asked if I wanted him to lock door, as the movie is Signs and it looks scary..I said no, and here is where I went out on a limb, but I asked him for a hug....he gave me a very nice, tight hug and off he went..It felt soooo good. I will be careful not to expect too much too soon....but guys, this is the first contact in months..he seemed ok about it. The patience thing is paying off...the changing some old stuff is paying off...changing me is paying off..most of all h has had the space to work on himself, and that seems to be going in a positive direction..So I will hold onto my hug and pray that more good things will come...yet the little pesimistic that I am, will not allow myself to think that all good things are going to just start happening...I still have to act as if he may never come back home.. But, I did have a glorious day.. Sue
Things sound good. My H and I are both bankers also. What does your H do at the bank? I am the dreaded auditor. Everyone hated me. Where is he going to banking school? I went to school and it was a long two years. A huge committment!
I'm doing okay. H still alien. Trying to be patient.
