I don't know how to post a link to my previous thread but its in newcomers, and its "mere weeks from separation."
I've made every mistake in the book, or not in the book. I have disregarded advice- not intentionally, but out of fear. The advise I did heed, worked well (180's, no R talk, etc).
My biggest mistakes have been pursuing, and letting insecurity and fear determine my actions. When WAW was depressed and sad, I was there to be w/ her- on one hand a 180 for me, I did not try to cheer her up, I validated her feelings, on the other hand it was an opportunity for more cake eating.
Perhaps busting the A was a mistake, I do not know. I did not let it go, I busted it to MIL as well. There is no smoking gun, there is no admission- w/o that, all I can do is wait until it fizzles.
WAW came home last night and said she was done. Another opportunity to DB and I failed. There was no crying or begging this time, but there was confrontation. There was pursuing. There was rationalizing and explaining.
I asked W not to come home, to give me the keys and gate key. I only got the gate key b/c I took it.
I explained to W that of course there is nothing good about the last 4 months. That she did not truly make any attempt to benefit from therapy or shared activities.
W said "I have no feelings left for you, your behavior has been very unattractive, you have invaded my privacy."
I assured her it would not have happened if there were not so many lies.
Some will say, and I agree, that it all starts now. That the past 4 months have been practice. I have detatched to the point of not crying, even knowing she's not coming home again except to get her things.
I am going NC for a whiile. I left a brief note letting her know my terms: communicate only if addressing lawyer, bills, taxes, dogs, or moving.
Sandi- if you're out there lurking, I'd like to know more about WAW's and the feelings, confusion, etc that they experience. I know that there is prob no one out there that can walk away from a 6 yr R w/o some type of pain, sorrow, or regret. I understand the wall built around the heart, the resentments, the fog of an EA/PA- in my sitch the confusion has run the roost- she never knows what she's going to feel from one minute to the next.
She's told me she was done before, last night is the 3rd time in fact. It doesn't quite hurt as badly as the first few. But as I said, W has many new friends, and her mom moving down, and 20+ horses to take care of. I'm wondering if she'll find any time to contemplate the R or allow her to experience some feelings.
I know living w/ MIL will be nice for a week or so. So- let me ask you this, not that it matters...is there hope?
I asked W last night if I'm wasting my time- naturally she says yes. I think she was very upset that I contacted MIL about the A. I've managed to bust her on nearly every lie she's told. I know that is a tough thing to face- I used to be that person. And when I was busted everytime, I said eff it and it doesn't matter anyway. I'll just focus my attention somewhere else and won't think about what I've done.
There may be no hope for my M, but there just might be some hope for me. Thus far I have been my own worst enemy- I am changing that.
I know living w/ MIL will be nice for a week or so. So- let me ask you this, not that it matters...is there hope?
I asked W last night if I'm wasting my time- naturally she says yes. I think she was very upset that I contacted MIL about the A. I've managed to bust her on nearly every lie she's told. I know that is a tough thing to face- I used to be that person. And when I was busted everytime, I said eff it and it doesn't matter anyway. I'll just focus my attention somewhere else and won't think about what I've done.
There may be no hope for my M, but there just might be some hope for me. Thus far I have been my own worst enemy- I am changing that.
Based on that last line. Yes
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
Sandi- if you're out there lurking, I'd like to know more about WAW's and the feelings, confusion, etc that they experience. . . . I'm wondering if she'll find any time to contemplate the R or allow her to experience some feelings.
Can you see what you're doing, Maynard? You say you're "detaching," and today begins it being about YOU (and I agree on both -- needs to happen), and yet you can't go TWO HOURS without trying to crawl back inside your wife's fogged-out skull???
Can you see what you're doing, Maynard? You say you're "detaching," and today begins it being about YOU (and I agree on both -- needs to happen), and yet you can't go TWO HOURS without trying to crawl back inside your wife's fogged-out skull???
Puppy
That PUP He is a wise one.
MAY - You need to take the day off DUDE. Seriously - STOP thinking @ sitch for a Day, have happy hour with buddies, go out to eat,don't drunk dial and go to bed early. Get up and run your ever lovin off tommorrow and get a massage or WHATEVER.
Get away from it for a day or two and comeback to it when your not all wrapped up in HER.
Do You GET IT?
M43 W43 D11 S7 M18 T20 WAW is back & trying (no she was lying) Close to callin' it busted but.... watching Whatever the outcome - It was a choice.
OK- I'm busted!! And I will do whatever I can to get out of WAW's head- the massage sounds nice.
It's funny the month w/o crying thing I was bragging about...my boss's dad died recently and I watched my boss crack a bit today, then I started thinking, and the eyes welled.