dating and separation?

[trytryagain]

not that i want to date right now, but i have no idea if my H does or not and i want to make sure we're both on the same page with that so no feelings get hurt...

anyone have ideas or thoughts on how to broach the subject? my H is moving out on saturday into his own place. there's been no OW on his part or OM on mine, so there's no rush to date, i'm just not sure how to bring it up. i don't want to sound like i WANT to date, because i don't, but...i also don't to wait around forever on getting on with my life. how have ya'll dealt with this issue during separation?

my story

[Serenity13]

(((Try)))

There are different views on this board about this subject - My opinion is as long as I am married (whether or not H is around) then dating just isn't an option for me...I once tried a group "friend" date with a guy I dated back in HS however I just couldn't do it...

Until we are divorced (if that is where we end up) papers signed, sealed and delivered, then I just don't think about it.

I don't want anyone else to be drawn into all the drama surrounding my life at the moment.

I know others do it and I support anyone here 100% in what they do - It just isn't for me.

[trytryagain]

thanks, serenity. i think i'm in your boat, but i don't know if my H feels the same way. for me, as long as i'm legally married, i'm not on the market. but if my H feels differently (and i guess this goes back to the whole "i can't control what anyone does but me" issue), and wants to date, i at least want us to be honest with each other as long as we are still man and wife.

in all honesty, if he wanted to date, i probably would do it, too, just so i didn't feel left behind. although, since that goes against my values, i'd probably feel even worse than i do now.

either way, i'm just not really sure how to talk about it. and i'm not sure that i really even want to know if he wants to date other people...i know he wouldn't want to now, but maybe in a few months he'd be ready...and then what??

[Wholeagain]

I don't think you can expect him tell you if he wants to date other people or not.

Don't do something only because he's doing something. Date or don't date because that's what you want.

Detach more.

[Steve McQueen]

in all honesty, if he wanted to date, i probably would do it, too, just so i didn't feel left behind.

that is a very interesting way of looking at it. has that been the way "things" went in your relationship with your husband?

[OnceBurdened]

in all honesty, if he wanted to date, i probably would do it, too, just so i didn't feel left behind.

that is a very interesting way of looking at it. has that been the way "things" went in your relationship with your husband?

I'm not sure you get it, TRY. I din't at first and had the same reaction to the dating question.

My first reaction was "No I'm married" & My W was in an A @ the time. So the sitch is a little different.

But this part isn't, and this is what you have to GET-

If you don't date at least create the "Illusion" that you are- GALing- if you know what I mean. Go with friends meet people and don't let him no any the wiser.

Part of this is good for you, and part of it is to see if H pursues becomes jealous and that also helps you. If H doesn't than that also helps you know where you stand.

I mean do it up right too. Even if it's drinks or movies with the girls, put on something that will knock his socks off, maybe even something new, smell good and work it all the way out the door. Turn his head, walk out, have fun and DO NOT CALL HIM OR TAKE CALLS FROM HIM while you are out.If you can spend the night in a hotel.

I did on my 1st "excursion"- drove WAW apesh*t!

Create the illusion that if he don't want it you'll find someone that will.

Counterintuitive - IT WORKS.

[orangedog]

Date because you want to. Because you are sincere about spending time with someone who interests you. Don't do it as a "game" or "db tactic".

[Wholeagain]

Whatever you do don't ask him if he wants to/ is dating or let him know what you are up to. The whole idea is to make him wonder, not drive yourself crazy with jealousy and try to get even.

[tryingtilDorR]

I agree with the two posts above - date if that is what you want to do, but not to 'get back' at your WAH or just because he is.

I have been thinking about this a lot myself. My W is pushing to move out and I know it is to 'date' even though she won't admit this.

At this point I don't feel like I am ready to do the same, but it might not take long to come around on this topic.

Everyone needs to do what they feel is right for their situation. I personally am on guard against doing something out of revenge, but having someone in my life that I enjoy spending time with wouldn't be a bad thing after what I have gone through with my WAW the past 15 months.

You may feel the same?

[trytryagain]

that is a very interesting way of looking at it. has that been the way "things" went in your relationship with your husband?

sadly, at some times, yes. his ADHD and constant need for stimulation has left me worried that i'm not "exciting" enough to hold his interest. so often in the past if he's done a boys night or been away on business, i'll try to one-up him by also going out, staying out later, trying to have more fun than him. i know it's not a competition, and it's sad to admit it (even to myself!) but i'm a lot more insecure than i let on. i don't know, i guess i thought if he went out and saw that i was going to stay home and watch movies on the couch he'd think, well, she's not very exciting. i think it's also been my way of saying, see how much fun i can have without you! which i know is not a very healthy expression of love. again. insecure.

i guess i won't bring up dating unless he does...it just KILLS me to think about him going out with someone else. maybe i'll be more open to it in a few months or later down the road, and i guess i DID flirt with a few guys while i was out the other night...but i just ended up feeling guilty.