I do want my M, but H is having A and stopped wearing his around the time he started it. I am moving out at the end of the month. I think H. thinks I'm going to stick around forever, while he plays w/ his A. Once he gets OW out of his system, he can pick his M back up.
H needs to see that he's f*#king up royally. So, for now, no ring on my finger.
Plus, the big duh I forgot: right now, I have no M.
Last edited by Ruined; 02/08/1009:39 PM.
M & H: 40 M: 5.5 T: 7.5 OW: 7/09 Bomb: 9/09 Sep: 3/10 H files 7/10
Once he gets OW out of his system, he can pick his M back up.
I think the difference to me is that Ruined is leaving the bad H. In his sitch, she is the one who put the pillow between them and said she wanted space, maybe out.
Also, I think O said that he didn't know if this affair was physical, which means it hurts, but it isn't quite a 'full' affair, yet.
If you're the flower, you want to attract the right kind of bee, but you still are trying to attract. A ring says 'I'm here'. Distance and boundaries says, 'but not forever - I've got feelings, too'
Thank you all for the replies. I don't want to pursue (oh wait, that's totally a lie I want to chase like a fox chasing chickens). Cutter and pupy, you are right. That does smack of pursuit. You are right in that I am totally concerned with how she will react. I don't care how her reaction makes me feel. I know that feelings don't matter for squat. Results are all I care about.
I will wear the ring because that is where my head is. I am now back leaning toward not doing anything for the V day. Funny how I can be calm and dispassionate with other people's lives, but I can't make a simple decision about a stupid card.
Me 36 W 40 S 13, 9, 7 ILYBNILWY 2-08 Discovered EA 3-08 Reconciled 7-08 She says she's been faking it 11-09 She wants to separate 12-09
[quote=Ruined]Once he gets OW out of his system, he can pick his M back up.
Originally Posted By: onthemountaintop
I think the difference to me is that Ruined is leaving the bad H. In his sitch, she is the one who put the pillow between them and said she wanted space, maybe out.
No, OtMT, I really have no choice in the matter. H. IS having A. H says he wants D. H stopped wearing his ring 10 minutes after starting his A. H seems pretty sure that he can come back 'once he gets OW out of his system and pick M back up'. THAT is why *I* stopped wearing my ring - to silently drive home the point that I am DONE waiting. Saying it to H sounds like this: 'blah, blah, blah'.
M & H: 40 M: 5.5 T: 7.5 OW: 7/09 Bomb: 9/09 Sep: 3/10 H files 7/10
I think not doing anything for VD will work better for you. And of course you're having troubles making decisions, it's *your* life. Stay strong! (((Ozymandias)))
M & H: 40 M: 5.5 T: 7.5 OW: 7/09 Bomb: 9/09 Sep: 3/10 H files 7/10
Sorry to mix up my pronouns, Ruined. I meant I completely understand in your situation. It must be tough. In Ozymandias' the sitch is kind of reversed.
Ozymandias: As a teacher, I teach kids all the time. My own? God help them! The deep personal connection makes it harder, perhaps because our guard is naturally lower and the risk sometimes seems higher. This year, my daughter is in my class, and I've noticed that it is sometimes the success from those risks that make our connections stronger, too. The failures hurt more, though~
Your decisions are risks that have bigger consequences because such deep and strong emotions are involved (thus, more horomone releases). They might not all be rewarding, but hopefully come next Monday you'll have more reward than not.
So I get a voice mail from some strange real estate agent saying that he spoke to my wife about our house being off the market and she told him to talk to me. I tried not to flip out at him and then stewed for a bit before calling my wife. I asked her about it, and she said that she had no idea, but that he had been the second one to call about the house no longer being on the market. She said she thought I did it.
I said "No I did not. It must be that our 6month contract with our current Realtor has expired and it fell out of the system."
She says "Ok that makes more sense because I did not know what was going on."
I then said "Good, because I was about to get really mad"
She follows with "Oh no, I would never do something like that without talking to you first. I would never make a major decision like that without discussing it with you"
I did not say it, but I was thinking wow so you can tell me you don't love me anymore and that we are separated. You can tell he you have been having feelings for someone else. But you won't take the house off the market with out talking to me first because THAT IS A MAJOR DECISION!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know WAS's seldom employ logic, but nice to know the house warrants a talk but our relationship doesn't.[u][/u]
Last edited by Ozymandias; 02/09/1006:09 AM. Reason: spelling
Me 36 W 40 S 13, 9, 7 ILYBNILWY 2-08 Discovered EA 3-08 Reconciled 7-08 She says she's been faking it 11-09 She wants to separate 12-09
You can tell he you have been having feelings for someone else. But you won't take the house off the market with out talking to me first because THAT IS A MAJOR DECISION!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let's be the devil's advocate (without being the devil!). What she meant was that she respects your point of view so much that she wants/needs you to make life choices. And the relationship? She thinks you working elsewhere and other things that happened in the past that she should've forgotten told her that you decided first that she wasn't important to you.
You're right, when a S wants to walk away, thinking isn't so rational - guilt and other feelings can be a real challenge to deal with. The less logical, the more likely she has feelings for you and a buried hope fighting very present fears.
Maybe focus on the result instead of the emotions - the house will now be back on the market, she didn't do it and she said she respects you enough to talk to you first, and you recognized your anger coming up and kept it at bay for the conversation. Keep up the patience, vent here instead of at her, and maybe a year from now you'll be happily married again~
