Congratulations on your H's return home! Take things slowly, encourage H to continue IC and possibly MC for the two of you - it will make it easier to handle the issues that are bound to arise. The best of luck to you!
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
Thank you Addie and dday. I do agree that with ANYONE, the same thing could happen. I could have chosen not to take my H back then go on to find someone new and have them do the same thing to me, so...I agree it could happen with anyone.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
ok...I need a little advice on how to handle something.
Last night my H went to his monthly meeting where he volunteers. When he came home from the meeting he seemed annoyed or bothered. I asked how his meeting went and he said good. Well, I noticed how quiet he was and asked what was wrong. He just said he was aggravated. I asked about what? He said nothing he was just aggravated. So, I let it drop. He clearly didnt want to talk about it. Well, after his shower He went and got on the computer. He went to the alt...checked messages there which he hasnt done lately. While he was doing that I decided to check what he put up as his status on my phone. It said something like he needed to keep his mind and mouth working together. Clearly he was agravated, he even said so, but I hate that I have to go see his alt page to just find out what was wrong. He then came to bed in a perfectly good mood. Im not sure what happened and dont know if I need to bring up the fact that I would like for him to talk to me when things bother him. I have this feeling since his meeting went fine, that the exOW was there and maybe words were said...because I think that would be the only thing he wouldnt want to talk about with me. They dont get along at all anymore. Which is fine with me, but should I let him know he can talk to me about it, or just let it go and let him work through it on his own??
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
I really would like some feedback though. I have been on this ride for over 3 years. Now that my H is back home, its a little scarey. I have to say the few times he has said "I love you" its a little frightening to me. It such a 180 from the last few years where he wouldnt dare say it without adding on the phrase "in a way". Now he is telling me he misses me and all. Yesterday he called and left a message on my voice mail and said "luv u" in the end.
Im truly feeling in shock over this somedays. Almost like its hard to believe. Really, can my H be falling back in love with me?? I guess I still have my walls up and Im afraid It will all be a dream.
Just my thinking for the day...Im by no means complaining...lol, just still in some disbelief.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
I know what you mean, when my H first started saying "ILY" or being concerned about me, my brain found it very difficult to believe him. Once night I inadvertantly pulled his wedding ring off when I took my hand out of his while walking, and it rolled almost to the sewer grate. He snatched it up, exclaiming, "Oh no--it would have been dreadful if I lost this," and I just felt this huge disconnect, thinking "but 2 months ago you couldn't decide if you should leave me for the OW and the ring meant nothing to you...." It took a lot more consistency from him before any of it felt real to me.
Yes, he can be falling back with you, and is! You don't need to reply to his ILY's until you really feel it, though.
As for your earlier question, my H told me very little about the things he was working out in his head about the OW, which was probably just as well since it took him months to work through all that. I'd say it's a really positive thing that he self-soothed to the point of being in a good mood by bedtime already--that's healthy behaviour on his part.
Thank you Cyrena for responding to my posts...I do appreciate it very much!
Your right, it is very difficult for my brain to believe what my H is telling me...I mean, more times than I can count over the past few years, he has said he didnt feel this way about me, now Im getting ilys and he is calling me honey and sweetheart....I like it, but its just way weird to me. Almost like I wonder if he is faking it...I dont think he could fake it because all the many times we tried to work things out before, NONE of this came out of his mouth...he would tell me he has to feel it to say it...so maybe he is finally feeling it??!!
sigh....Im hoping he is finally coming out of his MLC....gosh, what a rollercoaster it has been!!!
Kinda want to say "i told ya so" to him now. BUT I would never do that
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Kissak, I just wanted to stop by and thank you and all your friends here for your journaling and comments. I am just seeing my XH peek out of the tunnel (he is back in again tho) for the first time in 3.5 years. I am just so curious how to keep him peeking out until he is willing to stay out for good. I realize that not all Rs can turn out but I am really hoping that we can do it. I am wondering how you got your H into counseling? Did he go on his own? I think mine would really benefit to deal with his unadmitted depression/MLC/R issues. Any advice you have for starting the process would be greatly appreciated. Best wishes to you! FP
Trust in yourself...you are the only one that can guide your future...
Me-28 X-30 QLC-just separated from OW after 3 yrs M-3yrs Tog-8yrs D-3yrs Bomb-8/5/06
My H had been going through this crisis for about 2 years when he decided to go into counseling and it was our MC that suggested it. After my H had broken up with the OW for the umpteenth time and wanted to come home, I called our MC and got the number. I think it was because he really just did not know what he wanted and was tired of not knowing what he was doing. He has been in counseling for over a year and it has helped alot. Now he is actually talking about stop going in the next month or so. Counseling has helped him learn how to deal with his feelings and sort them out among other things. Also, he was diagnosed with having depression. I think really if you suggest counseling to him, it will need to be during a time when he seems at his lowest.
My best advice to you is to be patient of course and if you can, be his friend. Of course set your boundaries but be there for him. My H told me when we first talked about him coming home that I was the ONLY one that was still there for him after all of this. No matter what it was, I was there to listen if that was all he needed. Now, 3 years and 3 months later we are finally working on piecing for real this time.
I hope all works out for you.
Last edited by kissak; 03/26/1005:42 PM.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
WEll, things are still going good with my H and I. We are getting along pretty good. Enjoying spending time together when we get the chance. Still not saying I love you much.
Im still having a hard time opening up to him about somethings. I want to discuss the "i love yous" but dont know if I should.
Our 17th wedding anniversary is coming up on Saturday. Wondering if that would be a good time to discuss it some?? Any advice? He will say "love you" if I say it to him first. Its been a while though since he has said it first.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
