I would say, yes, if it helps you with detachment, that part is a positive.
As for the rest.....ewwww
But I will say that hot and heavy rarely=love of your life.
When my H and I were dating in college, I had a 6 week fling with a guy at my college. Sad, but true. I couldn't wait to spend time with him, found excuses to see him, etc etc. There was no texting or email then (mid 90s) but had there been, look out!
Funny thing is, within 6 weeks I somehow realized he was not all that I thought he was, I swung the full 180 where I was grossed out at the thought of kissing him and avoided him like the plague for the 3 months after that until he graduated...
Just saying it may not wind up being all that she thinks it is...
Love that song by the way. Keith Urban has some amazing stuff!
Sorry you read those letters, hard to forget that stuff once its in your brain.
Yes - I have to agree with you on the "ewwww" statement - as I listed them it was my feelings exactly.
I find it interesting that as these things occurred individually, and some of them were absolutely devastating to say the least, but I weathered through and continued to just focus on saving the marriage for the sake of the family. Now that I look back at them in totality, I sit here wondering WHAT was I thinking. It's a bit embarrassing to see the crap that I put up with. How could I have had such a low self-esteem to try and continue on in the marriage? However, when you are in the eye of the storm sometimes you just don't see so clearly. Fortunately, I've finally "seen the light" and am getting on with my life.
The Keith Urban song really hits home with where I'm at right now.
I totally agree with you. As I lived through the events of my own marriage, I was in 'survival' mode--"we can get through this, we can get through this"...
Just a week or two ago I laid out the framework of the lies/infidelities/betrayals my H has pulled in the course of our marriage. Seeing them all listed like that does make a person feel like such a 'loser' so to speak, for putting up with it and more so for still wanting to be with the spouse who did all the things listed...
You aren't alone in that. I know it doesn't help anything to hear that, but there are a lot of us who have 'tolerated' the intolerable in our efforts to keep our marriages...
I guess I should be grateful I did not read all of the SG's "luv" emails to the OW. My friend did, though, and she told me not to. So I didn't. I had her print copies of them, and held on to them for about the first six or seven months. Then I threw them away, and never read them.
I am glad for that now. I saw enough with the pictures and the one or two emails I did read.
I was watching something over the weekend, I think it was Ghost Whisperer, and one of the characters said "I don't deserve you." And the other said "It's not about what you do or don't deserve. It is what it is."
Sometimes I think just accepting the fact that you love someone, and that no matter what, part of you always will makes it a little easier. I tried to fight for such a long time to hate SG, but that didn't work either.
I am not sure that your self-esteem was low, but that you believed in your M. That is not something to smirk at. It takes an incredibly strong person to try to fix something that is broken, rather than walk away and get a new one. But sometimes, it is broken beyond repair.
Only you can decide when you stop trying to fix it.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I am not sure that your self-esteem was low, but that you believed in your M. That is not something to smirk at. It takes an incredibly strong person to try to fix something that is broken, rather than walk away and get a new one. But sometimes, it is broken beyond repair.
Only you can decide when you stop trying to fix it.
Thanks Lola, I like this viewpoint much better. I think more than the M, I believed in my family and I still saw her as part of it. I no longer feel that way. My family is now me and my kids - yes she is still their mother and an extremely important person in their lives - just not mine anymore. I get that the marriage is over and that a healthier life awaits me.
I totally agree with you. As I lived through the events of my own marriage, I was in 'survival' mode--"we can get through this, we can get through this"...
Just a week or two ago I laid out the framework of the lies/infidelities/betrayals my H has pulled in the course of our marriage. Seeing them all listed like that does make a person feel like such a 'loser' so to speak, for putting up with it and more so for still wanting to be with the spouse who did all the things listed...
You aren't alone in that. I know it doesn't help anything to hear that, but there are a lot of us who have 'tolerated' the intolerable in our efforts to keep our marriages...
Thanks BBJ. The saying "Love is blind" comes to mind when I think about all that I tolerated.
Sad, but true. I couldn't wait to spend time with him, found excuses to see him, etc etc. There was no texting or email then (mid 90s) but had there been, look out!