Well, she didn't worry about you being alone with the kids when she was out screwing another guy. I think that is a fair point to bring up to her. Why worry now? Oh, you are growing a pair and starting to stand up for yourself. That can be scary to a WAW who has been calling all the shots.
They are as much yours as they are hers. She chose to walk away from R, you didn't and is not your guilt to shoulder. You probably can't force her to leave but she can't make you either. That means she has to live with you when she was hoping you would make it easier for her by you leaving. She will try to lay blame for everything that has ever happened to her and you MUST STAND FIRM for your decision. I just finished role playing for an hour with a good friend where he try to hit me with everything I expect from W. I expect the sh!tstorm of all time when I have this same talk with W tonight. Do not have this talk with W until you are convinced you won't buckle under pressure.
Read every post by Robx from from today back to Jan 1. He inspires me. Thanks Robx if you happen to read this thread.
They are as much yours as they are hers. She chose to walk away from R, you didn't and is not your guilt to shoulder. You probably can't force her to leave but she can't make you either. That means she has to live with you when she was hoping you would make it easier for her by you leaving. She will try to lay blame for everything that has ever happened to her and you MUST STAND FIRM for your decision. I just finished role playing for an hour with a good friend where he try to hit me with everything I expect from W. I expect the sh!tstorm of all time when I have this same talk with W tonight. Do not have this talk with W until you are convinced you won't buckle under pressure.
Read every post by Robx from from today back to Jan 1. He inspires me. Thanks Robx if you happen to read this thread.
so I have set the boundary, when she says that she is going to continue text, email, phone with OM(they live very far apart) how do i enforce her leaving if she will not? she has agreed to move into another room in the house.
M=37 W=40 Married=10,T=12 D=10 D=8 WAW Bomb=1/12 EA confirmed=1/13 EA exposed=1/27 Current In house separation
W is returning to town today. W states that she has told her father, but not sure about her mother. Her intention is to inform our kids tonight, so she can move into the other bedroom. she has stated that her name is on the house and she will not move unless i buy her out.
do i get an appraisal then subtract all of the work that i have done and show her that there is nothing to give?
do i hold all of my cards tight, she makes more money and is a partner in a successful business? in a D i would ask for maintenance(difference between her salary and mine), 1/2 of her interest in her company, 1/2 custody of the children, and i want to stay in my home. do i go see a L and find my rights then inform her what i will get?
how do i treat the discussion with the kids?
M=37 W=40 Married=10,T=12 D=10 D=8 WAW Bomb=1/12 EA confirmed=1/13 EA exposed=1/27 Current In house separation
180ing all over the place today. moved clean clothes other than mine into the spare bedroom. cleaned only my office. did some other things that i "never do." scheduled some GAL for the weekend.
any advice on my previous post would be great.
M=37 W=40 Married=10,T=12 D=10 D=8 WAW Bomb=1/12 EA confirmed=1/13 EA exposed=1/27 Current In house separation
Do nothing until you talk to an attny. Do not share anything with her you learn at the attny. It is not your job to inform her of the legal proceedings and the avenue you will pursue for settlement. If she has questions tell her to have her attny call your attny. Do not waive your rights to legal counsel, do not agree to "file together" or anything else. If she wants a divorce, no problem, but make sure she knows you will be playing ball and not blindly following her two bit schemes to make it all lovely and fair.
There are many threads on the forum about talking to children.
W came home yesterday and said nothing to the kids about the sitch. i GALed her and stated my weekend plans and generally kept things light. she went out to get supplies for the separate bedroom, and spent the night there.
i found an email arranging meeting with OM, while she was there.
how do i bust this up? in the words of george costansa "i need hand"
do i threaten to tell all of her family and friends? OM W does not care one bit about it.
M=37 W=40 Married=10,T=12 D=10 D=8 WAW Bomb=1/12 EA confirmed=1/13 EA exposed=1/27 Current In house separation
i found an email arranging meeting with OM, while she was there.
how do i bust this up? in the words of george costansa "i need hand"
An excellent question. While we're generally told that we "cannot control" a cheating spouse (and it's true, we can't), and that we have to let them -- as grown adults -- make their own decisions, I decided early on in my wife's affair that it DIDN'T mean that I had to make it EASY on them!
So, a little infidelitus interruptus is always in good taste, don'tchathink??
If it were me, I would send her a text message, at precisely the time they are to meet. It would say:
"I hope this is all worth it to you. Really, enjoy. We will have a lot to talk about when you get back. Talk to you Monday" (or whenever)
I hardly imagine the first hour of their blissful rendezvous -- nor any OTHER part of their weekend -- would be very enjoyable, as suddenly YOU, and her marriage to you, become the sole topic of their conversations!!!!
