Hope for a new chapter

[Belle]

Hi all

I haven't posted in a long time (October) and this is my first post in this forum. I am now divorced. It happened 3 days ago.

It was a real shocker. Only because we had received a notice that we were to meet on 1/22/10 to set the trial date and the settlement hearing date.

We didn't have lawyers. We (I) did it all on my own. Found the documents online and printed them all, filed them all. I got the house. He got his tens of thousands of dollars of debt. When we went to the courthouse on 1/22, they said, "Oh, you have all the paperwork completed, we can finalize your D today". After my H, excuse me now ex-H, had asked me multiple times if I was certain that this was ONLY the trial setting date. I was as shocked as he was.

But all in all, I can't help but think that God was watching out for me. Who knows what the H would have pulled. As he stated after we got D'd, "I wasn't sure". He might have tried to stall and stall if he could have.

When was he going to be sure? Never!

As much as I care and love him, I cannot sit by and watch him have an affair for 1.5 years, all the while saying he is not sure. I held out for as long as I feel I could. Please help me to not feel like I gave up. I felt like crap when he told me that his counselor (whom he saw about once every two months) said that since he wouldn't make a decision, I made it for him. And H said "You put a timeframe on it". That made me feel like crap. Logically, I know that he is living in his own crazy world. But there's a little part of my heart that wonders if I should have held out longer. A LITTLE part of my heart.....

I just have such an odd feeling right now because for 1.5 years I have held out hope. Hope that he would realize that he wanted to save our marriage. But it didn't happen. There comes a time when a person has to move on.

I have applied to Naturopathic medical school and I am planning to go in July. I have been accepted and I am excited about it.

But today I am just sad, and like I said, it's just such an odd and lonely feeling to not have that hope anymore.

Has anyone ever felt that???

A new chapter in my life is starting. But I am scared. I am scared that he will always have a hold on me. I had still been talking to him once in a while and I still care for him. It's just hard for me because I live 3 hours away from my family and friends (we moved here so that he could go to school). I have been relying on him for help - watching my dog, cleaning the sidewalks when it snows, etc. He asked me if we are never going to talk again now that we are D'd and I said "no, we will probably talk again". We had already discussed that I would do the taxes. But I don't like the idea of talking to him because I need to break free.

I need hope for a new chapter in my life......

[Gnosis]

As you know, it's quiet over the weekends here. From what I've read,

You made the right decision.

He would have led you by the nose indefinitely. Do not believe any differently. I'm glad that you got out of this debt free. That's a big plus.

Good luck on your future studies and move on. He has no more hold on you. You waited patiently and he refused to try. Be blessed that there are no children involved.

You should be celebrating.... so start doing it!

[Virtually_Handsome]

(((((Belle)))))

I ended up doing all the work on my D, as well. XW was "content" to do nothing, for or against the M. It wasn't fun to have to do that, but I got to the point where I didn't see any choice in the matter.

Don't worry about what he's said, he's perfectly happy to say whatever he has to do to make himself feel better, and if that means being hurtful to you, he doesn't really care.

I think you are right, you should detach from him. You don't have any need to be talking to him. All it's going to do is draw you back into unnecessary drama.

[stillalone]

I also got tired of waiting - he left and moved to a different country - he never tried to reconcile nor did he file. I think they want us to do the dirty work because then the can turn around and say it was our doing. I regret it sometimes but when I really sit and think about it I was not given a choice.

I also feel hopeless - everything is taken away - and that too by the person you trust the most. I think in time things get better but it's very natural to feel like this.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Hi Belle,

I'm sorry your marriage didn't work out, but I do think that maybe God had a hand in how quickly it finally came down after all you'd been through, as I didn't trust your husband either.

I followed your sitch from near the beginning. If anything, you held on LONGER than I -- or many -- could have. At some point, it's time to put the oxygen mask over your own face, and save yourself.

Puppy

[goldeylox]

Belle, I'm right behind 'ya, honey.
Best wishes on your brand new start.
Goldey
p.s. Nice to see some familiar faces over here. I'll start a new thread once I file, which is coming soon. Dealing w/ medical stuff first. Could sure use a drink.

[Belle]

You made the right decision.

He would have led you by the nose indefinitely. Do not believe any differently. I'm glad that you got out of this debt free. That's a big plus.

Thank you Gnosis. It's good to hear others say that I made the right decision. I know that probably makes me look like I need others to support what I did to feel better, but usually I am not like that. I just think that marriage/divorce is a big issue and I don't know if you can ever be 100% sure.

And yeah, I hear about other people's divorces and how they're spending thousands. I spent $235. And I got the house and no debt. I need to be praising God for those things!!

Thanks for your post!

[Belle]

I followed your sitch from near the beginning. If anything, you held on LONGER than I -- or many -- could have. At some point, it's time to put the oxygen mask over your own face, and save yourself.

Thanks Puppy. It's like my mind knows this and for once I need to let my mind convince my heart. (Usually it's the other way around).

Thanks for stopping by Puppy. Somehow I knew you'd be there!

[Belle]

Hi stillalone

Thanks for stopping by. Another country?? Wow. I just don't understand what they think is going to happen if they ignore the situation. It's like they're ostriches trying to stick their heads in the sand....

When was your D final???

[Belle]

Thanks goldey, best wishes to you too.


Hope your health improves!