I would like to work on challenging the cognitive distortions in my thinking because I know that a lot of my suffering comes from them right now. Feel free to join me!
These are common types of cognitive distortions: 1. All-or-nothing thinking 2. Overgeneralization 3. Mental filter 4. Disqualifying the positive 5. Jumping to conclusions o Mind reading o The Fortune Teller Error 6. Magnification (catastrophizing) or minimization 7. Emotional reasoning 8. Should statements 9. Labeling and mislabeling 10. Personalization
This link describes the types of cognitive distortions in more detail.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Now I'm going to write down some of my cognitive distortions in red, and add more realistic statements in green.
1. All-or-nothing thinking I'm a total failure as a wife. As a wife, I have a lot of strengths but I also have some weaknesses. It was a complete mistake to marry H. My marriage with H has brought me a lot of joys and a lot of sorrows.
2. Overgeneralization The failure of my marriage is yet another failure in a long string of failures. I have had successes and setbacks. This is a setback.
3. Mental filter How can I be happy when H is flirting with women who are 2 decades younger than him on facebook? H is making some poor choices, but that doesn't determine my reality.
4. Disqualifying the positive No one values or admires me. I have many people who value and admire me.
5. Jumping to conclusions o Mind reading H hates me. I don't know H's true feelings. o The Fortune Teller Error I'm going to be divorced. I don't know the outcome of this separation. I'm never going to be happy again. I don't know whether I'll ever be happy again, but it's likely that I will. My children will never recover from this trauma. I don't know how my children will react to future events.
6. Magnification (catastrophizing) or minimization I've made so many mistakes in my marriage and I've really screwed things up. I have made mistakes in my marriage but I've also been very loving and willing to work on our problems. H is a wonderful man and he didn't do anything wrong. H is wonderful, but he has refused to truly engage in our marriage for a long time.
7. Emotional reasoning The situation is hopeless. I'm feeling hopeless, but the situation is not hopeless.
8. Should statements H should love me and want to be with me. H doesn't want to be with me right now. I should be the kind of woman that only a fool would leave. I am who I am, and I'm doing the best that I can.
9. Labeling and mislabeling I'm pathetic. I'm in pain right now.
10. Personalization It's my fault that H moved out. H chose to move out and it was his decision, and his decision only.
I hope that this thread is helpful to someone. Some counsellors charge money for this stuff, but if we take some time, we can actually question our thoughts and that can take some of the melodrama away from our thinking. And hopefully that brings some peace.
Anyone else want a turn?
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
